


Disgusting

by LithiumNails



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-23
Updated: 2014-10-14
Packaged: 2018-01-16 16:29:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 53,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1354066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LithiumNails/pseuds/LithiumNails
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A dark high school AU, in which Annie Leonhardt is a sexual masochist, relying on her bitter rival Mikasa Ackerman to get her off and keep her secret. Unbeknownst to one another, each girl has a great deal struggling with the implications of their relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Disgusting

Mikasa noticed that with every deep thrust Annie’s toes came off the ground. She had the blonde bent over the arm of the couch in Annie’s room, the shorter girl reduced to her tip toes trying to comply. Mikasa could see where her hips had reddened rubbing against the fabric of the upholstery, and though a kinder person might reward or try to sooth the poor girl, Mikasa took her fingernails and clawed through the sensitive skin. 

Annie howled meekly, fists clenching and wrists sweating where Mikasa had bound them with her scarf. 

Deciding she liked having Annie just that little bit more at her mercy, she leaned more of her weight into her hips, pinning the girl completely off the ground. With a pleased grunt, she shifted her hips, grinding the phallus slowly and forcefully against the girl’s most sensitive spot, smirking as Annie visibly trembled underneath her. 

Getting closer, Mikasa sped up, rutting against Annie in a way that reminded her instantly of an animal. Frustrated by her own lack of self-control, and her own base need to gracelessly get off, she reached around the small blonde and clawed viciously over her breasts, the nails of her left hand catching a nipple. 

Annie cried out, and Mikasa was certain it was from pain rather than pleasure. For good measure, she brought her open palm down hard on Annie’s ass, digging her nails in where her fingertips landed and raking them up over the soft flesh, hearing Annie’s moan turn into a wounded hiss. 

Mikasa knew the other girl was feeling pain, but as always she was fascinated by the muscles tightening around the strap-on, making it harder for her to maneuver it. She dug her heels in and jerked her hips a few more times, still refusing to do let the blonde’s feet touch the ground. 

Helplessly Annie came undone, writhing against the couch and trying to claw at something, but unable to free her hands from their bindings. 

Even after the blonde went limp, Mikasa continued for another several minutes, until she gripped Annie’s hips tightly and pulled them into her, leaning back and refusing to make any sound aside from the panting that escaped her throat. 

After a moment of stillness, with each girl lying motionless just trying to breath, Mikasa reached for the straps at her legs, and silently unbuckled herself. 

She left the silicone buried in Annie, stepping back into the shorter girl’s field of vision only to yank her scarf back into her possession. 

Annie always disgusted her. Her masochism was sick, the desperation in her grunts and whines was boldly pathetic, and the amount of cum dripping down her inner thighs was excessive. She was a low life and a thug and apparently a slutty glutton for punishment, and Mikasa’s hands shook as she felt disgusting for taking part in it. 

She left her there bent over the couch, knowing she was wiped out and hadn’t moved a muscle since she finished. 

Mikasa is afraid to think too long on how freeing it is to have that small body at her mercy. To be allowed to abuse it, to hold nothing back. She hates that she thinks Annie might be pretty when her face flushes, and she feels sick to her stomach because she _knows_ Annie is pretty when she’s in pain. 


	2. Showers can't clean your Past

The volleyball whizzed past Mikasa’s head at a concussive speed, and poor Sasha nearly sprained her wrist trying, and failing, to block it. Was this an official game? No. Was it an official practice? No. Were they even on the volleyball team? No. This was gym class, and as always, it was Mikasa vs. Annie. The rest of their respective teams just watched passively until they had to dodge, far too high school to be seriously invested in the game, except for Connie and Sasha who hadn’t the sense to leave the fierce competitors alone. 

When they filed into the locker room, only Annie and Mikasa showed any signs of actually playing the game. They sported red and raw forearms, and Mikasa had a bloody knuckle where she had, in desperation, given the ball an uppercut. 

As usual while the girls changed, Annie wandered into a stall pretending to need it and taking her time, hiding the abuse she had taken from Mikasa the night before. 

As usual the room emptied quickly, no one needing the showers but Annie and her opponent, and as usual she walked straight to the wall opposite Mikasa in the tiled showering area, and did her best to ignore the dark haired girl. 

They didn’t have a secret romance. There were no impassioned make-outs when no one was looking, and no heated glances from across the halls. In fact, neither girl spoke to the other, the same way it had been since middle school. Their interaction was limited to victory and loss in athletics, and a mental tally of questions answered correctly in class. Should their friends interact, they spoke to the group, and avoided eye contact with each other. 

When they were younger it was difficult to interact because they felt the competition. Now it was difficult because they were vividly aware that some nights Mikasa left Annie crumpled in her room with her pussy throbbing, covered in saliva and bruises. 

Their routine was consistent, and because of that Annie nearly jumped out of her skin when she heard Mikasa’s voice right behind her. 

“What?” Annie asked, having only half understood the question. 

“What is this?” Mikasa’s fingertips pressed into a bruise on her ribs. 

Annie jerked away in pain, looking down at herself and fumbling for an answer. “You would know better than me.” 

The girls paused a moment, embarrassed knowing that this was the closest the truth about them had ever come to being said out loud. 

“I didn’t leave this here,” Mikasa said. “Who am I sharing you with?” 

Annie visibly paled, a glint of recognition in her eyes. “No one. How do you know you didn’t just get carried away? You really lose yourself sometimes.” 

Mikasa’s blood ran cold. So Annie noticed that about her? Since it was never spoken about Mikasa had almost tricked herself into believing it was a dream. It hadn’t occurred to her that Annie had her own commentary about what went on in the dark of her bedroom, and the last thing that Mikasa wanted to hear about was her own savage behavior. 

“I never lose myself. You’re the one that’s out of control. You’re self-destructive. And apparently insatiable.” Mikasa’s hands slammed against the wall on either side of Annie’s shoulders, the sound loud and resonating. Annie remained passive, watching Mikasa closely. “So who else are you self-destructing against?” 

“If you think I’m so insatiable maybe it’s just because you can’t satisfy me.” 

Mikasa’s face flushed. Never having felt a stab at her sexual prowess before, she was surprised at how much it stung, and at the tears that almost pricked her eyes. “You and I both know you practically beg me.” 

“I don’t say anything.” 

“Your legs spread wide enough fast enough.” Mikasa leaned in close, looming over her, wondering why she couldn’t get Annie as embarrassed and wounded as she was. 

“It doesn’t matter either way, because I’m not with anyone else.” 

“Then where is this from?” Mikasa pushed the bruise with her palm, now desperate for a reaction. 

Annie showed no sign of even hearing her. 

“I need to know where you’ve been, I’m not about to catch some disease!” 

Annie’s jaw clenched, and she met Mikasa glare for glare. 

“You’re sick, you know? Fucked up in the head. Its twisted shit your into, and I’m not gonna touch you if you’re some other sicko’s leftovers.” 

Finally Annie showed some emotion. A desperate loneliness bared itself across her features at the notion of twisted, but by the time Mikasa got to leftovers she was livid. “And what makes you think you aren't a sicko? Climbing through my window with a strap-on in your hoodie pocket?” 

Unfortunately for Annie, Mikasa had an answer ready; one she had thought of time and time again after asking herself the same question. “Easy. Because it’s fascinating. Like all the rest of the gossip at this school, the weirder the better. Or more accurately? It’s like watching a train wreck. With some guy in the aftermath jerking off to the mangled limbs.” 

Annie’s face hardened. She refused to turn her eyes away from Mikasa’s until she was sure the other girl had nothing more to say. 

Reaching blindly behind her, she turned the water off and turned away unsteadily. Staring at Mikasa an extra moment, she wondered if this meant their arrangement was over. She grabbed her towel and fled between the rows of lockers. Before Mikasa could do the same she heard the door close and knew she was alone. 

At home, Annie cried quietly on her bed, curled up with her forehead against her knees. She couldn’t bring herself to concentrate on anything but Mikasa, and whether or not she would come back. She knew Mikasa didn’t like her, but she had no idea how much spite the taller girl felt for her. 

She felt dizzy. This entire time, Annie had been putting herself in Mikasa’s hands, and had never really known how disgusted the other girl was by her. She thought they were at least even. Annie was weird for taking it, but Mikasa was weird for giving it to her. Even if they weren’t in love. Even if it was top secret because of mutual shame. 

But nothing compared to the shame Annie felt hoping Mikasa would come back. 


	3. History

Annie’s sweats were off, her shirt was up, and her hand was jammed into her panties. Her fingers were slick with herself, though they felt like nothing inside of her. She had been up for hours, restless, and she still had another two before school started. 

She bit one palm and ground the other into her clit, but all she got was a dull acknowledgement from her body, a mild sensation as though she were rubbing herself through layers of fabric. She was desperate for it to be more, but she was already caked in sweat, and she acknowledged vaguely that she was beginning to smell. 

She clawed at her hips again, rolling onto her stomach and thinking of Mikasa, which helped every time she tried it, but she couldn’t hold her thoughts together. The longer she kept at it the stupider she felt, dedicating so much wasted time just to cum. 

It had been a few nights since Mikasa had come over, which wasn’t strange, but now she was wondering while she was waiting if she ever would again. If she doesn’t ever come back, Annie thought, then they really weren’t even after all. Annie really was the only psycho, and Mikasa really was in awe of how depraved she was. 

Sighing, Annie stilled her hand, and flopped onto her back. She glanced at the chair she had stuck against her door to make sure it _stayed_ shut, and wished that time would hurry up so she could get her day over with. She turned her eyes to the ceiling fan above her, and watched it spin. She told herself that she was going to have to count on Mikasa being as sick as she was. 

It was late last year when they had been partnered up in school for a team assignment. Mikasa had been up in her room for nearly the whole day, arguing with her over every detail until it wasn’t even about the project anymore. They just had to fight, be right, and win. 

The room had gotten hot and musty, and somehow it had come to blows. As Annie recalls, she had started it with a small shove to Mikasa’s arm, but within a minute the two of them were grappling brutally on the floor. 

When Annie had finally pinned Mikasa, she was rug burnt and bruised, and hair that had been tied back now fell sloppily in front of her face, having been pulled at several times. Mikasa hadn’t gone down easy, and even though half her face was pushed into the carpet and her arm would certainly snap if she tried to use it, she wasn’t done. Twisting, she tried to find balance on her knees, but all Annie noticed was the sudden press of the other girl’s ass between her legs. 

Her mind froze and her body followed suit, and soon she was reeling from landing hard on her back. She looked up to Mikasa, and sensing that the other girl was considering something she waited. She felt the tightening grip around her arm and the flesh underneath it pulsing. She felt the heat in the room suddenly, and how it was suffocating her. 

The little blonde’s face stung before she realized that Mikasa had cracked her hard across the face, but what she hadn’t noticed for another few moments was the moan that had slipped past her lips. There was no mistaking it for any sort of protest. It had been purely blissed out, more careless and sexual than she had ever heard herself. Mikasa gazed down at her blankly. 

She saw the second slap coming, but couldn’t stop the blush from being painted along her cheeks. She let the strike tilt her face away to try and hide it, hoping the taller girl wouldn’t notice the color or would think it was just the mark from her hand. It had felt fantastic. 

Mikasa’s thighs were warm on either side of her hips, and Annie delighted in the weight of her holding her down. Now that she was really looking, the curve of her hip was beautiful where her jeans rode down, and the cut of her arms, and and the hand that she still felt imprinted on her face. She could almost see Mikasa’s taught stomach under the fabric of her tank top. 

In all the fantasies Annie had had, where hands had beat her, pinched her, clawed her raw outside and in, and where teeth had left their bloody marks, she had never considered gender. She had never wondered about what kind of person was connected to the fists and open palms. 

Annie briefly wondered if this was the sort of time when someone should have an identity crisis, but decided she didn’t feel like it when Mikasa ran her nails down her throat. She bit her lip, now recognizing the urge to moan and feeling it budding inside of her again. When her eyes locked on Mikasa’s, disbelieving and intent, she knew how she must look. Horny. 

She felt the nails along Mikasa’s other hand scrape along the flesh of her neck that was still turned away. Fingertips crawled along her jaw, and pulled her face back so she could no longer hide it. 

The two watched each other closely as Mikasa ran a nail along the underside of Annie’s collarbone, slicing into the skin and drawing a single line of blood. Mikasa looked for any signs of flinching. Or enjoyment. Annie watched for any signs of mockery. 

Mikasa bent down slowly, running the soft tip of her tongue over a part of the wound. Annie felt the tips of her ears turn pink. Mikasa released the grip she had on Annie’s forearm, putting he hands heavily on the blonde’s shoulders, and kitten licking along the rest of the torn flesh. Annie puffed out a shuddering breath in surprise, forgetting to try and keep quiet. 

She was tugged upward roughly. Her shirt was pulled off in a flurry of rustling fabric, blinding her before she could think about it and over her head before she could regret it. Mikasa paused then, looking at Annie unsure if anything else would provoke an attack. If anything else would provoke questions. 

She reached out and ran her nails down along Annie’s stomach, over her naval and down to the edge of her pants, where her fingertips slipped in accidentally and nudged against the hem of the shorter girl’s underwear. Annie’s eyes closed, and from then there was no more hesitation. 

Mikasa clamped her mouth around Annie’s collarbone, nipping at the cut and suckling gently at the bone. Annie leaned back on her elbows and Mikasa followed, never breaking contact and reaching around to unclasp Annie’s bra before pushing her to lie down. 

Mikasa was quick to understand how much Annie appreciated being bitten, and the two of them lay sprawled on the floor oblivious to the world around them, with Mikasa working her teeth over Annie’s jaw and shoulders. 

Annie felt hands slide up her waist and cover her breasts warmly, before beginning to rub them roughly, and she lost her breath, gasping out a strangled squeal. The moment was cut short when Mikasa pulled back. Annie’s eyes focused, and she looked up at her wondering if she was going to leave, how they were ever going to get their work done, and who she might tell. And then she watched Mikasa unbutton her own shirt and tug it off, finally noticing the other girl’s flushed cheeks and chest. 

Mikasa looked down at her, panting. They both felt the oppressive heat in the room, and frustrated, Mikasa moved her hands to the button on Annie’s pants, practically ripping it off and moving to tug the fabric all the way down the blonde’s legs. Before Annie could even finish kicking the last bit of denim off her feet Mikasa’s teeth sunk into her thigh, drawing instant blood, and prompting Annie to cover her own mouth and keel back onto the floor. 

Mikasa was back on her immediately, leaning to pull her own pants off, and huffing out the words “God it’s hot in here.” The words barely reached Annie’s comprehension, as the pants hit the ground where hers already were, and Mikasa’s mouth was on her breast, taunting with the threat and scrape of canines. 

When Annie had the presence of mind to touch Mikasa, to put a hand in silky black hair, her thigh was slapped with all the force Mikasa could muster, though she continued what she was doing, and took Annie’s nipple into her mouth within the same second. The blonde shivered, not sure if the slap was a warning or for fun. _For fun._ She thought. _What is wrong with me._

She slid her hand over Mikasa’s wing bone, startled when the other girl pulled back for a moment to swing a punch into the reddened flesh of her thigh. Mikasa’s mouth stayed on her, and her teeth ran over the nipple between her lips with such precision that Annie couldn’t help a small cry as she felt a thick warmth seep into her boy shorts. 

Mikasa paused at the sound. Sitting up, she took a survey of the body underneath hers, taking in every mark, noticing lastly the flicker of Annie’s eyes to her chest. Face gravely serious, she reached behind herself and stripped off her bra. She watched as Annie’s eyes widened as the blush that had almost left her face returned. Curiously, Mikasa glanced between the blonde’s legs before reaching forward and tugging the soft fabric away, tossing it to land with the other clothes. Mikasa noticed how slick the small girl was, and without any questions, without any hesitating, she slammed her knee into Annie’s softest flesh and crawled back on top of her. 

Annie’s eyes fluttered closed and her lips parted as hands returned to her breasts, groping them forcefully. Mikasa’s hips began a rhythm, and Annie felt the smooth skin of her thigh gliding over her clit, the flexing muscles underneath grinding against it demandingly. Annie whimpered as the words _she’s fucking me_ ran through her head. 

Mikasa started pinching at Annie’s nipples, and tried twisting one of them roughly. To her dismay, the feeling of the soft flesh at her mercy sent a twinge between her legs. Trying to ignore it she focused on her hips, on rocking Annie back with every thrust. 

When her arms grew tired she rested her forearms on the ground above Annie’s head, bracing herself and putting more weight behind her hips. Licking her lips she watched Annie writhe beneath her, now taken with the sight of the blonde’s breasts moving with each of her thrusts. 

Hearing Mikasa grunt in frustration, Annie felt a hand slide under the back of her knee, raising her leg. She watched in awe as the taller girl mounted her thigh, and let her eyes roll back in her head as she felt the heated wetness, still trapped behind Mikasa’s panties, rub against leg. Mikasa’s body heat surrounded her as she lowered herself further over Annie, panting into her neck. When she heard the girl above her breathe _Fuck_ into her hear, she lost it, moaning helplessly as she came undone against Mikasa’s thigh. 

After rolling her hips a few extra times against Annie, Mikasa followed suit, not making a sound except for a ragged gasp just above Annie’s ear, but jerking forward and smacking her shoulder into the girl’s lip. The two pulled away from each other slightly, taking one another in. Mikasa glanced at Annie’s swollen lip for a moment before sitting up. 

As Mikasa was about to move off of Annie completely, the blonde reached up and stroked her lip, the spark of pain causing her to throb against Mikasa’s knee. Startled, the two looked at each other again, not sure what to make of any of it. 

“Don’t tell,” Annie said quietly. 

“Why would I want to tell anyone about this?” Mikasa asked, finally moving away and reaching for her clothes. 

They had both spent the rest of their weekends swimming in their own thoughts. Annie was frightened to realize that the fantasies of abuse she had had were more significant than just a passing curiosity, but she was horrified that the person who had found out was Mikasa. Mikasa herself was left shaken by how readily she had exposed herself, how willing she was to be intimate with Annie. How intrigued she was by the wrongness of it all. 

On Monday, they each handed in individual assignments, their teacher looking between them disapprovingly. They didn’t look at each other. 

Nearly a month later, Mikasa walked by the Leonhardt house with Eren. He was talking loudly, telling jokes. They were on their way to Armin’s, but Mikasa’s palms began to sweat as soon as the house came into sight. 

Annie had heard the voice, and got up from her bed to look. 

On a whim, Mikasa glanced up to the window she knew was Annie’s, hoping to dispel her anxiety. 

The two caught eyes. Mikasa kept walking, Eren a few steps ahead of her, cheerful. Her own face was ghastly white and she couldn’t take her eyes away from the pale figure behind the glass. 

Annie looked sad. Lonely, even. Still looking into Mikasa’s black eyes, and without seeming to know she was doing it, she reached up and ran a fingertip slowly along her lip. Right where Mikasa had nearly split it. Right when she had cum. 

That night she appeared in Annie’s window. 

From then on Annie would catch her eye from the back seat of Bertholdt’s pickup at the ends of stressful days, and she would appear again. 

Eventually she started showing up whichever nights she felt like, pulling homework out of Annie’s hands or pillows out from under her head. It seemed like she had become addicted. 

That’s what puzzled Annie. She had never expected Mikasa to accuse her of being the sick one. But now everything might be ruined. If Annie was honest with herself, and she was, this thing she had with Mikasa was the only good thing in her life. 

Looking out her window she hoped the other girl would be back soon. Annie had a feeling it all hinged on Mikasa’s pride. 

Pulling a pair of pants on, she slid open her bedroom window and hopped out, nervous about seeing Mikasa at school. 


	4. What do you Like?

Mikasa hated the way her eyes would dart without permission to the door every time someone stepped inside. She wished she could concentrate. 

She had been punishing Annie, staying away from her house at night. If the blonde was going to mock her, saying she wasn’t enough to satisfy her, then she was going to have to do without Mikasa altogether. She also, of course, always recoiled from her tryst with Annie when she was reminded of how wrong it was, to do what they did. When she was reminded of how brutal and out of control she let herself slip. 

This punishing Annie thing had backfired in a number of ways. Mikasa had gotten used to sex any night she pleased and was now surprised to find that she missed it, and even more surprised that she noticed a difference right away. Her own hand was alright, but eventually it grew boring, and as ashamed as she was to be stuck jerking off every single night she found she couldn’t distract herself with homework or showers. She wanted to get off, and regularly. 

Aside from that small problem, she now found herself watching Annie like a hawk whenever she caught a glimpse of her. She was beginning to obsess over the idea of Annie being with someone else. Who left that bruise on her? Mikasa really did feel even filthier at the idea of her mouth being where some sadists’ was. Did Annie feel the loss as much as Mikasa? Every time they fucked Annie seemed one hundred percent dependent on her, and the idea that Annie didn’t need the sex as much as the brunette irked her. She hoped that if she could just stare hard enough, some detail might give away the answers to her questions. 

The blonde finally shuffled through the door, heading straight for the back row without sparing her a glance. Annie flopped down at a desk next to Bertholdt, and put her head down immediately, waiting to begin getting things over with. The same as always. 

No matter how much Mikasa examined her, she looked just like the same Annie she always was. A hoodie when it was cold, a worn T when it wasn’t. She smelled of weed from spending too much time in Bertholdt’s truck and sported bloody knuckles from backing Reiner up in the fights he picked. The bottom half of her backpack was a blinding fuchsia from a can of spray paint that broke, and over all she looked exactly like the type of person that Mikasa would never associate herself with. As always. 

Mikasa didn’t know very much about the low lives of the school. Could Annie have found a replacement already? How common could this behavior possibly be? She watched out of the corner of her eye as Reiner leaned over and said something, making Annie chuckle. _Chuckle._ Annie’s smile had to be even rarer than Annie’s kink. Was it _him?_ Did Annie even like hims? What did _Mikasa_ even like? 

With that thought she snapped her eyes away from the trio of street rats and out the window. Boys. She liked boys. Mikasa liked hims. True, she had never liked any at _this_ school, but… but there was no way it could be anything else. She and Annie never kissed. Aside from that Annie never really touched Mikasa, and if she did the taller girl would beat her while she did it. Every time those too-soft lips wrapped themselves around a nipple, Mikasa slapped her across the face. Even though the blonde continued playing with it with her tongue. When her hands wandered her wrists got twisted. Should her thigh slide too close between Mikasa’s she was punched. So Mikasa was straight. Though now she was having a hard time considering herself normal. 

She wondered if maybe she should simply stop going to Annie’s permanently. Surely it would be better for her. She could finally stop worrying about all the crazy things that came from fucking Annie. She imagined the hardest part was near over. The most difficult thing is breaking a habit for the first few weeks. Once you get that out of the way, not going back is easier. But god, did Mikasa hate sounding like an addict. And god, did the idea of being addicted to brutalizing Annie terrify her. 

Lunch was interrupted by a roar of cheers and violent screaming echoing through the hall. 

“What was that?” Armin asked, glancing around. 

“It was from the other cafeteria,” Jean said, standing up. “Let’s go see.” 

Eren hopped up and hurried along behind Jean, but Armin paused at the sound of a cafeteria table being slid rapidly across the floor and slamming into the wall that separated them from the other room. “Sounds like a pretty big fight,” he said. “Would a crowd make it worse?” 

“Well, Eren’s already there, so let’s hope not.” Mikasa tossed out her food, moving to the doorway and into the flood of excited students. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Annie, amidst the jeers of the moving audience, being hauled past them by Mr. Levi. Behind them Principal Smith had Reiner and a bloodied boy by one arm each. 

Briefly, Annie’s sullen eyes lifted and met Mikasa’s. The Blonde’s face was flushed, her lip was swollen, and there was a small cut on her brow. There she was, bruised and staring at Mikasa, and for a moment it didn’t feel like school. For a moment it felt like a dark, dusty, warm bedroom, and Mikasa felt her pussy clench as a pleasant thrill went through her. _Damn, I’ve been conditioned,_ she thought, trying to get a grip on herself. 

Eren popped through the crowded doorway, pumped up on the energy of a high school fight. 

“Reiner _threw_ a guy!” he said in awe, wandering back to his half eaten sandwich. Jean meandered in looking mildly impressed, and lunch slowly went back to what it should have been, except for the small nagging in Mikasa’s mind, wishing she had seen Annie fight. 

The rest of the day cleared up Mikasa’s thoughts, and by the end of it she was in the locker room, putting on her gear and getting ready for the first match of the season. The women’s wrestling team was small and new, but with Mikasa and Annie they seemed to stand a pretty decent chance. 

“Oh Captain, my Captain!” Sasha cheered as Mikasa rounded the corner to check on the other girls. They were all of different builds, being athletes from different sports. Out of all of them, Mikasa feared for slender, wiry, track team Sasha the most, but so far she hadn’t gotten snapped in half. 

“Where’s Annie?” Mikasa asked, noticing they were one short. 

“Detention,” Sasha said apologetically. 

Mikasa was livid. 

That night Annie’s window flew open and knocked hard into the wall. The blonde lay on her bed in her traditional tank and boy-shorts, staring quietly at the ceiling until Mikasa intruded and made her jump nearly out of her skin. 

“You missed the match,” Mikasa said flatly, tugging off her shirt and dropping it by the window.” 

“I was in trouble.” 

“You’re in trouble now.” Mikasa walked to the edge of the bed, grabbing Annie’s underwear and pulling it off in one clean tug. “Flip,” she said, smirking as Annie rolled into her stomach without protest, though her eyes seemed uninterested. 

“You’re a real pain in my ass,” Mikasa said, bending to bite the skin of Annie’s ass for emphasis. “We lost, too. Not that you care.” She dug her teeth in a second time, drawing a bit of blood. 

“I’m a boxer. You’re right, I don’t care. And since when do we talk?” 

Mikasa tugged her own flannels down, revealing the strap-on. “You’re right, we don’t talk.” She took out the dildo, and reached around to push it into Annie’s mouth. “So here.” 

She watched a few moments as Annie’s moth worked at the intrusion, a thin line of saliva beginning to drip down from the corner of her mouth. She took her time to appreciate the sight, but was ready reach out and take her toy back when a strange sound came up from the staircase. The two of them paused and looked at each other until it happened again. 

Annie reached up and slid the fake dick out of her mouth, licking her lips clean before informing Mikasa “That’s my father.” The garbled yell came up the stairs again. He had gotten closer to them, and this time it was easier for Mikasa to make out that what he was saying was almost complete gibberish.” 

“He’s drunk,” Annie offered. 

Mikasa paused then. Suddenly the room felt unfamiliar. Suddenly Mikasa saw Annie there on her bed. Annie from school, Annie a teenager, Annie with friends, laying there in the dark in a dark house, with a drunk and shouting man downstairs. Suddenly the chair against the door made Mikasa sick to her stomach with implications. 

And suddenly Annie was pushing the dildo into her hand. “Don’t feel bad for me,” she said. 

Mikasa looked down at her, still obediently laying on her stomach, and for a second she was unsure. But the clock ticked a few times, and Mikasa found that she had nothing else to say. This was Annie. Annie from school, and they were rivals, and really they were strangers. “I don’t,” she said, attaching it to the harness. “Eat the pillow.” 

Annie grabbed it and bit the corner, looking back at Mikasa challengingly. She didn’t blink when hands reached under her hips and jerked them upward, propping her up on her knees. 

She did however look quite startled when after Mikasa spread her legs, she spread her ass cheeks too. Annie refused to say anything. Not when Mikasa licked her fingers and ran them over what was completely new territory, not when she felt the toy nudge her open and slowly push inside, and not when she felt it burn as it spread her. 

Mikasa didn’t need to be as gentle as she would with anyone else. The point with Annie was pain, and this new method seemed efficient. She had both hands free, and wrapped one arm around Annie’s waist, bringing them as close as possible, and thrusting just as deep. With her other hand she reached down and slipped her fingers inside Annie’s core, which desperately welcomed them, muscles fluttering and clenching. _I told you you begged me._ Mikasa thought. 

After that, her hips started going harder, and she felt the ties of control she had over herself slipping away. Watching Annie’s hair shine from the streetlight outside as it fluttered around her face, and watching the muscles of her arm coil around the pillow she was gagging herself with was mesmerizing. Mikasa let herself go, eventually releasing Annie’s hips from her grasp and leaning forward on her arm, closing her eyes briefly to smell Annie’s sweat and shampoo. She dragged her fingers of the flesh inside of Annie roughly, huffing into the back of the girl’s neck. 

When she opened her eyes, she saw that Annie was crying into the pillow. Startled, she tried to stop herself, distressed at the thought that she had actually been hurting Annie. Or rather hurting her too much. It was too late though, as seconds later Annie clamped tightly around her fingers, and with a stifled grunt she came, throbbing heavily against the digits buried inside of her. 

“Are you hurt?” Mikasa asked quietly. 

“Yeah.” Annie said peacefully, as Mikasa stroked along her G-Spot much more gently than she usually did. She didn’t understand the apology. 

She didn’t realize Mikasa had seen her tears. She didn’t even realize she had been crying. She was only half aware of the voice running through her head, of Mikasa’s voice telling her that she was sick. Of that spiteful voice telling her she was fascinating, and disgusting. _Is that why you’re here?_ Annie thought before she came. _You’re punishing me. But I think you like it._

Mikasa pulled out of Annie and tossed the dildo to the floor. “You’re alright?” 

“Yeah,” Annie said absentmindedly. “You’re awfully talkative all of a sudden.” 

Mikasa scowled at her slightly, second guessing her concern for the smaller girl. A loud bang from downstairs made her jump though. 

“It’s fine.” Annie said. “Are we done for the night?” 

Mikasa found herself reluctant to leave. 

“You don’t look like you are.” Annie said mockingly, pointing to where there was an extra shine accumulated on the inside of Mikasa’s thighs. 

_How did that get there?_ Mikasa wondered. _I really have been conditioned._

Annie twisted and flopped on her back. “You wanna just grind it out on my thigh?” She nudged Mikasa with her leg. “That’s almost all you ever do anyway.” 

Mikasa was reminded of Annie suggesting Mikasa wasn’t enough for her. “What, do I bore you?” 

“Well it’s true, isn’t it? You come up with all of these wild ways to torture me, but you know. You always just rub yourself off against something. 

Mikasa blushed fiercely. “Don’t talk about it that way. God, don’t say it like that.” 

“Like what?” 

“You know what? What the fuck. Why are we even talking. Let’s just go back to silence.” 

Annie looked up at her patiently. With a huff she unstrapped herself as Annie watched, seeming to be only vaguely interested. Mikasa smoothed her palm along Annie’s thigh, before pushing it down on the bed and crawling over her, sliding up her body until she sat up proudly, legs on either side of Annie’s face. 

Annie looked up at her, wide-eyed and questioning. 

“You missed the match. So eat.” Mikasa couldn’t help the excitement she felt. She liked this position, and she felt like a badass. She was reveling in the idea that she had taken Annie by surprise. 

A small bead of cum dripped onto Annie’s lip, and at the sight of Annie closing her eyes and at the sound of her pleased moan, Mikasa felt all confidence rush out of her and leave her cold. 

She had never done this before. And here she was exposed. And here Annie was, apparently ready to take her like a champ. She squeaked a little bit in nervousness, but Annie didn’t seem to hear her, as she had begun running her fingertips delicately over the backs of Mikasa’s thighs, and running them in circles in the crooks of her knees, kissing hotly and open mouthed along the flesh of Mikasa’s leg nearest her mouth. _Oh no._ Mikasa thought. _Oh god, what am I doing? There was a reason I’ve never let her touch me._

Annie leaned up, and placed an open mouthed kiss on Mikasa’s pussy. It was gentle, and slow, and Mikasa had never felt so vulnerable and so sweetly violated in her life. Finding it hard to breath, she stuttered out the first thing that came to mind. “Is that how you do it?” she asked quietly, glancing down at the girl between her legs. 

Annie looked up at her, and a calm understanding overtook her features. _She can tell I’m a virgin, can’t she?_ Mikasa asked herself, though she didn’t have time to dwell, as her clit was suddenly enveloped in a hot, wet suction. 

_“Urnkgh!”_ She blurted out ungracefully, and grabbed Annie’s headboard. Her forehead hit it a second later when Annie’s tongue slid along her slit and around her now painfully swollen nub with a practiced ease. 

Annie pulled away then, looking at Mikasa curiously. 

“What?” 

“You want more?” 

Mikasa looked down at her with furrowed brows, trying to figure out if the blonde was mocking her. 

“Then take you’re top off,” she said, deciding to push her luck. When Mikasa didn’t move right away, Annie slid her tongue inside of her, stroking along and tickling her g-spot. 

Mikasa squirmed at the new sensation, and whimpered out a surprised _“Oh!”_ before, to her embarrassment, she squealed out _“Annie!”_

Mikasa’s face heated up and she felt the shorter girl staring at her. Mikasa rarely made any sounds, and neither of them had ever called out the other’s name before. Hoping to distract Annie from what had just happened, she reached behind herself and unclasped her bra. 

Annie looked at her hungrily, and dove back in, the rubbing and sliding of her tongue and her suckling lips drawing out a jerky rhythm from Mikasa’s hips, until eventually the taller girl learned how to ride. 

Eventually in her haze, Mikasa noticed pleased moans coming from the girl below her. She moaned quietly herself at the realization, gushing a little bit and then blushing embarrassedly at the thought of where it was going. To her relief Annie seemed quite pleased with the wetness suddenly dripping down her chin. Mikasa watched as the blonde sighed blissfully and jerked her hips into the air. 

Annie decided to push her luck once more, hands leaving their grip on Mikasa’s thighs and sliding up over stomach, creeping slowly up toward her breasts. Mikasa nervously covered Annie’s hands with her own, halting their movement. 

Not put out, Annie slipped her hands out from under Mikasa’s and ran them back down the path they had come, before running them around to the brunette’s ass, groping her happily. She used her new grip to pull Mikasa closer to her face, and slid her tongue inside again, dragging her tongue purposefully over Mikasa’s sweet spot and feeling Mikasa’s inner muscles squeeze along her tongue, trying to pull it deeper inside. 

Annie heard the girl cry out above her as she came, the sound surprised and completely overcome. She pushed her tongue against the current of the muscles, helping to milk the orgasm for all it was worth. She sighed happily as more of Mikasa leaked out, and ran down her throat. 

Eventually she pulled her tongue out, leaving Mikasa’s slit coated with excess saliva and cum. She bit her lip at the sight before glancing up at the other girl. 

“Feel better?” Annie asked calmly. 

Mikasa nodded faintly, her mind reeling. _That was pretty gay._ She scolded herself. As she crawled away from Annie and reached for her clothes, she suddenly started to wonder. _Is Annie gay? I never thought of her as a… lesbian. I always thought of her as Annie. Sure, we do this all the time, but I’m doing it and I’m not a…_ Pants on, she reached for her bra. _She made me take this off…_

Clasping her bra, she decided she was sick of having unanswered questions about Annie. “Annie… are you… a, uh, lesbian?” _Well that wasn’t awkward._

Annie kept looking at her plainly, unaffected by the question. Tucking her hands behind her head, she said “Well, what do you think?” 

“I think you… are?” 

“Yeah, well, aren’t you? 

Mikasa fell quiet, looking away. Her silence persisted as she walked back to the window, and bent to pick up her shirt. 

Annie’s curiosity was piqued but she said nothing, considering that really, she and Mikasa weren’t that close, and if Mikasa didn’t want to talk about it or didn’t know the answer, it really wasn’t any of her business. 

Mikasa looked out the window, knowing it was about time to leave. In the reflection, she saw Annie sit up, and was struck with a sudden thought. _She’s not into Reiner, then. And that bruise…_ She glanced to the door, where the chair was still lodged. _Don’t fucking tell me._

“Hey,” Annie said. “You taking the strap?” 

“Clean it for me, would you?” 

Annie scoffed at her, but it was only half-hearted, as she curled back up in her bed, tired. 

Briefly, Mikasa thought that maybe she and Annie would make decent friends. But then Annie called out to her. 

“I don’t understand this any more than you do,” she said. “Why I’m like this.” 

Mikasa nodded, putting her hand on the window. 

“But I didn’t make you this way.” 

And just like that Mikasa knew she needed to keep her distance. Friends? They weren’t even going to talk next time. 


	5. Night Fights

_I didn’t make you this way._

Mikasa feinted left and swung her fist into Annie’s gut. All her pent up frustrations, and all her uncertainty revolving around Annie were being released, and she watched as the blonde curled in on herself and slumped to the ground. She wondered if there would be another round. 

She glanced at the clock by Annie’s bed, and saw a glowing 4:23 warning her to get home soon. Her attention turned back to the girl on the floor when she heard a shuddering gasp. Annie whimpered over the faint hum of the vibrator buried inside of her, though for a brief moment she tried to stand up again, her fists falling into a trembling semblance of her fighting stance. 

As an orgasm overtook her, she crumpled again at Mikasa’s feet. Mikasa ignored her, and stooped to gather up the clothes she had stripped off, leaving her only in her underwear. It was because of the heat of course, she reassured herself as she paused to check the bruises Annie’s bare fists had left in her sides. Kneeling down to retrieve her toy, she raked her eyes over Annie’s naked form, making a tally of all the hits she had landed. 

“No, wait…!” Annie said weakly, as Mikasa reached out “Don’t take it yet, it’s too good…”

Mikasa watched as Annie writhed in front of her, eyes glazed over and hips twitching. The girl rolled onto her stomach, and on an impulse Mikasa reached down and slid her hands under the blonde’s hips, yanking them up so that Annie’s ass was in the air, pussy on display in front of her. Mikasa slid her thumbs gently against Annie’s slit, tracing along the buzzing silicone before slipping down further to pause just before her red and swollen clit. 

_Poor thing_ She thought. 

Kneeling behind Annie, Mikasa slid a thigh between the other girl’s before crawling forward to hover over Annie’s back, planting her hands firmly on the ground next to the blonde’s elbows. When she began to roll her hips, her thigh slid firmly against Annie's clit, and she pushed back immediately to meet Mikasa thrust for thrust, the vibrator twitching sporadically between them against Mikasa’s leg. 

She felt like an animal once again, and Annie’s breathy mewling was only making it worse. Her bigger concern however, was the fluttery warmth in her stomach, and the newer warmth beginning to seep into her panties. 

_No, no, no._ She thought. _I’m mad at her. I think I hate her. I came here to smack her around._ She began jerking roughly against Annie, her anger taking over. She sighed in frustration when Annie moaned contentedly. _For her it’s about sex. For me… it’s not. If I hadn’t suggested the vibrator she never would have..._ Annie’s back flexed underneath her as she rose up on her hands. Her skin was soft, and Mikasa couldn’t help but notice how good it felt when it dragged across her nipples. The muscles in Annie’s back were coiling, and when she shifted again Mikasa’s breasts were pressed up against them, and she couldn’t escape the delightful feeling of them being kneaded as Annie moved against her. Mikasa choked back a moan. _No! No…! I’m doing this out of pity. I feel guilty for hitting her so hard… for convincing her to fight…_

Annie went limp underneath her, and sank to the ground panting, the heat between them dissipating. Mikasa stood as quickly as she could. Her fingers fumbled to clasp her bra, and when her shirt was over her head she heard Annie speak. 

“You don’t want to…?” Mikasa looked down to see Annie’s curious eyes pinned between her legs, where she assumed a wet spot had spread and darkened the fabric considerably. 

“No.” 

She ignored the slight look of disappointment on Annie’s face. _Absolutely not. There’s no way I’m getting off on this sick shit. Anymore. It was a phase and I’m over it._ She tugged her pants on roughly, and glanced down as Annie clicked off the vibrations.

“You want this back?” She hesitated. 

“Clean it. I’ll get it later.” 

“I saw, you know. Don’t tell me it’s not uncomfortable. Don’t you want me to help you rub one out?” 

“You are the most vulgar piece of… no. No I don’t.” She slid open the window. 

“Why?” 

“I just came to kick the crap out of you. And see if you could cum because of it. 

Annie frowned. “I came because of the –” 

“Yeah, sure. But a freak like you? I bet you don’t need it. I bet a beating is all it really takes.” Annie didn’t let the hurt show on her face, but Mikasa felt it permeate the room. “I’ll take it next time. Do you still have the other one?” 

“Yeah.” 

“I’ll grab them both, then.” She swung a leg out the window and didn’t look back. 

Trudging through back yards in the dark, she couldn’t help but think back to Annie, and how good she had felt against her. _She’s so warm…_ Mikasa ran a hand over her breast trying to recall the feeling. 

Miserably she came to her own house, hopping up into the tree beside it. Her stomach sank slightly when she noticed a silvery light flickering from within her own room. _Goddamnit._ Lunging onto the section of roof beneath her window, she sat up to meet eyes with Eren, who lay on her bed watching television in the dark. 

“You bastard,” she said as she crawled inside. “How did you notice?” 

“I’ve known for a while. But tonight, Armin’s got the flue! So I stayed up to keep him company.” He waved his cellphone in his hand victoriously. “I’m such a good friend. He’s asleep now, but I thought, I’m always asleep when Mikasa sneaks back in – so why not find out how late she stays out? And you know what? I’m impressed.” 

“Well, thank you.” She kicked off her shoes, and stepped over to check the clock on her nightstand. 5:32. _Fuck._

“So, you gonna tell me w-…” As Mikasa tugged off her shirt Eren’s face fell gravely serious. “Mikasa, you smell like sex.” 

Mikasa froze, not meeting his stare. “Do I?” She turned quietly, and dumped her shirt into the hamper instead of on the floor. 

“You’re sneaking out for sex?” Eren was in awe. “But I didn’t even know you were dating anyone! What…?” 

“I’m not.” Shame started to creep along her spine, and she felt her face heating up as she slipped out of her jeans, trying subtly to wipe Annie’s cum off her thigh with the denim. 

“But you always… you never wanted to be like those other kids. You always… you said you wanted to fall in love first." 

Eren sounded so disappointed. So _concerned_. Worst of all Mikasa could tell he was hurt she had kept this big a secret from him.

“I know… I thought that’s what I was going to do…" 

“It’s just one person, right…? What, like… friends? With benefits?” 

“I… don’t know that we’re even friends.” Wow that sounded… not great. 

“You know you could do better than that. You know you deserve better than that." 

“Yeah. I… yeah.” She stepped into her closet to slip out of her panties. She glanced down at them briefly before dropping them to the floor. They were glossy, and completely soaked. 

“So what. Are you just… desperate for sex?” 

_Don’t say that… god, don’t say that._ “Eren… I don’t know. I don’t know anything.“ Her voice cracked. Pulling on a pair of flannels she wandered back out into the room, wanting nothing more than to crawl into bed and jerk off while _not_ thinking of Annie. 

“I wanna go to bed.” She grabbed Eren’s wrist, quietly heaving his entire body off the mattress with one tug, a tired look in her eyes. She wrapped an arm around his shoulder, and muscled him towards the door. 

“Don’t you wanna talk about it?” Eren asked gently, wrapping an arm around her shoulder, and tightening it until it was a headlock. 

“No…” The two began to grapple each other, Mikasa trying to open her door and Eren trying to drag them further into the room. Though Mikasa had had a few inches on him ever since childhood, his shoulders had broadened, and he finally stood more of a chance against her. 

“I thought we were still close!” He struggled to say as he was shoved forward a few steps. “Don’t you trust me? I trust you. I just want you to be happy!” He threw his weight back yanking her arms and managing to regain some ground. “Can’t we talk?” 

“No fucking way.” Mikasa dropped her weight and tackled his legs, not flinching when his back hit the ground, but instead grabbing his ankles and pulling him across the floor. 

“Is it Jean!?” 

“Jesus! No!” She grabbed his arms, trying to pull him up so she could get him out the door, but he had gone limp and refused to move. 

“Remember we used to sleep in here together and tell secrets?” 

The sudden memory got to her, and she loosened her grip on the full nelson she had been trying to lock him into. 

“Because you had night terrors." 

“Yeah…" 

“Do you? Still?” 

“Yeah, sometimes." 

“Do you wanna know a secret?” 

“What?” 

“Most of the secrets I told you back then, I just made up.” 

“Eren, I know you never had a baby dragon.” 

He laughed sheepishly, and turned around to smile sadly at her. “Can I sleep in here tonight?” 

Wiping an unshed tear from her eye, Mikasa agreed, standing up and shuffling over to get under the covers. 

“So do you even like him?” 

“… No, I… don’t… I don’t think so.” 

“Then why do you even go?” 

“I’ve been trying to figure that out… lately. 

“I would totally listen, if you wanted to tell me all about it,” Eren said hopefully. 

“Yeah, you would… maybe just not tonight. Maybe never. I don’t freaking know." 

“Ok…” 

Just as Mikasa's eyes slipped closed, Eren broke the peace once more.

"Do you at least think he's hot?" 

"...Yeah." And the rest of the night she lay awake, tormenting herself to the sound of Eren's snoring in an attempt to figure out what "hot" really meant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finals are over! Here's a short one just to get me warmed up. I'll be back with more soon.


	6. Flaming Dyke

“Hah, look at Connie. He wishes he could spike like me.” 

“Oh please, like he cares about how you spike.” 

Traditionally, tournament style gym classes were a favorite of Mikasa and Eren’s, as it meant an opportunity to systematically dominate everyone in their class. Today however, a weary Mikasa sat staring blankly into the crowd, leaving Jean as Eren’s only companion between rounds. 

“You know Eren, you might think you’re some amazing player, but I’ve never seen you once play setter. You suck at it, or do you just want to hog all the attention?” 

“Oh, Armin’s texting me, let me just reply. ‘Get better soon, you’re the only fun one, thanks for not looking like a horse.” 

“Wow.” 

Sitting on the row of bleachers below them, Mikasa sat in a sleepless haze, not having rested for a moment since Eren asked her if her mystery fuck was ‘hot.’ Instead, she had wracked her brain nonstop, trying to create the image of a person in her mind who fit the description of ‘hot,’ and finding that she had absolutely no idea what the word meant to her. Aside from that, she had had to worry about Annie all day. 

Apparently miffed by how Mikasa had left things the night before, she had begun something new and horrible. In homeroom, she had caught Mikasa’s eye and _winked_ at her, with a knowing little smirk. Mikasa spent the next five minutes trying to determine if anyone had seen it. Passing in the halls she had brushed up against Mikasa _three_ times, and as far as Mikasa was concerned the girl had made an effort to smell extra nice. The bitch. Ultimately she had flicked a note onto her desk in math, which read You seem tense. You should have let me blow you. Turning scarlet, she refused to look up the entire period, imagining all the horrible things that would have happened if someone had somehow read or intercepted the note. 

In the locker room, Annie had sat down next to her to change, away from the other girls. Mikasa glowered at her, but Annie, unthreatened, stared Mikasa down and pulled her hoodie off in a way that caught her breasts before letting them bounce free under the soft fabric of her shirt. 

Mikasa had grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her up from the bench, pushing her against the lockers. 

“What the hell are you doing?” she asked, voice low and cold. 

“Fucking with you.” 

“Why?!” 

“Because I fucking can.” Annie had struggled against the lockers, trying to break free. 

“Well stop. You… _flirting_ with me? Or whatever this is? Stop it. It’s… it’s weird, and I’m not even _gay_ , Ok?” 

Mikasa’s voice had dropped to a hissing whisper.

“Fine,” Annie said, seeing the hints of pain in Mikasa’s eyes, as well as uncertainty. “But pick up your dildo’s from my house soon, Ok?” 

Disgruntled, Mikasa tried to focus on the players and push Annie out of her mind. She watched Marco drop to the ground with an impressive block, before leaping back up a second later. _Maybe Marco’s hot…_ Mikasa thought. _His legs are… nice. Aren't they? Long... strong, certainly…_ Her gaze caught on Sasha then, jumping into the air for a set. _And her legs are long too, and… and…_ Pursing her lips, she pulled her eyes away from the players. Maybe it would be best if she didn’t ogle her classmates quite so much. 

Glancing around to see if anyone had noticed her, she caught sight of Annie, bumming around across the room with Reiner and Bertholdt. She had a pencil balanced by its eraser on the tip of her tongue, and her friends watched on in awe, leaning in to see if was wobbling. It tumbled out of her mouth a few seconds later when she began to laugh. Mikasa’s heart leapt into her throat at the sound of it. Before she could dwell, Annie spotted her, and licked her lips suggestively. Mikasa would have thought it was obscene, and trashy, if Annie hadn’t looked so pretty in that moment. If a small part of Mikasa hadn’t found her crude behavior just the slightest bit endearing. If she had been able to forget the way her tongue felt against the soft flesh between her thighs. 

Sighing heavily, she heaved herself up with Eren and Jean as the whistle blew. Making her way to her spot on the court, she glanced at Annie and regretted it immediately, as the blonde very subtly drew a fingertip between her lips, and ran her tongue along it while holding Mikasa’s gaze unblinkingly. Grumpily, Mikasa decided she wanted this match over as quickly as possible so that the opposing team would be switched and she could spike Annie in the face. 

Tired as she was, she pelted that ball to the ground with such ferocity that within minutes the other team was out, barely having gotten a chance to play. The next team moved onto the court, and Annie of course moved to the position in front of Mikasa, who immediately raised the ball to strike. 

As the defeated team dispersed, one sulking player called out “Fuck you, Mikasa… you flaming dyke!” 

As intended, the ball struck Annie directly in the skull, but only because she had turned in shock to look at the boy. Mikasa stood on the other side of the net frozen, not sure how to feel. Her face had flushed in shame, having her sexuality attacked in front of her entire gym class. Within seconds however, Annie staggered backwards and fell to the ground, and Mikasa felt a heavy regret. 

All eyes turned to the small blonde on the ground as Reiner and Bertholdt rushed to her side, leaning down to get a good look at her. Mikasa’s hand flew to her mouth as she looked on, the coach making his way to Annie, who tried to stand up but fell back onto her ass with a light thump, clearly audible in the now silent gym. 

“Can you get her to the nurse?” The coach asked Bertholdt, who nodded quickly, and scooped Annie into his arms, walking carefully out of the room as he leaned down to mumble something to her in a worried voice. 

The gym door clicked closed loudly in the silence, which was filled a moment later by the sound of squeaking sneakers as Eren bolted to the boy and decked him soundly in the face. 

“That’s enough!” The coach cried, before blowing his whistle and announcing class over. He grabbed the scuffling boys and dragged them to the principal. 

Mikasa hesitated to go into the locker room, dreading the thought of the other girls wondering if she was, in fact, a flaming dyke. Sasha opened the door in front of her, and held it to her, looking concerned. 

“Are you Ok?” She asked. 

“Yeah. Of course.” 

“We know it’s not true,” she said, reassuringly. 

Mikasa wasn’t sure what to feel, let alone what to think or say. Images of a quivering and sweaty Annie popped into her head. 

“But if it were… you would still have to come in here and get your bag, wouldn’t you?” 

Mikasa looked at Sasha terrified, but tried not to let it show. The other girl still looked concerned, and still kind. She sighed and put her hand against the door, walking inside. “But it isn’t.” 

“Right. Don’t let him get to you.” 

Mikasa had a feeling Sasha suspected a little something. Did they all? 

She rushed to get dressed and back out into the hall, but she walked as slowly as she could past the glass wall of the main office. She found Eren sitting there, looking apologetic as he waited to see the principal, bowing his head under the coach’s scolding. He saw Mikasa watching him, and when the coach turned away he shot her a goofy smile with both thumbs up. She knew she had a good brother. 

Mikasa didn’t see Annie the rest of the day. She hoped the delinquent was only off skipping class, and not heavily concussed. She also hoped that whatever was keeping Annie out of class would also keep her out of wrestling tonight, because while Mikasa wanted to apologize, she still didn’t want to look Annie in the eye after being called a dyke. 

The rest of her day did nothing to make Mikasa feel better, as she was left without Armin and then without Eren, who remained in the principal’s custody. Alone, she pretended not to notice the stares that stuck to her as she sat down in every class, and the whispers that would cut short when she got closer to them. She tortured herself imagining that the entire student body had just realized she had never had a boyfriend. That they would look at her muscles and think she was butch. 

Her day was even less forgiving when Annie did, in fact, show up to practice that afternoon. She did her best to avoid the blonde, who didn’t seem to be looking for any sort of apology anyway. In fact, she didn’t even look at Mikasa once. 

Sasha went down, Mina went down, Hannah went down. Focusing on her matches had made her feel better, and more at home in the gym. Until of course she turned back to the bleachers, and noticed how the other girls were eyeing her. Oh god. 

When Sasha sat on the row in front of her, she couldn’t help but ask. “Sash, they’re… talking about me, right?” 

“Yeah, I think so. What happened in gym’s been the gossip all day. It’s probably a completely different story by now.” 

“How do you mean?” 

“Well, I try not to listen to that stuff, but one of the things I heard was that you had gone to the ball rack and were spiking them at that kid, and Annie just happened to get in the way. 

“Well that’s… interesting.” 

“To them it is, that’s why they’re still talking about it. I’m sure you’re used to it by now though… right?” Sasha trailed off, looking up at Mikasa apologetically. 

It took a moment for Mikasa to realize what she meant. “Yeah, that… I haven’t heard anyone talking about that in a while though.” 

“They still do…” 

“Great.” 

A few minutes later and the whistle blew, sending them all in the direction of the showers. Having someone to keep her company for even just a little while had brightened her spirits, and hearing that the gossip had been more about violence than gayness she walked straight into the locker room. 

“Do you think she looks?” was the whisper that greeted Mikasa immediately upon opening the door. She couldn’t tell who said it, and she was too scared to look. Walking as quickly as she could without drawing more attention to herself, she made her way to the far back of the room, where she always had space to herself. Her new strategy was to shuffle through her bag and subtly waste time until everyone left. 

“Well. Look how flushed you are. All those sweaty bodies really get you worked up, huh?” Annie asked with a hint of laughter in her voice. Mikasa turned to find the shorter girl smirking at her once again, loving the stress she was under. 

“Please, you’re the one they really need to worry about, one twisted arm and you might jizz all over someone’s thigh.” 

“Woah, calm down. I was just joking. This things so stupid, I didn’t think you’d be taking it seriously.” The emotion in Mikasa’s voice had come out low and raw. What had really surprised Annie though, was the ferocious look in her eyes. 

Mikasa grabbed the door to her locker and flung it shut, the metallic sound echoing throughout the room. The chatting in the showers was silenced instantly, except for one hissed ‘holy shit.’ 

“They’re scared of you,” Annie said quietly. 

“Yeah, they’re scared of me _lezzing up the place.”_

“So what?” 

“So what? Maybe I should tell them about you, so you can better understand.” 

“And how exactly are you going to explain to them how you know about me?” Mikasa huffed in defeat, and slumped down on the bench. 

“My head’s fine, by the way.” 

“No concussion?” Mikasa asked sullenly, the fight having been sapped out of her. 

“Oh please. Don’t overestimate yourself. You gonna shower when they leave?” 

“No.” Mikasa grabbed her bag. “I’m gonna escape while they’re still in there.” 

It rained that night. Mikasa’s television went out, Eren went to sleep, and her room was dark and quiet. She hadn’t felt any better since she got to talk with Sasha, and she hated to admit she was lonely. As much as she wanted to confide in Eren, or even her other friends, she couldn’t. How could she really explain why she was so upset without explaining Annie, and all of the confusion and frustration she came with? 

Sitting on her bed, she laced up her boots, numbly wondering if she could ever break this habit. She was barely aware of it when the cold rain began soaking through her clothes, and she felt like she was dreaming when she drifted under the blinding glows of streetlamps. Even feeling the wet roof of Annie’s shed under her palms barely registered in her mind. Mikasa didn’t snap out of her miserable daze until she stood up to grab onto the other girl’s window sill. _Holy shit._ she thought, her eyes widening at what she saw through the glass. 

There stood Annie, examining herself sideways in her full body mirror. She wore a tank and nothing else save Mikasa’s strap on, wrapped loosely around her hips, the toy dangling between her legs. Mikasa felt her neck heat up as she watched the girl gyrate her hips a few times, checking the way the phallus moved with her. Mikasa nearly choked when Annie bit the tip of her thumb thoughtfully, and rolled her hips, grinding into the air. Not sure what to do she grabbed the window and slid it open, catching Annie’s attention. Mikasa hated how unembarrassed Annie seemed. 

“Hey. How do you think this looks?” 

Trying to keep her composure, Mikasa walked up behind her. “Too big.” When Annie looked up at her disapprovingly, she went on. “Really, how tall are you? You would have a way smaller dick.” 

“Shut up. It wouldn’t be way smaller.” She walked over to her bed and flopped down. “Besides, what’d you get this for? To be realistic? It’s pink.” 

“Whatever. Take it off,” she said, beginning to peel the dripping clothes away from her skin. 

“Why?” 

“Because I want to use it. Obviously.” 

“You know, you keep telling me you’re straight. Why is it that you always wanna be the one with the dick? Fucking a girl with your dick.” 

“I get it because I’m in control; there’s no way I’m letting you touch me.” 

“I’ve touched you.” 

“And I hit you for it." 

“But you didn’t leave." 

Finally undressed, she stepped up next to Annie’s bed and grabbed the straps forcefully, attempting to unbuckle the other girl. 

“I could fuck you with this without touching you, you know.” Mikasa glanced at her, uncertain, still fighting Annie’s hands for dominion over the buckles. “And wouldn’t that be the least gay thing? We wouldn’t touch each other… you would get some D…” 

“It’s not real. Besides, I don’t come here to get off. I come here to fuck you up.” 

“And to fuck me of course. But come on, you can’t be trying to deny all those times you definitely did get off.” 

“I’m not… 

“So. Come on. I won’t judge you, I understand. You’re single, you’re horny.” She pat the spot on the bed next to her. “So let me play with this thing for a night. I think it looks good on me. I never knew I looked good in pink.” 

Mikasa lay down hesitantly against Annie’s pillows. Shifting nervously to get comfortable, she shocked herself when she realized that she had forgotten something even more important than her sexuality. “I… I’ve never…” Her face flushed faster than it ever had, and despite how proud she was when she was saving herself for love, she was embarrassed by her lack of experience. She could tell Annie was savvy, but she was completely lost. 

“Well, I’ll be gentle. You little virgin.” Annie’s palms were warm when she pushed Mikasa’s thighs apart, and she grinned internally as she settled between them and heard Mikasa’s breath catch in her throat. Before she even bothered to tighten the straps, she leaned in close to Mikasa’s ear. “You know, it works better if you’re warmed up first. You want me to try?” 

“N-no, you’re not supposed to touch me.” Mikasa had, in fact, been a little on edge since leaving Annie’s unfinished the night before. She wondered if it would really take that much. 

“Well… there’s another thing to worry about. You’re tight, aren’t you?” 

“I… I don’t know. I guess. Why? Look, I don’t wanna do this if…” 

“Relax. Did you only use these on me?” Annie smirked a bit, gesturing to the silicone against her thighs. Mikasa’s brows furrowed, and she moved to sit up and leave. “Ah, ah, wait.” Annie grabbed her shoulders and pushed her back down, holding her there firmly. “I’m not making fun of you, I’m only asking. Did you only use these on me?” 

Mikasa nodded, feeling foolish. 

“Well, gosh, if they were just for me you could’ve gotten bigger ones.” A thoughtful smile curled onto Annie’s lips, but only for a moment before Mikasa, embarrassed again, tried to get up. “Oh, stop, I’m still not making fun of you.” She pushed her back down again. “It’s sweet of you really, to go through the trouble just for lil’ ol’ me.” 

“Well, I don’t exactly know how… lesbians have sex. You know, without…” she nodded to the toy between them.” 

“Right. That’s Ok.” Annie began swirling her nails gently along the insides of Mikasa’s thighs. 

_Oh god. That’s… nice._ Mikasa thought. “You weren’t supposed to touch me, right?” 

“Well about that. I think I’m going to need to.” She slid her hand quickly up Mikasa’s inner thigh, stopping just before she got to that sweet, sensitive place she knew Mikasa would break her nose for touching. “Because if you’re too tight… I might need to work you out a little bit before. ‘Cause I don’t wanna hurt you.” When Mikasa didn’t answer she wiggled her hips impatiently, the toy swaying as she tried to coax the other girl. “Pleeeaasseee I really wanna play with this thing. And you’re always on top.” 

“Of course I’m always on top, you like having the shit kicked out of you.” She felt like she was going to agree to this. Why the fuck was she going to agree to this? 

Annie leaned in close, her voice suddenly smooth, and gentle. “I’ll make it feel good. I promise.” 

Mikasa felt goosebumps spread up her arms. _Damn. She wins._

“And if it doesn’t I’ll suck you off twice just to make up for it. 

“Alright, alright. Just… get on with it.” Annie’s fingers ghosted up the length of her slit. _Oh. God. Ok. She’s doing this._

Annie hovered over Mikasa, leaning her body on one elbow, not allowing their skin to touch except for where her fingers had begun to toy with the taller girl. Within moments there was heat between them. Mikasa gasped as Annie’s fingers slipped easily through her folds, and pressed at her entrance. “Relax… god you’re tense…” She leaned in close, almost brushing her lips against the other girl’s ear. “Maybe this will help…” She stroked the underside of Mikasa’s clit lightly, before daring to graze the shell of Mikasa’s ear with her teeth. “Is it alright if I play with this?” She breathed out, making Mikasa shiver. She delicately licked the flesh she had trapped between her teeth. 

Mikasa looked down to find her clit swollen and red, and she nodded, rendered mute and light headed. When Annie’s finger began spiraling against the small nub she found she couldn’t do more than stare at the ceiling and try not to pant. 

After a few minutes Annie decided to play a little game. “What do you like better… this?” She ran her finger in a few fast, tight circles, and heard Mikasa grunt weakly, trying not to moan. “Or this…?” She ran her finger the other way, and was delighted to hear a small cry from the brunette, whose muscles had gone taught in a building desperation. “What about this?” She pressed two fingers snugly against the hood of Mikasa’s clit, rubbing up and down over the stiff flesh underneath, in what she imagined felt like the equivalent of a handjob. 

Mikasa’s head rolled back as her back arched. “W-what does it matter…? I just… nggh” 

“I just wanna know what you like… I promised I’d make it feel good, didn’t I? I want this to feel good... and this…” She moved her hand down, sliding the tip of a finger deftly inside. “Can I see how you feel?” At Mikasa’s strained nod, she pushed in, feeling the muscles clamp down on her finger immediately. _Mmmm_ She couldn’t help but moan, and she closed her eyes briefly, sighing against Mikasa’s ear. “Now let’s try…” She slid in a second finger, flexing them inside the other girl, feeling resistance as she gauged how tight she was. 

Mikasa shuddered, unused to the feeling of anything inside her. She bit her lip and looked to Annie, oddly reassured by the flush in her cheeks and the lust in her eyes as she looked over Mikasa’s body. “That doesn’t hurt, does it?” Annie’s voice was so gentle, and as their eyes met, she really did look concerned. Biting her lip, she shook her head no. 

“Do you mind if I…” The blonde leaned in, pressing her lips softly to Mikasa’s neck. She paused for a moment, before placing an open mouthed kiss on the spot. It was the first time her lips had ever touched Mikasa, and she felt a burst of pride when she saw her nipples harden. 

“You weren’t supposed to touch me… 

“I know… that’s why I’m asking. Do want me to stop?” 

Mikasa was torn. She knew she didn’t want to agree to having Annie’s lips on her. But she felt a disappointment at the idea of telling her to stop. “I don’t know…” 

“Will this help you decide?” She kissed a trail down her neck, sucking at the tender flesh, and rubbing at Mikasa’s g-spot. The breathless gasp she got was reward enough, but Mikasa clenched around her fingers and Annie felt like she had won a lottery. Mikasa however, was visibly embarrassed, and was about to protest. “No, no…” Annie cooed. “That’s good, that’s what I need you to do…” 

Mikasa fell silent, looking up at Annie with wide eyes. She really was out of her element, and knew virtually nothing about sex or what was happening between them. She only hoped Annie wasn’t tricking her into doing something embarrassing, but when she looked into those big blue eyes, they seemed sincere. “Ok…” 

“Good…” Annie purred, resuming her work on Mikasa’s neck, rubbing again at her spot before sliding her fingers out. At Mikasa’s whine of protest, she chuckled, whispering _patience_ into her ear, and brushing her tongue inside. Mikasa squeaked at the feeling, and Annie was starting to realize how much of her vulnerability she was allowing Annie to see. She played with her clit a few more minutes, waiting until she was squirming slightly, and was letting herself pant and whine. Finally she pushed her fingers back inside. When Mikasa moved her hips into the sensation, she added a third. She heard a quiet moan from beneath her, and knew she was ready. 

Mikasa watched foggily as Annie sat up between her legs, and tugged the strap on tighter, making their toy stand erect. “It matches you’re nipples…” she murmured, catching Annie’s attention and making her glance down at herself. “They’re really pink…” 

Annie smiled at the thought of matching Mikasa's dildo as she leaned over to her nightstand, pulling something from a drawer. “Haven’t had to use this in a while.” She sat back, squeezing lube into her hand and rubbing it up the shaft, sliding with her palm over the head. She was so concentrated on making sure it was slick enough, she didn’t notice the way Mikasa was staring at her. Kneeling with her legs spread, cock in hand, to Mikasa it almost looked real, as though Annie were prepping a real part of her body to push inside of her. As though Mikasa had made her hard. 

She whimpered when Annie tugged at it a few times. “Why can’t you just be a boy…?” She whispered sadly, almost to herself. 

Feeling some of her good mood dampened, Annie took it in stride, crawling back over Mikasa and lining herself up with her entrance, spreading her gently with one hand, and propping herself up with the other. “You need to relax for this,” she said quietly, waiting a moment for Mikasa. 

“Ok.” But nothing could prepare her for the sudden feeling of fullness, and the bodily connection she felt to Annie. She was completely impaled, and felt every small movement Annie made shift her as well. Their hips were pressed together, and she felt the soft skin of Annie’s legs nestled against her own. She croaked out a helpless moan. This was more intimate than she could have imagined, and she felt Annie’s body heat mingling with her own and surrounding her, as the blonde’s hands settled on either side of her, bringing them closer together than before. 

“Does it hurt?” Her voice was so soft...

“No.” When Annie gave a gentle roll of her hips, slipping out a bit before sliding wonderfully back in, Mikasa felt her walls clench desperately at the intrusion, and she heard a needy little sound rip out of her throat. This was better… than she thought it would be. 

After setting up a gentle pace and feeling Mikasa melt underneath her, she reveled in the sighs and cries she was beginning to draw out of her stoic rival. She began to use her hips to grind into the girl’s clit after every few thrusts, and studied Mikasa’s face, curious about how she would look finally at her mercy. Mikasa had seemingly let her guard down, mind having gone numb with pleasure, and Annie smugly noticed something she was sure the brunette would never want her to. “You know… if I was a boy, you wouldn’t be able to stare at my tits.” 

Even being fucked, Mikasa still had enough of her mind intact to be a little embarrassed. But only a little. 

“You wanna touch ‘em?” Annie asked slyly. 

“No…” Mikasa mumbled, groaning as Annie’s hips changed movements, slowing down and pushing more deeply into her. She felt heat pooling in her belly, and spreading out to make her legs tingle, and her nipples tighten. She briefly allowed herself to wonder what touching Annie’s breasts would really be like. The only thing should could imagine was soft. 

“Really? Well I wanna touch yours…” Annie murmured. 

“You do?” Annie nodded. “Well… no. You’re not allowed…” _But god, that would probably feel amazing right now. My nipples... are so stiff. Her hands were so warm… “I’m not…”_

“A flaming dyke?” Mikasa blinked up at her. “Well, I am.” 

Mikasa felt a reluctant admiration for Annie. She looked so strong saying it. She looked so sure of herself… _Because she’s topping you._ Mikasa reminded herself. 

Annie began swiveling her hips in a new way, speeding up and making Mikasa shiver with every thrust. She watched as the taller girl’s eyes were drawn to her hips, and stayed there mesmerized. 

“How do you do that? Move like that?” 

“Practice. Feels good, doesn’t it?” 

“Y-yeah… would… would it be better for you if I moved like that? When I… fuck you?” It would have been hard to ask anyway, but the numbing pleasure crawling up her body made it even near impossible to concentrate on the words. 

“Well, you’re all power. Which is great, cause… I like it to hurt. If you want me to teach you this, I could though. Here, I’ll show you something right now." She sat up a bit, and reached down to cup Mikasa’s hips. 

Mikasa practically moaned from feeling Annie’s hands on her again. _So warm…_

“Here… move like this… against me. Yeah? Just like that. There… doesn’t that feel good?” She settled down onto her hands, loving the eye candy that was Mikasa moving in time with her. 

“Mm-hmm.” Mikasa shuddered. Annie, I think… _ahh…_ I… 

she looked up to see Annie watching her hungrily. Gasping she arched her back, and saw Annie’s eyes flicker to her chest as she licked her lips. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she felt a little good, seeing Annie attracted to her. The thought was mostly blotted out by her orgasm.

Mikasa’s body twitched and jerked against her, and Annie slid her hands under her back, stroking along her spine tenderly as she arched and rubbing her palms along her wing bones as she settled limply back onto the bed. 

She caught her breath, and looked dazedly up at Annie, feeling her muscles relax one by one. She let out a small cry when she felt Annie pump into her a few more times, her pussy sensitized and throbbing. 

Annie slid out, pulling away and flopping down on the bed, unstrapping herself slowly. “You Ok?” 

“Uh-huh.” 

“You tired?” 

“Yeah… did you want me to…?" 

“No, no. It’s Ok. You can make it up to me later.” Annie winked at her. “Besides, it’s getting late. It’s after three.” 

“Damn,” Mikasa said, responding to the mention of the time, but knowing that really… she meant having to get up after being made to feel so good. Having to get up out of that warm bed. Having to get out of Annie’s bed. Having to leave Annie’s company, and walk home alone. She had heard that sex made you kind of clingy, but had never believed it. As she forced herself to sit up, she wondered if it was true. She watched Annie toss the silicone to the side, and stood. Was that all it was? Silicone that had felt so amazing? Slipping into her wet clothes she glanced at Annie, who was watching her passively, as she always did. 

“Goodnight,” the blonde called from her bed. 

“Goodnight,” Mikasa answered, sliding open the window. She wished she could spend the night. But she told herself that just meant that she really needed to clear her head. 

Annie watched her window close, and heard Mikasa’s boots hit the ground. Sighing she felt the pulse between her legs. “Ugh,” she grunted rolling onto her stomach and face planting into her pillow. “Maybe I shouldn’t have let her go without… fucking me…” 

“Oh god, that was… _nrnnkh_ She rolled back again, trying to finger herself. Nothing worked without pain. Nothing worked without someone else hurting her. But god, she was so stiff. It was uncomfortable, and hurt a little to be stuck like that. Sighing she reached over to the strap on, still slick with Mikasa’s cum. Licking it once, she took the head into her mouth, swirling her tongue around it, still trying to rub some sort of pleasure into her clit. _She tastes… good. I should have convinced her to let me eat her. She would have said yes. Good god, the look on her face._ Groaning miserably she popped the toy out of her mouth, quickly stuffing it inside herself. “Please…” she begged her body. "Be normal for once." 

After thrusting a few times, she found that it was only worsening her condition. Defeated, she dropped the dick to the floor, curling around around a pillow and trying to fall asleep. As she closed her eyes, she was dimly aware that it smelled like Mikasa. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was a long long chapter because for the most part, the characters got away from me, but I absolutely REFUSED to submit an update without any fucking. So I just kept going until they did. 
> 
> This is the first story I'm writing with smut in it, so I'm used to... well, NOT having smut. I hope you all don't mind the non-slutty parts of my writing, because, since that's what I'm used to, more of it will probably be cropping up. 
> 
> On a personal note, I have yet to get back my final grades and am anxious about my score in literary criticism. If you wanna do something nice, give me some fanfiction criticism to distract me! Thank you~ I do read all of your comments, and reread them to keep me going!!


	7. Lighters Burn Bridges

Annie’s boots squished in the grass with every move. She had finished her lunch early, and she, Reiner, and Bertholdt had been the only kids to go outside in the grey drizzling weather. 

Bertholdt sat on their backpacks, watching as Reiner and Annie went toe to toe, sparring with nothing but tape around their knuckles. Cold pricks of rain landed on Annie’s neck, sharp against the heat and sweat of her body. Reiner’s fists flew by her face, creating small gusts of wind. She noticed none of this, however, as she was thoroughly invested in brooding over Mikasa. 

_I’m better than boys_ she assured herself. _Oh please. She wishes I was a boy? ‘Why can’t you just be a boy?’ Yeah, right._ Reiner’s fist came too fast for her to dodge, and she pushed it away from her, gaining a second to side step. _She wishes I was a boy._ The two faced each other, their short breaths visible in the mist. _Why can’t I just be a boy?_

“Hey, where did Reiner and his friends go?” Eren, finished with his food, scanned the cafeteria closely. When he found no sign of the trio, his face lit up. “Can we go watch!?” He hopped up without waiting for an answer, Armin hurrying to follow him. Jean looked at Mikasa sourly, before calling to Eren’s retreating back. “It’s raining!” 

“WHOO! I knew it!” Annie, Reiner, and Bertholdt turned to see Eren cheerfully sprinting to their spot on the field. “You guys don’t mind an audience right?” Bertholdt smiled quietly, and Reiner let out a bellowing laugh. 

“Of course not! Hey guys!” Reiner greeted the rest of the gang as they approached, and laughed when he noticed how preoccupied Jean was with his shoes and pants. “It’ll wash off, man.” 

Out of the corner of her eye, Annie watched Mikasa avoid watching her. _You loved it. I swear you did. _She took up her stance again, giving Armin and Jean a second to perch on their own backpacks. Eren and Mikasa stayed standing, but the latter still refused to look at Annie. _You like that I’m a girl. I swear you’re gay, Mikasa. You hear me? … I would never tell you though._ She could see discomfort in the girl’s dark eyes, and sense the mild misery that had been hanging around her like a cloud since the incident in gym. __

She pushed forward with her guard up, springing into Reiner’s space. “Woah,” she heard Reiner say, not moving her eyes from his fists. “You guys are in for a rare treat, she’s usually on defense.” 

By the end of the match Eren had stars in his eyes, looking at Annie like she was his hero. Reiner, her best friend, had hit the mud so many times his green shirt had turned brown. He rubbed the back of his neck, looking up at her from where he had last dropped, with no real offense, but with a bit of confusion. 

“Annie! There’s still like twenty minutes left before class. Can you… teach me something?” Eren stepped forward, looking at her as intensely as a child might look at his parents, holding the one toy that he _needed_ them to get for him. 

Annie liked Eren. He had spunk, and he was honest. He would probably be a good sport, too, if he failed a few times. _And I don’t see Mikasa going inside without you._ “Sure.” Eren steeled himself, walking in front of her with trepidation. 

“Than-” 

“Don’t thank me yet. Put your hands up. A little less. Look. Good. Now move your feet.” This was the first time Annie had seen Eren take anything so seriously. As she began to circle, he followed her lead immediately. When they had spun so that Annie was facing Mikasa, she could see the girl’s eyes glued to Eren’s back. To that _boy’s_ back. “Watch this,” she said looking Eren dead in the eye. She moved at him like she had Reiner.” 

Eren didn’t make a single sound once while being pummeled. Annie was actually impressed that he had managed to pick up on a few moves. He seemed to be developing a working understanding of her technique, having obeyed diligently the words ‘watch this.’ Only half of her attention was being paid to him, however. The other half was on Mikasa. She looked a little miffed that Eren was being treated so aggressively. _Too bad._

Annie looked down at the boy who lay on his back in the mud, his ass in the air and a small smile on his face. “Can I thank you now?” 

In surprise, Annie smiled gently down at him. _Well he’s just the perfect student, isn’t he?_ Eren, even more surprised to see Annie smiling, grinned up at her widely. _Alright. He won me over._ “You did better than I thought you would. I felt that, you know, I felt you start to resist. That’s impressive.” 

Eren stood triumphantly. “Good. Now maybe I can get the edge over Mikasa.” He looked over at her happily, trying to include her in his fun. 

Annie barked out a laugh. “You might need more practice.” 

“Would you?” 

“Maybe. And I think you’d better run clean yourself up, or you’re gonna be late.” 

Annie watched as they all left, Eren getting a high five out of Armin, but only sarcastic remarks out of Jean as they hurried in to class. Mikasa never once looked back at her. 

“If I didn’t know you were lezzy I’d say you were showing off for Eren,” Reiner said, sidling up next to her. “But I’ll have to guess it was Mikasa. Think she’d be a worthy opponent in bed, or something?” 

She was trying to glare at Reiner, and even at Bertholdt’s indulging smile, but she couldn’t stop her face from smirking at the joke. “Please, no way she’s better than me. I’ve got crazy skills. She couldn’t top me either.” 

“Oh please. Do you see how much height she has on you? Have you seen her muscles? She does that martial arts stuff, I know, but she has _unreasonable_ muscles.”

“Have you had a lot of disagreements with them?” 

Bertholdt chuckled quietly as they scooped up their bags, shaking the damp and the dirt off of them. 

“Besides, we still come to a draw in like _every_ gym class.” 

“You like this girl?” 

“I don’t like her.” _I need what she gives me, though._

“Ok, but do you think she’s hot?” 

“No, her muscles are too disagreeable.” 

“That's not what I said! And hey, I’m covered in filth cause you went ape shit on me,” He said as they got close to the door. “I’m skipping the rest of the day. You guys in? Bertholdt, are you, or do I gotta walk?” 

“I can’t… I already skipped a class this month. To take off the rest of the day?” 

“Yeah, but not even just math? You aced the last test, didn’t you? You even got the bonus.” Annie said. 

“Ah, it’s Ok. His mom would probably kiss his ass if she found out.” 

Annie looked up at Reiner sharply. 

“Uh. I mean… metaphorically. Sorry.” He looked sheepishly at the ground. “You skipping, Annie?” 

Annie heard his plea for forgiveness, but Mikasa was in their math class, and she was toying with the idea of toying with her. “Nah. I think Imma stay in today.” 

Rather than taking notes, Annie alternated between staring at a blank piece of loose-leaf and the side of Mikasa’s face, a row in front of her. Every few minutes she picked up her pencil, before putting it down with a sigh. What kind of note could she toss? She wasn’t trying to get under her skin today. But she wasn’t liking being ignored, even though since they began their relationship ignoring each other in school had been the norm. Before she knew it, the bell had rung, and Bertholdt stood in front of her, a sympathetic look on his face. “Shove it,” she said, stuffing her things into her bag hastily. 

Annie hadn’t even gotten the chance to send her the ‘show up tonight’ look by the end of the day, and she tossed around fitfully in her bed that night, wondering if Mikasa would come. Eventually hearing footsteps squishing through her soggy yard, she felt a little excitement. She scolded herself for caring this much that Mikasa had shown up, and for taking Mikasa ignoring her all day personally. The self-deprecation did _not_ however stop her from deciding to do something childish. 

Hearing Mikasa scramble up onto the shed, she flung herself out of bed and onto the floor, crouching by the window. A moment later it began to slide open, and she shot up, an inch away from Mikasa’s face. _Boo_ she said in a low voice, watching Mikasa jump back in horror. 

“What the hell?” Mikasa complained, slipping inside. 

“I heard you coming. I can’t sleep, I’m glad you’re here.” 

Mikasa nodded, surveying the room as she began to strip. Uncomfortably, she noticed that simply being there had an effect on her. Annie’s scent, the scent of her room, automatically stirred something inside of her. Pushing it to the back of her mind she flopped down naked in Annie’s bed, and looked over at the blonde still standing in the middle of her room. _When the hell did I get so comfortable doing this?_ She watched patiently as Annie began tossing off her own clothes. 

“So!” Annie crawled onto the other side of the bed, and over to Mikasa. “Am I lucky enough to top you twice?” She swung a leg over Mikasa’s stomach, straddling her abs. Mikasa looked up at her for a few moments, hesitating, and Annie began to slowly swivel her hips, grinding her pussy down against the muscles teasingly. Mikasa breathed in a sharp hiss, and Annie leaned forward over the taller girl teasingly, laughing when Mikasa’s eyes darted down to her breasts. 

“No way.” Mikasa grabbed onto the blonde’s hips and held onto them firmly, hoping she could stop her movements. Instead, Annie pressed her warm hands over Mikasa’s and held them firmly to her, making Mikasa feel the way she ground into her. Mikasa frowned, and moved to glare up at Annie but found her eyes caught on the girl’s breasts again. 

“You wanna touch ‘em?” Annie shot her a winning smile. 

“No.” Annie, still holding her hands captive, tried to move them up to her chest, and Mikasa pried them away. Hooking an arm under Annie’s knee, she flipped the small girl onto her back, hearing the wet sound of Annie’s slickness being separated from her skin. Kneeling next to Annie, she looked down at the arousal smeared across her stomach, and sighed heavily. 

“Let me get that for you,” Annie said, moving so that she could lap up the mess she made, moaning softly into Mikasa as she felt the softness of her skin under her tongue. Unable to help herself she left a few hot kisses against the girls hip, and then, feeling daring, peppered a light trail up to her rib cage before opening her mouth and trying to lick a trail up to her breasts. 

Mikasa ran her fingers through Annie’s hair gently, before grabbing as much as she could in a tight fist and peeling her away. “What has gotten into you?” 

“Well nothing for a while, that might be the problem.” 

Mikasa frowned lightly, settling down on her side, and looking up at Annie. “And maybe you don’t deserve any.” Annie raised her eyebrows, silently calling the bluff. “You were pretty rough with Eren today.” 

“Well, if he’s gonna learn anything from me then that’s how I’m gonna teach him.” 

“Are you really going to teach him?” 

“Maybe.” 

While Mikasa contemplated this, Annie reached out and ran her fingertips along the dip in the taller girl’s waist and up over her ribs, not bothering to try again with her breasts. As her hand began to run back along the same path, she looked down at her bedmate devilishly. “If I remember correctly,” she purred, “ _you_ wanted to learn something from me, didn’t you?” 

Mikasa huffed, and scowled up at the other girl. Now that her head wasn’t fogged from their activities, she felt the sting of embarrassment more clearly. She tried her best not to dwell on her lack of experience… but she _had_ asked to learn. As she lay there trying to parse out a way to accept the offer without it seeming like an acceptance of defeat, she became aware of a sultry and perfectly self-satisfied smile forming on Annie’s lips. “What...?” 

Quietly, Annie crawled back over her, and gripped the backs of her knees, pushing Mikasa’s legs up and parting them. “I didn’t hear a _‘no…”_

“What are you gonna do?” 

“Something fun. And educational. Promise.” She gave a small salute, and ruined it completely with a flirtatious wink. “Now gimme your hand.” Mikasa extended a hand without voicing any of the questions behind her eyes. “Now here.” Annie slid Mikasa’s hand between her own legs. “Spread yourself open, wouldja?” 

Mikasa jerked her hand away. “W-what? Why?” 

“Because I need you to.” She parted the other girl’s folds herself. 

Now it seemed to Mikasa that every time she let Annie touch her she felt even more exposed than the time before. And every time she thought it couldn’t get any worse. She squirmed as she caught Annie staring at her slit. “What?” _I don’t look bad, do I?_

“Nothing. I just like you like this.” 

“Like what?” 

Red seeped into Mikasa’s cheeks as she tried once again in vain to cover herself up.

_Just like that._ Annie thought, admiring Mikasa’s blush. She moved to settle over Mikasa before lowering her hips, lining up their pussies. At the slightest bit of pressure Mikasa shot away, skittering back toward the headboard. 

“What kind of gay shit is this?” she yelped, dismayed. 

“The _best_ kind. Really. It’ll feel good, come back. Just give it a chance.” She reached out and tugged at Mikasa’s hips, slowly coaxing her back into place. “Here…” She settled back down, and felt Mikasa tense immediately. 

“It’s weird…” Mikasa complained weakly, focused intensely on the feel of her clit sliding through Annie’s folds as the other girl began to move over her. 

_Do I trust her?_ she wondered. _Why the hell am I going along with this? But everything’s been good so far… I mean… it hasn’t been bad._

“Just relax…” Annie felt Mikasa’s body responding to her as wetness accumulated between them. 

__

“I can’t imagine you’re a boy this way.” 

__

“Then imagine _you_ are.” 

__

Mikasa flushed again at the suggestion. “If I… If I like this…what does that mean?” 

__

“Hey, I don’t make the rules,” Annie said gently. “I don’t know.” _Lesbian. Lesbian, LESBIAN!_ Annie reached down and stroked along Mikasa’s stomach, watching mesmerized as goose bumps rose in her wake. “Not so bad, is it?” 

__

“No…” 

To her surprise, she found herself beginning to enjoy whatever it was that Annie was doing to her. She bit her lip, fixing her gaze on Annie’s coiling muscles, not knowing what to do with herself. “You said you were going to teach me…” 

Annie chuckled softly. Her eyes had been unfocused and sliding closed, but now she caught the impatient and adorably lost look on Mikasa’s face. “It’s easy,” she purred, gripping Mikasa’s hips tightly, pulling them even closer together. She felt Mikasa’s hardened clit and swiveled her hips, grinding it between them. Mikasa let out the softest, girliest moan Annie had heard her make yet, and she grinned down at the taller girl with a teasing affection, until Mikasa’s long fingers reached up to grab _her_ hips. Instead of the threatening grip she was expecting, Annie found Mikasa’s hands trembling, and barely able to hold onto her at all. Looking down she saw Mikasa’s lip caught roughly between her teeth, and her eyes looking dazed. 

__

Mikasa began to mimic Annie’s movements, trying to fall into rhythm with her, but her thighs kept twitching and she couldn't focus. For the first time in a long time Mikasa found that she didn’t have control over her body. The warm, tingling feeling Annie was pushing into her was spreading all the way through her thighs, making her hips buck and her breath stutter, all without her permission. It was actually a little frightening. She looked up to Annie for reassurance, and quickly realized it was a mistake. Annie’s gaze was dark and hungry, and the light flush across her cheeks was doing nothing to make her look less predatorial. Mikasa felt vulnerable, like the last few layers of herself had been peeled away and Annie’s eyes were boring right through her. She tried to shift into a position that felt somehow less weak, but the motion only slid Annie’s clit to bump the underside of her own, and her muscles gave out again, causing her to whimper and Annie’s eyes to slide closed. 

__

With Annie’s eyes finally shut, Mikasa could bring herself to look at the other girl for a moment without feeling embarrassed. Messy golden hair, lips bitten and rosy, brow furrowed in concentration and pleasure—pleasure coming from _Mikasa._ Suddenly that flush spreading across her cheeks and down her chest made Annie look as small and vulnerable as Mikasa felt, and she wanted to do nothing more than _fuck_ her. Her hands tightened around blonde’s hips, and her body remembered its strength as she sealed their pussies together and ground up into Annie _hard_. The beautiful feeling coursing through Mikasa had managed to burn its way down to her toes and up to her breasts, and at the look of shocked pleasure on Annie’s face as she thrust roughly into her, she finally burst, cumming with a stifled cry. 

__

They caught their breath quietly, silent and still until Annie untangled herself and sat carefully down by Mikasa’s feet. As an afterthought she reached out and swiped a finger along Mikasa’s inner thigh, curious to know how she would taste. 

__

Mikasa looked startled when Annie licked her fingertip, back already to feeling lost and worried. “Doesn’t that taste bad?” 

__

“Not to me,” Annie said evenly. “I like to eat girls. And you actually taste pretty good.” 

__

She didn’t know how many girls Annie may have ‘eaten’, but before she could dwell on it Mikasa felt herself wanting to taste the best. 

__

“And I’m glad I never have to imagine you’re a boy,” Annie went on, eyeing Mikasa carefully for her reaction. 

__

Embarrassed yet again, Mikasa looked away from Annie. “I didn’t...” 

__

Annie laughed softly, and when Mikasa looked at her sharply she did her best to seem nonjudgmental. “So,” she said. “You wanna make sure you’ve got the hang of it?” 

__

Mikasa nodded apprehensively as Annie led her to crawl on top. She wasn’t sure she had paid enough attention while it was happening to her to do a good job. She shook her head, trying to clear it. There was nothing she hated more than being incompetent, and she hated it even more in front of Annie. 

__

“Here. You’re thinking too much.” Annie held her hips and brought them together, rolling up into Mikasa. She was still soaking from before, and swollen from need, unable to get off without taking any damage. 

__

Mikasa rolled back against her, trying to keep her movement fluid and smooth, but that only made it harder to find Annie’s clit. Wordlessly, Annie reached up and took her hands, lifting them up off of her hips. For a moment, Mikasa was about to protest, the gesture seeming too intimate, until she realized Annie was repositioning her so that she was grabbing Annie’s shoulders. She moaned realizing how much leverage she had gained, and began putting more of her weight into it, pushing Annie down into the mattress. 

__

Annie had closed her eyes, and her head had tilted back. Mikasa, finally less nervous, allowed her own eyes to close, and she moved forward, sliding her hands under Annie’s pillow and resting on her elbows above the other girl. The heat between them was stifling, and she dipped her head forward, concentrating on the motion of her hips and Annie panting against her shoulder. 

__

After a while they were both considerably wetter, and Mikasa was finding it hard to keep their pussies together the way she wanted without slipping. She was about to kneel again when Annie let out a frustrated grunt, and Mikasa grimaced, knowing that she wasn’t as good at this as Annie. “Here,” She heard the blonde mutter, and paused as the girl leaned over to dig through her nightstand. 

__

What Annie came back with, held loosely in the palm of her hand, was a lighter. Mikasa stared at it, dark and hard against Annie’s soft white skin, and before she could fully comprehend why, she felt her stomach sinking and a faint nausea spreading through her. “What…?” 

__

Annie was leaning back on her other hand, looking bored and waiting for Mikasa to take it, before she casually slipped it into the taller girl’s hand. 

__

_“What!?_ You want me to _burn_ you? 

__

Annie was now starting to look a little less relaxed, seeing the horrified look on Mikasa’s face. “Well… yeah.” Was it so strange? After the bruises and the punctures and the scrapes? Where exactly was the line? 

__

Annie jumped as Mikasa hurtled the small chunk of plastic into the wall. “No _fucking_ way!” 

__

When she began gathering up her clothes Annie felt a bit of desperation sink in. “Hey, alright, you don’t have to.” She crawled to the edge of her bed and watched Mikasa tug her shirt over her head. “Jeez, just come back, it’s no big deal. I said you didn’t have to, you could just bite me if you want.” 

__

Mikasa grabbed her panties and stood, looking back at Annie darkly. How the hell had it come to this? _I could ‘just bite her?’_ It was so sick. How had she sunk so far into this that she stopped seeing it anymore? How had she let Annie make her sick too? _What the fuck made me trust this girl?_ She pulled on the rest of her clothes roughly. _That scruffy gold hair. Those rosy fucking lips, and those warm hands, and those warm goddamned thighs._ “I am _nothing_ like you. I am _nothing. like. you._ Do you understand!?” 

__

Mikasa turned her back before Annie could answer, but in the reflection of the window she caught sight of her anyway, dumbstruck, silent, wide eyed. “You’re fucking disgusting,” she muttered just loud enough to be heard before she jumped down and dropped out of sight. 

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO SORRY that took so long. I don't intend to abandon this, and I never did! I've just been working on another story on another site. It's easier for me to write that one, but from now on I'm going to try and balance them both!!


	8. When One Door Opens

Night terrors again. For the first time they had been filled with fire. Whenever Mikasa managed to pass out she woke again only minutes later, short of breath and feeling like she was being burnt up. Finally she gave up, staring at the ceiling until there was sunlight in her room and she could smell coffee and toast from downstairs. She turned off her alarm before it had a chance to ring, and moved slowly, trying to talk herself into believing she could get through the day. 

_Don’t talk to Annie._ She ripped the knots out of her hair with her brush. 

_Don’t even look at her._ She pushed her books in her bag and pulled her clothes out of the closet. 

_Don’t bother paying attention in class today. Get your notes from Armin later. You’re too tired. Don’t push it._ She headed out into the hall. Eren’s door was already open, and his voice drifted up from down stairs. 

_You don’t even have to talk to anyone but Eren today, if you don’t want._ Her footsteps were light on the stairs. She heard pancake batter hit the pan. 

_You aren’t sick. Just don’t think of her. You’ll go back to normal eventually._ She walked toward the kitchen, seeing smile’s on everyone’s face while Eren talked. 

_He brightens up everyone’s day. And how would they feel if they knew about me? If they knew what they brought into this house?_ She grabbed a plate. The toast was already on the table, and she buttered it slowly. She hadn’t pulled herself together enough to smile at anyone yet. 

_Just wait it out. It will all be in the past, if you can just wait it out long enough. If you just don’t even think about her…_

“Good morning, sweetie.” Carla passed behind her, sliding a pancake onto her plate. She smiled back, truly grateful every time she felt their kindness. 

“Yeah, I know him. He’s a year older than us,” Eren said. Mikasa’s focus made it to the conversation. 

“Do you think he’ll be in school today?” He asked his father. 

“Well, that depends on him; It was mostly bruising. Is he dedicated to his studies?” 

Eren laughed. “No, but he likes hanging out with his friends. He’s pretty nice.” 

“Now Eren, I don’t know if you should be hanging out with those types.” 

“Aw, mom, you don’t know these guys. They’re really nice. His friend Annie said she’d teach me how to box.” He went on excitedly, explaining all the moves he had picked up or seen her use. Mikasa felt like she might vomit the one bite of pancake she had eaten right onto her plate. The syrup was suddenly sickly sweet. The toast was too crunchy, the butter was too slimy, the smell of coffee was suffocating and it reeked and she couldn’t escape it. She rested her forehead against the palm of her hand and realized she hadn’t gotten nearly enough sleep to contend with herself today. 

“Mikasa. Are you alright?” What a kind man it was who took her in.

“Yes. Just a rough night.” In the Jäger household that meant nightmares so powerful they could drive Mikasa out of bed, half awake and half hallucinating mixtures of a reality long past and her darkest fears. 

She wasn’t pushed to eat anything more, and Carla took her plate, patting her on the shoulders softly. The rest of breakfast was quiet, and when Jean pulled up in his car, her friends were considerate enough to notice right away that she needed a little space. Eren pulled the attention away from her with jokes, and she was left with room to breathe. 

It wasn’t really Mikasa’s fault, Annie thought, as she threw down the four of spades and glanced yet again down the road. She was lounging in the back of Berthold’s pickup with her boys waiting for the first bell. But really, she was waiting for the cherry red of Jean’s car to come around the corner. 

Two enormous hands flew to the pile, and she lost her chance again, too distracted. When had she become a borderline stalker? “Yeah, so then I thought ‘this might be worse than I thought,’ and I had to walk all the way there,” Reiner said. 

“Was it serious?” Bertholdt asked, shuffling the cards he had won. 

“Nah, I just freaked myself out. Eren’s dad was on call, too. He’s seen me in there a few times, he never calls the cops.” 

_Burning is a weird request. Of course she freaked out._ Jean’s car pulled in and Annie pretended she wasn’t staring, waiting to catch a glimpse of glossy black hair. _Is she done with me for good this time?_ Annie began to see the major flaw in their set of unspoken rules. They didn’t speak, they barely looked at each other, and if they ever interacted it was aggressively competitive. So how would Annie be able to tell if their strange relationship was over? 

She watched as Mikasa trailed behind Eren through the parking lot while he and Armin chattered happily. Jean strode ahead, too old and too cool for whatever dorky nonsense they were absorbed in. Though Annie woke up that morning wondering if her entire life was different, to the outside world everything was the same as always. 

Mikasa disappeared inside, and it irked Annie that she didn’t glance back at her once. Annie couldn’t stop herself from waiting for the other girl to show up, from staring, from torturing herself with questions or from beating herself up with regret. But there was Mikasa, steely as ever. She didn’t need to pay Annie one measly glance. She had all the answers and none of the questions. Looking at Mikasa that way, it seemed like she hadn’t changed at all, and like everything that had happened between them was erased. When the first bell finally rang, Annie opted to stay out in the truck, wanting to be alone. 

She let her irritation boil over. _Mikasa._ Even thinking about her made her tired. She lay down, hidden from view behind the panels of the truck but still able to stare at the sky. _What a stupid, stubborn girl. She’s a coward too. What the hell was she so afraid of, anyway? It’s not like she would have been the one getting burnt._ Annie’s fist flew into the side of the truck, and the metallic reverb surrounded her. 

Annie remembered Mikasa’s face perfectly in the instant before her lighter hit the wall. It was the most emotion she had ever seen her express before. _Not including her cum face._ Annie sneered up at the clouds. Maybe she still had one up on her rival. But it was odd, now that Annie thought about it. Mikasa never showed any emotion; at least at school. She never spoke about her personal thoughts, feelings. She never really spoke about anything. Annie wondered if anyone really even knew her. What the fuck was her deal? She had everyone’s attention when she first showed up, and after that she turned into wallpaper. 

Annie thought back to Mikasa’s first day at their school, when Eren had announced that she was his sister. Being in the fifth grade, Annie and everyone else had suspected something was amiss, knowing full well that when you got a new sibling they didn’t show up at school already the same age as you. 

Armin, already his little sidekick, had been very supportive, and tried in vain to explain the adoption process to the hoard of nine and ten year olds who weren’t having it. _That doesn’t make her your_ real _sister. My sister is a_ real _sister. You don’t have the same blood. You don’t have the same parents. They can’t love her as much as you._

Eren had dragged Mikasa around the entire day like she was a puppy, showing her off to all the other kids, proud to have a sister in the way that children are proud of everything new. His optimism had started to wane though, the more everyone told him he was wrong. To Annie’s surprise, wispy, quiet Mikasa sucker punched the nearest kid when Eren began to show signs of crying. And that was that. 

To leave an impression like that, you become a part of the culture. And Mikasa became a part of their culture that day. Months later they graduated, and in September Mikasa entered middle school with the rest of them. But giving someone a bloody nose on the first day wasn’t what kept the gossip wheel turning. Despite the fact that she immediately sunk into the background, her story was on the tip of the school’s tongue for years. 

They were all so young, they were mostly shielded from the truth. But anyone with an older sibling or a loose lipped parent got at least a few shards of the real story. Kidnapping. Murder. Soon after followed science experiment, insanity, even a government plot. Even rape. Which versions of the story were true? Which parts? None of them ever really knew, but everyone had adopted their favorite version of where Mikasa came from. One thing was known as a fact however, and that was that Mikasa had nightmares. 

Eren had let it slip back in the fifth grade, when Mikasa had to go to the nurse’s office to take naps. Everyone got used to the dark circles under her eyes, and she may as well have worn a shirt to school that said “insomnia.” But that was no big deal. That was when they were little. But it had been more than five years, and now when she came in looking haggard it was just sad. Now they were older. Now they understood. Eren’s shadow was traumatized, and because of that the rumors got even more detailed. More vivid, more horrific. Annie didn’t hang around gossipy kids but even she had caught an earful of some bone chilling ideas. Teenagers were sick. 

The second bell rang, and Annie debated staying where she was. But the sun was getting hot and the truck lost some of its charm when it wasn’t filled with her friends. She milled into the building, heading toward chem. Reiner had gotten held back, and Annie had the delight of having him for a lab partner. Of course, Mikasa was in there too. She paused outside the door. Maybe she didn’t want to go in there. Maybe she didn’t want to feel Mikasa’s avoidance. Or hate. But maybe she wanted Mikasa to feel her. To see her in class and be forced to acknowledge that Annie was completely ok. She didn’t need Mikasa. She wanted her to know that. 

The lecture stopped as she walked in. A substitute? Fantastic. She finally had all of her teachers broken in and now she had to deal with some new douche, who would apparently stop speaking and sacrifice time dedicated her classmate’s _precious learning experience_ just to stare at her. 

“And you are?” The class turned around to look at her. All of them except Mikasa. 

“Annie Leonhardt.” She took her seat next to Reiner, dropping her bag and not bothering with a notebook.

“Ah, yes. _Anette_.” And a check on the clipboard. 

_Fucking seriously?_

“And where were you?” 

“Outside.” 

“Running late today? You know timing is very important in chemistry. Are you sure you’re prepared for today’s lab?” 

“I wasn’t late. I was just outside.” That got a chuckle out of the class. Out of the corner of her eye she could see Eren grinning at her. Mikasa still hadn’t turned around. _God I hate her._

The lecture continued after that, the teacher no longer sure what to do with Annie after she had gotten a laugh. Instead of doodling with Reiner, she went back to staring at Mikasa. A little part of her always wondered what her real story was. In fact, she wondered if Eren’s rumored role in the story was true as well. 

She turned her eyes over to him. Apparently that B student had shanked Mikasa’s kidnappers, and single handedly rescued her. No way. Right? 

He must have felt her eyes on him, because he turned around then and smiled at her. With the most expressionless face she could muster, she winked at him. He could barely stifle his laughter. That kid didn’t stab anybody. He didn’t kill anyone. 

Well it was no wonder Reiner got held back. Annie watched as absolutely nothing happened in their beaker. “You suck at this.” 

“Oh, really? I wasn’t sure after I failed. This blows.” He hoisted himself up onto the lab table, and pushed his notes to the side, preferring to chat while Annie took over. “So you gonna come out tonight? I hear it’s gonna be a pretty good crowd.” 

“Yeah, sure. Are you going in, though? You’re still all bruised.” 

“Nah. Dr. Jäger looked like he’s getting sick of seeing kids showing up like we do. He might bust whoever goes in next.” 

“What about what?” Eren popped up next to Reiner. “I heard about you in the ER. What happened?” 

“It’s top secret.” 

_Yeah, now he’ll never wanna know._ “He was in a fight, Eren. Took a kidney punch.” 

“Fight with who?” Eren sat down at their table, completely shirking his lab partner duties. Armin sat at the next table over, diligently measuring something. It was obvious he was hanging on every word. 

“No idea. Some big guy from the next town over.” 

“Why did you fight someone you don’t even know?” 

“Hah! Because that’s what you do.” 

_You are on thin fucking ice, boy._ Was Mikasa hearing any of this? She was the next table down from Armin… it was too hard to tell. 

“Do for what?” 

“Uhh…” Reiner was beginning to realize his mistake. Telling someone about it was one thing, but telling someone who might want to join in was different. 

There wasn’t really a way out of this. Besides, sometimes telling the truth was fun. “For fight club,” Annie said. 

“That’s a movie.” 

_Astute._ “It’s also an activity. But don’t spread it around, we don’t want everyone showing up, ok?” Looking up, only Armin seemed to be paying attention. And something told her he wasn’t about to crash any kind of brawl. Eren though. He looked like he had found Christmas. 

“Are the kids who fight any good?” 

“They’re a lot better than you.” Annie said without looking up. “You can see for yourself if you want.” 

Mikasa had of course heard every word, and that night she was kept up by Annie in a whole new way. Mikasa was furious that the blonde had the nerve to become a bad influence on her brother. She turned off her lights, and waited as she had countless times before until she was sure she could sneak out. The irony wasn’t lost on her. 

At a quarter to midnight, she hit the ground and looked up into Eren’s window. Seeing nothing, she walked further away and sat behind the trashcans at the mouth of the driveway. Sure enough, within minutes there was a far less graceful thump and footsteps cutting across the grass. She stood when they got close, and Eren jumped in surprise. “I’m going with you,” she said. 

Fight Club was indeed real, and apparently it was in the movie theatre parking lot in the center of town. Small groups of kids could be seen approaching on the roads and between the buildings from all directions. The bulk of the crowd was already there though, grouped around the cars they had driven in. Mikasa walked behind Eren, taking it in. In all it was about sixty people, including the walkers still coming up. They were mostly high school and college aged kids, some pulling beer out of popped trunks, some toking, most settling down to sit on the roofs and hoods of their cars for a good view. 

“Hey!” Eren waved, speeding up as he found the delinquent trio, ever in the hatch of Bertholdt’s pickup. They had thrown blankets down, and actually looked quite comfortable facing where Mikasa assumed the fighting would be. 

Reiner and Bertholdt smiled at them, and shifted to offer them seats inside. Mikasa refused to look at Annie, but she had the feeling the girl was staring at her. _Fuck._ When it was obvious things were going to get crowded, Reiner hopped up to sit on the roof, his legs hanging by Bertholdt’s shoulders. Eren sat eagerly on the hatch, as close to the action as he could get, leaving Annie and Mikasa in the middle, almost across from each other. _She’s definitely staring at me._

“You guys want some?” Bertholdt opened up a cooler. 

“What is it?” Eren asked. 

“Ah, just soda,” Reiner said. “If we’re gonna get in trouble it’s only gonna be for _one /em > thing, you know?” _

“I’ll take one.” Eren’s hand shot up and caught a bottle. “So what happens now?” 

“Someone starts it off.” 

“How?” 

“Like that guy.” Reiner pointed over to a dirty looking teen now in the middle of the lot, pacing in a circle. 

It seemed like everyone’s attention was pulled to that kid except Annie’s. Mikasa watched as another boy stood, pulling off his tank top and making his way into the borderless ring. But really she was paying attention to Annie. _Is she mad at me? Did I hurt her feelings? Would she tell everyone about us just to punish me?_ The first boy who stood took a nasty hit and fell limply on the ground. The crowd was obviously trying to stay quiet to keep from getting caught. _Does she want to fight me or something?_ Mikasa tried to solve the riddle without looking back at Annie. She was afraid that if she looked she might find those eyes staring back at her in that demanding, and in that pleading way that had pulled Mikasa through town in the dark on countless nights. 

The winner remained in the ring, and everyone’s attention turned to a small girl as she stepped up. “Is that Hitch?” Eren asked, startled to see another familiar face. 

“Yeah, she’s on the boxing team with me.” 

It was silly really, that Annie’s voice came as a surprise to Mikasa. There was no reason for her _not_ to be talking. But here Mikasa was, out late when she wanted to be sleeping, watching fights she had no interest in, trying to figure out a way to keep Eren out of trouble, and completely trapped by Annie’s intense stare. She was surrounded by people having a good time, and she was too uncomfortable to speak. A part of her just assumed that Annie must be feeling the same way. But she sounded as relaxed as ever. 

Reiner’s big hands clapped together a few times as Hitch and her her opponent circled each other. “Come on, Hitch!” She waved at him a little, before swinging a few experimental hits. 

Annie was dying inside. Even though they usually never spoke, in a situation like this Mikasa would still have at least glanced at her. Under normal circumstances, that was. If Mikasa wanted to put the whole thing behind her, then fine. But it wasn’t fine. Because it wasn’t fair that Annie still couldn’t figure out how to do that herself, and was in fact compelled to stare at the taller girl as much as she possibly could. She wanted her attention. She wanted some sort of acknowledgement, because it was starting to occur to her that even though burning was a weird request, it wasn’t fine at all that Mikasa wanted to shun her. And it couldn’t really _be_ behind them if they couldn’t go all the way back to normal. 

Hitch made a misstep, and it cost her the side of her face. Down she went, but it had been a good match. Reiner clapped a few more times, saying “Not bad, Hitch.” 

Her opponent jogged to the side to get some water, carelessly flipping Reiner off as he did. “If you wanna see me down, why don’t you come put me down, faggot?” 

“The fuck are you talking about, I don’t give a shit whether you’re up or down or far the fuck away.” Reiner actually looked a little surprised to be getting hassled. His hands went to the bruising on his side, as if asking his body if it would fight for him. 

“Yeah, yeah. Why don’t you stop getting little girls to fight for you?” 

Reiner moved to stand, but Annie beat him to it. “Why don’t I _keep_ getting little girls to fight for me?” Reiner asked, smiling. Everyone watched as Annie moved away from Mikasa and out the truck. 

Spitefully, Annie hurled herself into combat, wanting both to force Mikasa’s attention onto her and to clear her head of the other girl. 

A few whoops came out of the crowd as Annie jogged in. They seemed to recognize her, and as the fight began scattered cheers and applause rang out. Mikasa couldn’t tear her eyes away. As much as she wanted to ignore Annie, she wished she knew what was on the blonde’s mind. 

Annie was on point. Not one step out of line, not one movement any broader than it needed to be. Mikasa became absorbed in the spectacle. She had been too distracted before to realize that the boy in the middle of the lot was more of a young man. He was built like a truck and it was obvious that he had more than a few years on everyone else. 

Annie was numb to the bludgeoning her forearms were taking. It actually began to feel good—though not in the pleasurable way it felt when Mikasa struck her. Instead it felt wonderful because despite the purpling bruises and the sick sound of knuckles slamming into her, she felt close to nothing. It made her feel invincible. It was reassuring, in a way, and she felt a savagery boil up inside her without the fear of pain to temper it down. 

“Oh, she was too slow on that one!” a commentary began somewhere between the parked cars. Mikasa grit her teeth as Annie slowly began to lose her form and take some hard hits. 

“I think she’s getting tired.” Annie swung an uppercut, successfully knocking her opponent back a few steps. He rolled with it beautifully, and didn’t take nearly enough damage. 

“Are you kidding? She looks like she’s _too_ energized.” Mikasa bit her lip as the boy came back swinging, forcing Annie backward in the direction of the truck.” 

“Uh-oh. Uh-oh! She’s losing it!” Annie stumbled and covered it up with offense, swinging a hook and trying to regain her space. It didn’t work. He rolled with that hit as well, plowing his fist right past her defense and into her face. 

“Ah, I think she lost a tooth on that one!”

Two teeth hit the ground. The boy stumbled backward and fell to his knees. His hand wrapped tightly around his mouth, and futilely tried to stop the flow of blood. Towering between his crumpled form and Annie stood Mikasa. 

She looked silently at the blood pooling on the pavement, wondering how exactly she had gotten there. She was faintly aware of the shocked cheers surrounding her. Apparently they didn’t care so much about honor, so long as they got a good show. How exactly had Annie taken it? She turned to find the smaller girl wiping blood off her lower lip. 

“It’s just split. It’s not even that bad; I didn’t need you.” 

Mikasa followed quietly as Annie moved back to the truck. She hadn’t planned on stepping in, and thus had no expectations, but it was still a little disappointing to be treated so coldly. Maybe it would have been better to have gotten Annie’s ‘come fuck me’ eyes after all. 

“What was that all about?” Eren asked her as she settled back down, absentmindedly returning Reiner and Bertholdt’s fist bumps. “I didn’t think you wanted either of us to fight.” 

“I don’t,” Mikasa said. “I was worried.” She looked to Annie, wondering if this could count as a subtle apology and trying to gauge her reaction. It wasn’t hard. 

“You don’t need to be worried, I have a lot more experience with this than you.” 

_Ouch._

“Woah, Annie,” Reiner said. “Don’t be so grouchy, you’ll get him next time.” 

A quick siren went off in the far corner of the lot as a cop car pulled in. Without turning to look at it Reiner dropped off the roof and Bertholdt leapt over the side, both landing on the pavement and scrambling to get into the cab. Annie lurched forward and pulled Eren in, grabbing a blanket as the truck began to pull out. Mikasa watched as kids scattered on foot and the parked cars peeled away as fast as they could, before Annie’s hand wrapped around the back of her neck and pulled her to lie down. The blanket covered the three of them, and Annie hissed to be quiet and not to move. 

The truck pulled out slowly through the least crowded of the several exits, as Bertholdt cleverly followed every traffic rule. Tires screeched a few streets down as the cops went after everyone else instead. 

“Well played,” Mikasa muttered. “But if Eren gets in trouble tonight the cops are gonna be coming after me. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Annie said, and Mikasa huffed as the blonde turned her attention to Eren instead, and discussed the matches they had seen. 

After a few minutes Annie threw the blanket off, and they sat up, looking around to find that they were already back in one of the residential areas. They watched the houses float by quietly, and Mikasa was struck by the notion that she should be headed towards Annie’s house at this hour. Or already there, undressed, pushing her down by her sweaty shoulders… Mikasa scowled at the unlit houses, refusing to look at either of her traveling companions. Did she really deserve this? Throwing things was a bit immature, sure, but did she really have to be treated so icily for refusing to push a lighter into someone’s silky skin? _Fuck. So much for not thinking about her. Naked._ Did she _really_ deserve this? 

The truck came to a stop and Reiner hopped out, saluting them as though they had all completed a mission. 

“Who wants shotgun?” Annie asked. 

“Eren.” Maybe her answer was a bit too quick. “Sitting back here isn’t even legal, is it?” 

With a sigh her brother scooted away, leaving Mikasa alone again with her severe feelings of frustration and discomfort, and the knowledge that on a normal night she would have something buried to the hilt inside of Annie right now. But instead they were in the back of a truck. This wasn’t fair. What had Mikasa really done, aside from save them both some scarring? 

“Why are you so grumpy, did I step in before you could climax?” 

Annie snorted. “If I wanted to cum, I could have just gone over to my ex’s.” 

Mikasa was baffled. Annie didn’t mean _her_ did she? Of course not they were never officially anything. Not even friends. When the hell did Annie date anyone? No one was _out_ at their school. “Who the fuck is that?” Mikasa could neither stop the words from tumbling out of her mouth nor censor her agitation. 

Annie almost looked happy about something. “You know Ymir?” 

Ymir? Who the fuck was Ymir? Who had a name… “The one who buys alcohol for minors!?” 

“Yeah, how do you think I met her?” 

“Isn’t she in _college_?” 

“No, she dropped out. She’d probably be an upperclassman by now though.” 

“That’s statutory _rape_.” 

“Right, I’ll just abide the law.” She swung a leg over the side of the truck as it slowed down, and hopped out before it could stop. 

Mikasa watched as she waved merrily at Bertholdt, and said goodnight to Eren with a smile on her face. As the truck started up again she turned to see the boys laughing with each other through the glass, and as she was surrounded by the blank and lifeless houses, she felt completely alone. She lay down and looked up at the stars, knowing full well she was supposed to be watching Annie writhe against the sheets instead. 

Before Annie could crawl all the way through her window, a hand wrapped itself in her hair and pulled her forward. Unable to turn her head she looked in front of her to the gaping hole of the doorway, and the mangled limbs of a wooden chair. 

She was pulled back off her feet and slammed into the wall behind her, her father leaning down and plunging her into the smell of whiskey. “Did you know you were at risk of flunking out? Because I didn’t.” 

Just as her toes managed to reach the ground his second hand grabbed her by the collar and she was shaken forcefully, the back of her head smacking into the wall repeatedly. 

And then she was dropped. Her back landed hard against the wall as she caught herself, and her father paced in front of her. “I’ll pass,” she said meekly. 

He came back, nose to nose with her, screaming in her face. “You little fuck! How the hell do you think you’re ever gonna get out of this house, huh!? No one’s gonna want you when you fail, and you and your shitty grades are gonna have to whore out on the street!” 

“I’ll pass, I’ll go to a community college…” 

She was yanked forward before her whole body was slammed back into the wall again. She coughed and sputtered as all of the breath was knocked out of her, and she allowed herself to be thrown limply to the ground in the middle of the floor. 

“Get used to being down there.” She took a final kick to the ribs. Her eyes watered as she struggled to breathe. 

An hour went by after the last smashed bottle downstairs, and it seemed safe enough. With what energy she had left she made her way through town, clutching at the sharp pain in her chest. Who needed sleep? With her room open she couldn’t have gotten any anyway. 

She finally wound up on the poorest street in town. An old brick apartment complex stood without a doorman and she let herself in, wandering down a hall past identical burgundy doors before finally tapping against one lightly. After what sounded like a million clicks, sour eyes greeted her from above the chain keeping the door ajar. 

“Hey, what the hell are _you_ doing here? God, you ok?” Ymir closed the door before Annie could even answer, and she waited patiently through the sound of scraping metal as the chain was released. 

“Did you know I might flunk out?” She said dully, stepping into the messy living room. “Because my father didn’t.” 

“Damnit, Annie.” Ymir wrapped her arms around her from behind, giving her a gentle hug. “Wasn’t that the one thing I told you not to do? You’re gonna end up worse off than me.” 

Annie leaned back into the comforting embrace. It had been a long time since she had been held, and Ymir’s scent was bringing her back to a few fond memories. 

“I’m a little surprised to see you here.” She stepped away from Annie, flopping down on couch and muting her television. 

“Well my dad finally got in, and… I was thinking about you.” She perched on the couch at Ymir’s feet, watching the light of the television flash across her face in the dim room. 

”What exactly… were you thinking about?” 

“How much my life sucks.” Ymir looked at her regretfully. “How… I used to think I could never be with anyone. And how you proved me right. But it worked for a little while, didn’t it?” 

“Yeah, for a little while.” 

“Sorry to just turn up out of the blue like this. But everything’s going wrong… I don’t know why I came to you, really. I was just… thinking about you.” 

“Its ok, Annie.” She sat up to pull the smaller girl into her side. “I care about you, believe it or not.” 

“I do. I just don’t know what I’m looking for.” 

“Just as long as you’re not asking me for sex,” Ymir laughed a little, but sobered up when she saw the guilty look on Annie’s face. “Annie…” 

“It would really… help me out right now.” 

“Annie, you know I can’t.” 

“Ymir, _please_. I’m not gonna get you into trouble or anything.” 

“You know damn well I’m not worried about that.” She planted a heavy kiss on the crown of Annie’s head. “I just don’t have it in me to… do what you want. You’ve gotta find a girl who’ll do that sort of thing.” 

Before Annie knew it was coming she was crying her eyes out on Ymir’s couch. “I _did_!” 

“What happened?” 

“I messed up.” She buried her face in the sleeve of her hoodie, curling up and leaning into Ymir. “I pushed her too far. But it isn’t fair!” Annie sobbed. “She doesn’t even like me, she shouldn’t be pussing out like that.” 

“What do you mean she doesn’t like you?” Ymir tried to uncurl Annie to get a look at her face. “You’re just using each other for sex? You’re too young for bullshit like that, Annie. You can do better.” 

“No I can’t . You know better than that, Ymir. With the way I am, frankly it was a miracle I found someone to touch me at all.” She huffed and burrowed further into the darker girl’s side. She felt fingers gently twine themselves in her hair, and she wiped the tears out of her eyes, trying to calm herself down. 

“Before I met you…” Annie said. “I had sex with her. It was my first time, and… I don’t know.” 

“Is she… important to you?” 

Annie flushed hotly. “Well I need her… for the sex.” 

“Yeah, ok. Well is she cute?” 

“Tch. She… she…” 

“Alright, you don’t have to say it. Especially if she’s… not coming back? What did you do to freak her out?” 

“Uhm… do you really wanna know?” 

“Yeah, I guess not.” She ruffled Annie’s hair playfully. “Maybe your timing was off. How long have you two been doin’ it?” 

“Like… fiveish months?” 

There was a pause while Ymir did the math. “ _Hey!_ ” 

“Hey’ yourself, we weren’t exclusive. Besides, I didn’t go back to her again until after you and I started having sex.” 

“That’s supposed to mend my pride how?” 

“It’s not, I went back to her because you left me hanging every time.” She smiled up at Ymir’s indignation. 

“It was your fault for not telling me.” She reached down and pinched at Annie’s cheek. 

“Yeah? Well what happened when I did tell you?” Annie crawled into Ymir’s lap, and straddled her. “Are you sure you can’t do it? You still think I’m cute, don’t you?” 

Ymir ran her hands along the tops of Annie’s thighs. “You _are_ cute. And I’m sorry, I just can’t.” 

“I know. No one can, I guess. But it was still nice with you, being close to someone like that. Even just hanging out.”

A patch of Annie’s cheek had turned red where Ymir had pinched it, and she leaned forward to kiss the spot. “This girl was willing to be with you for a while, right? Maybe you’ve just got to tempt her back.” 

“You got any ideas? Despite what she’s done with me, I think she’s a prude.” 

“Well. I don’t have much experience with good girls, but maybe we can come up with something.” 

“Oh, yeah? Like what?” 

“Well there’s always the three classic options. You could try pretending you don’t want her.” 

“She already doesn’t want me.” 

“You could try kissing her.” Ymir went on, undeterred. 

“Uh. No. Something else.” 

“You could tempt her with the sex she _wants_ to be having. Just because she’s afraid to do whatever you asked doesn’t mean she’s not still a hormonal teenager.” 

“I guess, but I don’t know how I’d get her alone.” 

“Well, I’ll leave that part up to you. And I’ll also leave you this couch. But you have to go to school in the morning, got it?” 

“But I don’t want to see her…” 

“Well that’s no way to get her alone, is it?” 

Annie settled down pensively, eyelids already heavy. 

Across town, Mikasa was already embroiled in an unearthly world of bloody knives and roped wrists, corpses, screams, little plastic lighters, and silky skin. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A chapter without sex!


	9. Truth Might Out

“Are you gonna be _this_ disappointing during the race!?” 

Eren panted out a few hysterical laughs. He was being pelted by the sun and his back was drenched in sweat, and really, this was it. Jean was insane. “Yes!” He puffed out. “Because I’ll be a corpse!” As he approached the bleachers, he saw Reiner and Bertholdt sitting comfortably in the shade underneath them. Oh man. Sitting was awesome. 

“You’re a corpse _now_ slacker!” 

“Slacker!? You’re not even running!” Eren turned swiftly to glare at Jean, who was trotting around on the football field yelling at the rest of the runners on the track. 

“That’s because I’ve already proven myself to be an asset to this team, sophty!” 

“You were a sophty last _year_!” He screeched. If he was going to pass out it was going to be venting his rage. 

“I’m a Junior now and I’m your capt-” 

“No! My ankle!” Jean’s attention was drawn away as Connie rolled around on the track pitifully, his leg in the air. 

When Jean stooped to grab the first aid kit Connie flashed a thumbs up. _Now that’s teamwork._ Eren doubled back, nearly snapping his own ankle, and dove for the sanctuary under the bleachers. 

“Hi,” he said as Reiner and Bertholdt were cut off from their conversation, and looked down at him in surprise. 

“Hey there,” Reiner said, unaware of both the terrible running conditions and Jean’s mania.” 

“I just… I had to hide.” The other boys’ attention was drawn onto the field, and they smiled sympathetically. 

“We can shelter you,” Reiner said, before he shot Bertholdt an unreadable look. “While you’re here, can I ask you something? We were just talking about it…” 

Fanning himself with his shirt, Eren nodded, unsure what to make of the serious look on Reiner’s face. 

“When we all hang out… does Mikasa seem weird to you?” 

“Mikasa? What do you mean? Does she seem weird to _you_?” 

“Well, we don’t know,” Reiner glanced at Bertholdt and the two shook their heads. “But we know _Annie_ acts weird. When Mikasa’s around. I thought I knew what was wrong with her, but now I’m not so sure; she just gets really aggressive when your sister’s around. Did something happen?” 

“No. Mikasa would have told me if something had…” The boys looked up at the sound of footsteps. 

“Eren, aren’t you supposed to be running?” Sasha asked. 

“Yeah… aren’t you supposed to be wrestling?” 

“No, I can practice with track today. Since Mikasa quit the team, coach said wrestling might be cancelled altogether; not many people." 

“She quit?” Maybe there was something going on with Mikasa. But they had always told each other everything. 

Sasha grabbed Eren by the arm when Jean finally spotted them, and dragged him back out. He ran the rest of the meet with his thoughts clouded in doubt. Mikasa had never kept a secret from him. At least he had never kept one from her. But the more he thought about it the more he realized how distant they had become lately. 

Quitting the team meant something serious. She wasn’t a quitter. She wasn’t lazy. Something had happened. And this wasn’t the first time she had surprised him. Sneaking out at night, having loveless sex, knocking someone’s teeth out? Something was wrong with his sister, and as he realized he had no idea what it was, a sense of loneliness crept into him. 

Annie looked up at the coach, not sure she understood. “Be straight with me. Is wrestling cancelled for good, or not?” 

“Well, maybe. Without Mikasa we’re down to five people. It’s probably not enough to keep any funding from the school; we barely just got by with six.” 

“But what do you mean without Mikasa, what’s wrong with her?” 

“Don’t know. She’s in there clearing out her locker right now. But I would worry less about her and more about yourself. Without the extra credit I’ve been giving you for being on the team, you don’t have much of a shot passing PE. 

Annie leaned against the wall, watching as the coach scooped up his binders and left, and she remained there as the custodian came in minutes later and began mopping up the floor. She stood there even after he was done, and had wheeled his cart away. How long did it take to clear out a locker? Maybe Mikasa knew Annie was waiting for her, staring blankly at the floor. Which had no wrestling mats on it. Fuck this. 

She shoved the locker room open and stalked to the back, getting angrier with every empty bench she passed. When she rounded the final row Mikasa had heard the noise, and was already looking at her. 

“Get back on the team.” 

“Excuse me?” Of all the things Mikasa had been expecting that day, this wasn’t it. She had quit with the intention of avoiding Annie, but here she was, once again making Mikasa feel foolish for expecting her to be just as timid as she was. 

“I’m not going to fail gym because of you, so whatever your issue is just suck it up ‘til the end of the year.” 

“It’s not my fault if you fail.” Mikasa tried to side step her, still avoiding eye contact as much as she could. Annie blocked her path. 

Annie thought of her father in the dark. Flashes of his hands in the streetlight’s glow, of the hollow sound in the wall when her skull struck it, of herself, years from now, living a dead end like Ymir. Her voice quivered when she spoke. “You owe me.” 

Mikasa heard the murmur of Annie’s voice, but the girls head was ducked and she couldn’t make out the words. “What?” She bent down, more curious now about the sudden display of emotion than desperate to hide. 

“I said you _owe_ me,” Annie spat. 

The bell rang out through the school, signaling the last line of busses was leaving. The teachers were locking up and the building was being deserted. Jean was making his team run home, and Mikasa was going to be left behind. They stood avoiding one another’s gaze, trying to feel out the weight of Annie’s words. 

“It isn’t fair,” she whispered, before finding her voice. “It isn’t _fair_ for you to…” How could she say it? Everything that had happened between them had been consensual. She had never complained. According to Mikasa she had begged for it. “It isn’t fair for you to… use me like some experiment.” 

Mikasa swallowed thickly. A chill ran through her and she felt dizzy, trying to arrange herself. It was an unspoken rule; they weren’t supposed to talk about it like this. And Mikasa? She wasn’t even supposed to think about it. 

“Just get back on the team.” Annie grit her teeth, and balled her fists at her side. 

Mikasa couldn’t. She didn’t have it in her anymore to roll around on the ground with Annie, let alone be in the same room as her. It was over. She had finally woken up, and seen the truth of what had been going on. Of what she had been doing… “No.” She couldn’t. 

Annie swung so fast she couldn’t stop her fist from smashing into the lockers when Mikasa dodged. 

“What the hell!” 

“No, you can’t _say_ no!” She swept forward, charging Mikasa with a few swift punches. “Just let me have this!” 

Mikasa dodged them all, terrified not by the threat, but by the certainty she felt that Annie was going to keep talking about it. She glanced around, realizing too late that within the cramped rows of lockers they were in too confined a space. 

“None of those flowery kicks from you today.”

“None from you, either.” Maybe if they could just talk about fighting… maybe if they could just fight. Maybe if Mikasa won. 

“I don’t need them.” 

Mikasa finally had to resort to blocking, feeling for the first time how strong Annie’s hits really were. 

“Let’s fight in the gym, we can go all out, no one’s here.” She took a searing shot to the shoulder. 

“I’m not feeling very indulgent.” She managed to jab Mikasa in the abdomen. “I think I’ve indulged you enough, haven’t I?” 

Mikasa ducked, darting behind another row of lockers. 

“I let you use me,” Annie said, back on her in a second. 

All Mikasa could do was retreat. 

“I let you _fuck_ me. 

“You wanted me to…” She blocked again, feeling her forearm swell immediately. 

“I let you claw me up. Bite, punch, bruise—” 

“Shut up.” 

"I let you throw me around like a ragdoll. Whatever position _you_ wanted.” 

“Shut _up_!” 

“Let you rip my hair out, I let you make me bleed. 

_"Shut up!"_

“You took my body…” 

_"No."_

“Took my _virginity—!_ ” Mikasa’s fist dented the locker an inch away from her head. _That actually could have killed me._

Startled by her own reaction, Mikasa covered it up by moving forward and pressing her forearm into Annie’s neck, pinning her to the lockers and cutting off most of her air. “I did what you wanted me to,” she hissed. 

Annie’s voice wheezed out, “You did what _you_ wanted to too.” 

“What do you want from me?” Mikasa sounded helpless. “Even if I stay on the team, you’re gonna hold this over me, aren’t you?” 

Annie hadn’t thought about it. She stared back at Mikasa, wide eyed and uncertain. 

“Fine. Fine.” Mikasa threw her arms out. “Do what you want.” She leaned against the wall behind her, looking Annie in the eye for the first time in days. “Do what you want. Take what you want. Make it fair.” 

“I can be in control?” Annie moved into Mikasa’s space. 

“You _are_ in control,” Mikasa muttered, looking away when Annie reached down and popped the button on her fly. 

“So, what? This is to make it even?” 

“Yes. Do whatever you have to do, but no more after this. It’s over.” 

Annie didn’t have it in her to hesitate. She slid down Mikasa’s legs, tugging the girl’s pants with her. Mikasa stood while Annie worked at the laces of her boots, and shivered when the blonde leaned up to nuzzle at her through her panties. 

“Sit down,” Annie called when she was finished with her work. She obeyed, and watched as Annie stripped out of everything but her shirt. She crawled between Mikasa’s legs and knelt to unwrap her scarf. “Take those off too,” she glanced between Mikasa’s legs. 

Mikasa complied, slipping off the thin fabric and realizing she actually felt more helpless being made to do it herself. Annie ran her scarf through her fingers, and she looked at her clothes scattered across the floor. Was Annie going to humiliate her somehow? It seemed likely, with how angry she had been. Still, Mikasa didn’t have the energy to resist anymore. Annie had looked… sad. _I hurt her._ Mikasa pressed her forehead into her palm, closing her eyes and trying to will her thoughts into their proper places. When Annie pulled her hand away from her face she didn’t resist, and remained complacent when her hands were pushed to the small of her back and tied loosely together. 

“What are you doing?” She asked softly, still resigned to pay her debt. 

“What I want.” 

Annie’s fingers ghosted over the tops of her thighs, before she gripped the backs of Mikasa’s knees and tucked her legs up, giving Annie a clear view of her slit. “Lovely,” Mikasa heard her whisper. 

Annie slid her thigh forward, brushing up lightly against Mikasa’s folds, wishing Mikasa would look at her instead of craning her neck to stare at the ceiling. Defiantly she straddled Mikasa’s thigh, making a show of grinding into it slowly. 

Mikasa glanced at Annie, taking in the way she bit her lip and the way her eyes became half lidded. And the way her hips rolled against her. She squirmed slightly against the leg Annie still had pressed between her own. 

Annie started undoing the buttons of Mikasa’s shirt, loving the way the other girl tensed underneath her. She had never been allowed to play with Mikasa’s breasts. She pushed the girl’s shirt open, halting the movement of her hips as she took in the rosy bra Mikasa wore. “How cute,” she taunted, running her fingers along the girl’s shoulders, and pushing them under the straps. She leaned forward and brushed her lips along the side of Mikasa’s neck, slowly sliding the straps down her shoulders, and following their trail with hot, possessive kisses. 

“A front clasp? What, were you expecting me?” At Mikasa’s scoff she undid it with a snap and let the fabric fall away as her shirt had. Annie lightly scratched patterns across Mikasa’s stomach, admiring the chill it sent through her, and the way she pretended her nipples hadn’t stiffened, looking anywhere but at Annie, who stared unabashedly at their dusky red color. She dragged one of her nails up to the underside of Mikasa’s breasts, tracing delicately along their shape. 

“It’s only fair,” Annie said, “after the abuse you put these through.” She reached up with her free hand to cup one of her own breasts roughly through her shirt. 

Mikasa winced, hoping Annie wasn’t planning on being as brutal as she had been, but shuddered when Annie slid her palm underneath one, resting its weight in her hand before kneading it gently, rubbing over her nipple. She looked back to the ceiling, trying not to let it get to her. She had always been somewhat aware that her breasts were on the sensitive side. She had kept Annie from touching them for that very reason, nervous and unaware of just how strong her reaction might be to the touch. She never wanted Annie to have that much power over her, but now that she had been eaten out, and impaled, and… she might as well surrender. 

The movement of Annie’s hips picked up again as she kneaded Mikasa with both hands, and moaned at the pure warmth. It didn’t take long before she caught on to the way Mikasa’s jaw was locked and the way her breath came out shaky and forced. Deviously she ground down one last time, slowly and deliberately, moaning into Mikasa’s ear, before she removed herself from her perch on the taller girls thigh and began working her mouth down her neck and chest. If this was going to be their last time, she was gonna do her damndest to make Mikasa regret it. She was going to do whatever it took to be missed. 

When Annie lips dragged too too lightly along her breast, Mikasa was shocked to feel her body arch at the slightest bit into the contact, and the following kiss Annie placed just under her nipple was almost affectionate. The soft pressure of Annie’s lips as they wrapped around the tightening nub was enough to make her hips twitch, but the heated, slippery suction that followed finally broke her, and she shuddered hard, pushing involuntarily back against the blonde’s mouth. Well now she knew. They were _very_ sensitive, and despite her best efforts it was probably obvious. 

Annie’s hand slid along Mikasa’s thigh, and she wasted no time in finding her clit, and gently tweaking it with the pads of her fingers. She dragged her teeth along the flesh trapped in her mouth in answer to the trembling in the other girl’s muscles, which Mikasa was refusing to let respond. She released her nipple with a quiet pop hoping to fluster the other girl, and as she leaned forward she pressed her check into the crook of Mikasa’s neck, sliding two fingers inside, and moaning into her ear. It felt so good to feel Mikasa from the inside. Somehow it made her feel as if she had just the slightest bit more control over their situation. She rolled her hips, and allowed them to propel her into a firm rhythm, beginning to fuck Mikasa in earnest. 

Mikasa’s thoughts began to flicker out one by one, until the only ones she could cling to were _Don’t look at her_ , _Don’t moan_ , and _Don’t cum._ Soon though, she and Annie were panting together, and another thought struck her.

“Aren’t you going to get off too?” 

“No,” Annie said against her neck, before kissing the spot in a way that struck Mikasa as somehow tender, despite the coldness in her voice. But that meant that she was trying to pleasure Mikasa. And nothing else. More than anything that had happened, it was knowing Annie’s desire was to bring her to orgasm that embarrassed her. What kind of revenge was that? She doubled her efforts not to look at Annie, turning her head completely away and trying to hide behind her hair. The soft skin of Annie’s palm cupped her check and pulled her around to look right into hard, icy eyes. It dawned on her. The only way she was going to get out of this was by letting Annie make her cum. 

“Why are you being so stubborn?” Annie hooked her fingers against Mikasa’s spot. 

Annie ground her palm upward, pinning her clit against it and dragging it in slow, hard circles, and Mikasa knew she had to give up. If she was honest with herself, it wasn’t that hard to shut down her mind and just want it. She was so close anyway. But she felt a bit like she had betrayed herself when she threw her head back and began thrusting into Annie’s hand, grunting almost desperately. 

Annie watched Mikasa carefully as she began to tighten slowly around her fingers, knowing the girl was close and determined not to fall out of pace or miss a moment of it. 

Mikasa felt Annie’s fingers run through her hair, brushing it out of her face and away from her neck. They locked eyes, and Mikasa felt herself being pushed rapidly to the brink, the intensity and heat of Annie’s stare making her feel as though she were being read like an open book. _She knows. She knows I’m about to…_ Annie’s fingers stroked down the side of her face, and her eye lids fluttered from the soft touch. _She’s being so gentle… but the look she's giving me… it’s like she's saying ‘ I told you so.’_ A gasp ripped from her throat as the muscles of her back arched away from the wall. The least she could do was refuse to make a sound. She wouldn’t give Annie that, even though she was cumming on her hand, and her muscles were clenching around Annie’s fingers. _She knows I can’t deny it. That it felt good. Is that what she wanted? Her payback… she got in my head one last time._

Annie’s hand came away glistening between them, and she knew she should feel violated, but grudgingly she realized she couldn’t deny the sated feeling in her body. When the blonde spread her two fingers they came apart with a web of arousal between them, and Mikasa scrunched her nose in disgust. She looked away tiredly as Annie started licking her fingers clean. 

It was too much. After everything, Mikasa didn’t have it in her to move, or to even roll her head back to look at Annie. She was going to have to walk home, too. Instead, she idly listened as Annie straightened herself up. 

“You getting up?” After all the fighting, and all the fucking, Annie didn’t actually sound all that angry. Though there was a tightness in her voice Mikasa couldn’t place. 

Mikasa didn’t answer, and chose instead to simply lay there. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Annie take out her phone and wondered if she was going to fall victim to some sort of sexual blackmail. If Annie was going to take a picture. But instead her fingers clicked against the screen, texting. When she was done, she simply sat and stared at Mikasa for a moment. 

After a frustrated sigh, Annie’s hands were on her again. She stiffened at the feel of them, having been certain that what had just happened would be the last close contact she would have with anyone for quite a while. But Annie was pulling her wrists out of the admittedly weak hold they had been in. Annie slid the scarf up her back and began rewrapping it around her neck. Mikasa’s heart thrummed a little harder. That was something a mother would do, or a brother, of course… or a lover. She frowned up at Annie but the girl didn’t notice and was pulling the straps of Mikasa’s bra back onto her shoulder. She even refastened the clasp. 

“Do I have to do everything for you?” Annie asked quietly, now working her fingers up Mikasa’s shirt button by button. With a wistful sigh, she ran a hand over one of Mikasa’s breasts one last time before pulling the fabric of the shirt over them. 

Mikasa felt the warmth and security of her clothes envelop her. But they only covered half her body and she knew damn well despite being wrapped in the comfort of her scarf, her pussy was spread in a public room and the cold air on her wetness was making her shiver and her nipples harden, and even after everything she had just been through she suddenly wanted nothing more than to have Annie’s mouth back on them, soothing, and soft, and suckling, and… and… and just like that she burst out crying. 

Annie looked up at her nothing short of terrified. “M-Mikasa—” 

“Im sorry,” Mikasa said. Annie might have been right this whole time. Mikasa wanted it. Annie hadn’t done anything to hurt her… except tell her the truth. 

“Ok…” That was all Annie had wanted. She felt the last bits of anger bleed through her and disappear. 

Mikasa was already redressing, and wiping away her tears. What was she supposed to do? Nothing. She turned away and made for the door. That was the last time. That was the deal. Maybe now things could go back to normal the right way, without them ignoring each other or openly glaring at one another. She jogged out the doors of the school as her phone vibrated and saw Ymir pulling up in her junk car. 

“What’d you do, spray a mural in the halls or something?” Ymir asked suspiciously as she hopped in. “Don’t think I’m too old to remember when school lets out.” 

“No,” Annie said as they pulled away. 

“Are you sure? ‘Cause you’ve gotta be on your best behavior, now. Can’t have you dropping out.” 

“I know…” 

“So d’you run into that cute girl today?” 

“She’s _not cute_. And yes. I did.” 

“And?” Ymir’s hopeful smile was dashed as Annie let out a sigh. 

“And it’s finally over. Ok?” 

“No, _not_ ok. Do you think I don’t want you to be happy? I want you to be happy. You’re a hot little piece and you deserve some cute chick… knocking you over the head, or whatever it is. 

Annie snorted. “You wanna give it another go?” 

“Fucking… _no._ ” Ymir seemed to pout, and Annie wondered if she was still upset that she never managed to make Annie cum, or if she was still grumpy that violence was what it took. 

When Mikasa stepped outside there was no sign of Annie. She began her trek in the opposite direction, glancing back to make sure there was no sign of blonde hair anywhere. Maybe she had gotten a ride. There was no way Mikasa could do the same. She was going to have to go up to her room and pretend she had been there the whole afternoon. 

When she finally made her way down her driveway, she was grateful to find that it was void of cars, with both Mr. and Mrs. Jäger still at work. She stepped inside quietly, hurrying upstairs knowing she needed to talk to Eren before he got her in trouble by mentioning her lapse in schedule. He would want some sort of explanation… but what could she tell him? 

Passing his doorway she saw no sign of him in his room. Opening her own door, she jumped at the sight of her him. 

“Oh, you scared—” 

A few of her things were scattered around as though someone had been… digging through her stuff. In front of him was her dresser and as he backed away from it, she saw an open drawer. The one that held her strap-ons. Before she knew what she was doing she was charging across the room, ignoring Eren as he flinched away from her, and slamming the drawer shut. 

“I already saw…” he said. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took too long, I'm sorry. I started having feelings for another possible fic. Not even for this pairing. Not even for this fandom! It really writer's blocked me up. But I'm no good at juggling, so I'm going to do my best and stick with this to finish it first. 
> 
> Also, I've been reading a lot of fics lately and can I just say that "grinded" isn't a word and "anyways" is a dialect form? Thank you. I really needed to get that off my chest. >.>


	10. Time Apart

Mikasa’s hands were pale against the wood of her dresser. She couldn’t take her eyes off of them, palms flat against the drawer, holding in something that has already gotten out. 

Eren stood back, waiting for her to say something. To look at him. Anything. But the clock kept ticking in the corner, and whether or not she was going to be mad, it looked like he had to be the one to break the ice. 

“Mikasa?” 

She flinched when he spoke, her shoulders jerking up and her head ducking. Still, she would not look at him. This wasn’t fair. She didn’t want anyone to know. She didn’t even want it to be true. Since when did the brother that she loved and trusted rummage through her things? 

“Mikasa, those… uh, _those._ From what I hear, it… isn’t unusual for a girl to have them…” 

_What!? Could he have misunderstood what he saw?_

“But—a _harness…_ ” 

_Damn._

“That’s… for… using it with… a-another girl.” 

_Damn!_

He shifted uneasily at the lack of either a confirmation or a denial. “Look, I know what I did was wrong... It’s just, you’ve been acting weird lately. It’s been a lot of little things. And we haven’t talked in a while, like we used to, remember? And I love talking to you…" 

She remained frozen, trying to think of a way out. _‘Eren, you just don’t know enough about sex toys. The harness is…’ For what? ‘No, I haven’t been distant lately, I’ve just…’ Ugh._

“I didn’t mean for it to turn out like this. I thought at the worst, if I got caught, I would just be your annoying brother doing something stupid, you know? I didn’t think I would find anything this serious. I was just wondering if you… I don’t know. If there would be anything in here, that would tell me what’s going on with you. I guess… that’s what I found though, huh? I’m so sorry… Mikasa…"

There was no way out. She was cornered, trapped, in her own bedroom by her own… they both looked down at the sound of something hitting the floorboards. 

“Mikasa?! No, no, please, I’m so sorry! I love you! I swear!” 

Drop by drop, tears were rolling along her chin and to the ground between her feet. “Eren, you really suck, you know that?” She pushed herself off of her dresser and flung herself on her bed. “You couldn’t have asked?” 

“Would you have given me an answer?” 

_“No,_ I didn’t want to talk about this.” 

“Why…? It’s _me._ ” 

“I know it’s you, and it isn’t about you! It’s about me, Eren, and I’ve been trying to pull my thoughts together!” 

He really couldn't justify this. He had never done anything so traitorous to her before. “You’re not hitting me… you must really hate me, huh?” He stepped to the foot of her bed and sat on it gingerly, wishing she would look at him, or at least kick him in the side. 

“Do you see me as any different?” 

Eren looked at her, puzzling through it in his mind. Mikasa with girls. Looking at girls, crushing on girls, having a drawer full of sex toys for girls. “Yeah, maybe I do.” 

She pursed her lips, and reached up to press her palm into her forehead. 

“The fact that you’ve been having sex at _all_ is what really makes the difference though.” 

There was a pause in the room, as they listened to the clock tick. Mikasa and Eren. In Mikasa’s room. Same old clock ticking the same old time. Maybe that was it. Maybe that was all there was for the dust to settle. Was that all? She felt like something still needed to be done. 

“Why can’t you mind your own business!?” Mikasa lunged at Eren, locking her arm around his neck and digging in a series of powerful nuggies to the top of his head. 

He screamed, kicking, and apologized while trying to roll onto the floor and escape. “I love you! I love you! Oh, god, please, I swear I love you, it won’t happen again!” 

Finally she sat back and shoved him into his place at the foot of her bed. The two lay next to each other with their legs dangling off the side. “You’ll make it up to me.” 

“Of Course.” They were back to physical blows. All was well again. Although Eren still missed talking to his sister. Feeling impatient, he insisted on trying again.“So… you think she’s hot, right?” 

“I can’t believe I said that.” 

“Anyone I know?” 

“She goes to school with us.” 

“And you two aren’t even friends?” 

“Not even friends.” 

“Can’t you tell me _anything_ more?” 

“I won’t.” 

“If I had secret gay sex _I_ would tell _you_ ” 

“You would tell me if you had a _dream_ about gay sex." 

“‘Course I would. You tell me your dreams." 

“That’s because my dreams wake you up.” 

Eren pouted. “I always appreciated how close we were. When you came to live with us I thought it was so cool I was gonna have someone to go through school with, to be a teenager with, gang up on mom and dad with. I just assumed we would always be that close.” 

Ugh, if that didn’t get to her. More than anything in the world she treasured how readily Eren welcomed her into the family. How at home he made her feel. She should at least try. She missed talking to him too. “I really did want to fall in love first...” 

“But you’re doing it anyway? Aren’t you disappointed?” 

“Yeah…” 

“Maybe you should try falling in love with her.” 

_“What?”_

“Well, why can’t you? Is there something wrong with her?” 

“…Yes. There is.” 

“She’s not abusive or anything, is she?” 

Bloody bite marks on Annie’s thighs. Bloody lines trailing Annie’s stomach. At first her instinct was to scoff at Eren’s suspicion; it was ridiculous to think that she could fall into an abusive relationship. But she had. She had given Annie a black eye once, and that couldn’t be considered anything but abuse. 

“Is she?” Her somber look must have looked like some sort of admission. 

“No of course not. Why would you think that?” 

“Well it must be something, right? Is she a total bitch?” 

“She… no.” If Mikasa thought about it, Annie had never really been anything but cordial with her. “She’s not.” 

Annie woke up the next morning with a mouthful of Ymir’s couch pillow, to the sounds of profanities spewing from a car parked on the curb. Sitting up she saw her freckled friend already dressed for her dead end job, eating a waffle that was clearly too hot without a fork. Or a plate. Annie had never felt like she had a home, and unfortunately as Ymir tripped over an umbrella on the ground and knocked over what might as well have been a hundred pans in the kitchen, she was certain she still hadn’t found one. 

“Hey, sexy,” Ymir said from the floor. “Get ready for school, I’ll drive you.” 

“How about you drive me to work instead, I should just fill out an application now.” 

“No, no. You’re gonna have a real life, just as soon as you get dressed.” 

“I’ve gone to school in my pajamas before. My pajamas are blue jeans. Idiot. And I’m going to fail gym, it’s basically settled. That makes the grand majority of my classes, so. I give up.” 

“Aren’t you super smart or something?” Ymir moved over to the couch and started straightening out Annie’s hair the best she could with only her fingers. 

“I don’t do the work.” 

“Why not?”

“Because. It… feels stupid. Reading books about things that didn’t even happen, reading books about things that happened ages ago… _word problems,_ Ymir? I can’t even sleep in my own bedroom, why should I give a flying fuck about any of it? How the hell am I supposed to concentrate?” Ymir’s hands wrapped around the collar of her hoodie and tugged her up and into the brunette’s arms. 

“I don’t know, Annie, but we’re gonna make sure you make it.” When she got no response, she held tighter and began to sway, rocking Annie back and forth. 

“I’m not a child,” Annie said, muffled against Ymir’s chest. 

“Just trying to make you feel better.” 

“You know what would make me feel better?” 

“Hmm?” 

“A lap dance.” 

“You know what? I’ll actually give you one. If you start getting your act together.” 

“But I already failed. My wrestling team lost a member, and there goes gym.” 

“Annie! Just get a new teammate!” 

Ymir looked so happy with the idea, Annie hated to be pessimistic. “No one wants to join. Coach was practically begging people when the team started up, but no one likes wrestling.” 

“But people like _you_ don’t they?” 

“Not really.” 

"Are you sure?" 

She made it to school on _time_ for once. She sprinted past her friends in the parking lot, and past a familiar shiny red car, past dozens of weary teachers, and finally made it to the hallway where the good students hung out. _“Eren!”_ She demanded, seeing him in the the crowd. He turned around, revealing Jean doing his aloof leaning on a wall routine. And there was Armin… and there was Mikasa. Actually looking back at her like she existed. Well, things were back to normal then. 

“Come here!” He trotted up to her, no questions asked. Oh, wait, there it was. 

“What’s up, you gonna teach me some boxing moves?” He threw up his fists up. So damn hopeful. 

“Yes. But you’ll have to pay me.” 

“Uh… how much?” 

“Join the wrestling team so they don’t cancel it.” Behind Eren, Mikasa was watching them carefully. Despite Annie wanting things to be back to normal she couldn’t help but feel a little smug. _How’s it feel to be the one getting ignored?_

“Isn’t it a girls’ team?” 

“Only because no boys joined.” 

“Why didn’t they?” 

“Probably didn’t want to lose to Mikasa. But now she’s gone.” 

“Did you ask Reiner and Bertholdt to join?” 

“They’re too big! They would only have each other to practice with, and for what? I’ve seen our rival teams. No one’s as big as them.” Eren smiled at her. God he was so good natured. She almost felt guilty goading him into it. 

“You know what? It actually sounds like a lot of fun! I’m in.” 

_There goes the guilt. What a peppy kid._ “Ok. Show up today after school, alright?” 

“You got it, sensei.” 

_Ugh. Dork._ She turned then and made her way out of prep city. Glancing back as she rounded the corner, she met Mikasa's eyes. _She looks… super suspicious of me. Tch. I hope she doesn’t think this is some pathetic ploy for attention. It’s her fault, anyway._

As the day dragged on, Annie did, in fact, ignore Mikasa. There was no malice to it, but her pride wouldn’t allow her to risk the other girl thinking she was needy. During the final class of the day she chanced a look at Mikasa’s desk, and realized the girl had been staring at her out of the corner of her eye. _I want things to go back to normal. I do._ Feeling like a smart ass, she shot Mikasa a little wave, making the girl grit her teeth and turn away. _But I hope you regret cancelling our sex._

After school, the “girls wrestling team” was immediately changed to “the wrestling team,” and their coach was almost violently thrilled to have another recruit. Living in farm country meant their school’s population was pretty small, which in turn meant that teams were made and unmade every year, when a single graduation could decimate the number of participating bodies. Because of this, their school’s athletics were coed, a product of their coach’s unyielding competitive spirit and his unwillingness to lack in any arena. 

To Annie’s surprise, Eren had been right about wrestling being fun that afternoon. Annie got to watch him get pummeled repeatedly by Mina, and Eren got to, for perhaps the first time in his life, talk to a bunch of girls for a couple of hours. 

“Hey, Eren! How would you like to get back at Mina?” Annie called, when practice was almost up. 

“How?” 

“Oh, no, here she goes again,” Mina complained as Annie gave her a pat on the shoulder. 

“Boxing’s well enough on its own, Eren, but if you want a few tricks up your sleeve…” 

“I do!” 

“Right. Then Mina, do like usual,” Annie commanded, and Mina put up her fists, with a dramatic huff and a smile. 

“She makes me do this when she gets bored.” 

“Annie, I didn’t know you had any friends,” Eren teased. 

“More like punching bags,” Mina muttered as Annie leaned in to whisper something in Eren’s ear. 

When she stepped back Eren took up a fighting stance, and looked Mina over carefully. 

“You get it, Eren?” At his nod she grinned wickedly at Mina. “Swing a punch, Mina, do it.” 

Rolling her eyes, she did as she was told, laughing as Eren managed to get her arm in a lock. “Now grab like this!” Annie ordered, and before Mina knew it she was trapped, and Annie was egging Eren to kick her legs out. She hit the mat with a thump, and above her Eren gave Annie an enthusiastic high five. 

Yes. For the first time in a while, Annie found herself enjoying her time at school. She was back in the running to make it into the eleventh grade. She had a place to crash that wasn’t anywhere near a raging drunk. She wasn’t even stuck obsessing over Mikasa, and if she was honest with herself she hadn’t realized how confining it felt until she was free of it. 

Across town however, Mikasa was having quite a different afternoon. She was sprawled lazily on the floor of Eren’s bedroom, idly blasting aliens on her brother’s console. Armin was perched on the bed, staring in consternation as their characters were slowly overwhelmed by the invaders. She hoped he couldn’t tell how lost in thought she was. 

Eren’s words had played themselves over and over in her mind that day. She felt… guilty. As much as it pained her to think about it, she had hurt Annie, and not just physically-- their last encounter had been proof enough of that. Mikasa was the abuser. She had thrown Annie around and didn’t consider that the girl had any feelings about it other than a perverse, unending horniness. 

All the time she had spent worrying about what it meant to be physically terrorizing someone during sex, she hadn’t at all considered that she had been on an emotional par with a sociopath. She really was fucked up… they were both fucked up. But she didn’t want to admit… didn’t want to think that she… 

“Mikasa?” 

“Huh?” 

“We died… you stopped playing.” 

“Oh, I’m sorry.” 

“Mikasa… you’ve been acting kind of… off lately.” 

“Oh, have I?” One look told her Armin wasn’t buying it. 

“It hasn’t just been nightmares, has it? You’ve always had them…” 

“No, it’s not that… It’s hard to explain really.” 

“Have you spoken to anyone?” At the shake of her head he pressed on. “You really should. Eren? Me? Jean? The counselor?” That last one earned him an eye roll. 

“I think I can work through it on my own, ok? I just need a little time… I promise I’ll be fine though.” She hated to see that look of uncertainty on his face. And she hated to think that she wasn’t letting one of her best friends in on something. “I wanna tell you, Armin, it’s just that I’m not even sure I could explain it to myself just yet.” 

He smiled at her, and she was relieved to see it was a genuine one. “Whatever you need, Mikasa,” he promised. “Does this mean you wanna stop playing video games?” 

“Not at all.” And the two went back to the screen. Though she tried to stay in the present, and tried to enjoy spending time with her friend, her thoughts were still drawn back to Annie. 'Was there something wrong with her,' Eren had asked. Of course there was. Something seriously wrong. But Mikasa herself might be worse off. 'Why can’t you just fall in love with her,' Eren had wanted to know. Well, for all anyone knew…Mikasa was the one who was really unlovable. 

That night she woke up falling down the stairs. She lay still for a moment, covered in sweat, listening to see if she had disturbed anyone. 

Her heart pounded painfully, and dizzying images started pouring back into her head, recollections of what had just been her dream. Her mother had been on the floor, bloodied and reaching out to her, and screaming to run, run, run, and she _hadn’t ._ She _hadn’t_ but instead she had stayed there, in her teenage body, in her childhood dress, holding a crumpled Annie up by the collar of her hoodie. 

There was no sign of the men. There was only Mikasa, and her mother with the life seeping out of her veins, and Annie, barely conscious in her hands. The shrill screaming became background noise, as she heaved Annie up, grabbed her by the forehead and slammed her skull into the wall. With both hands she pushed until she could feel the bone crunching and cracking against the wood, deforming and slowly killing the blonde, who looked back at her through the gaps in her fingers, long eyelashes brushing against Mikasa’s skin like butterfly wings every time she blinked. 

She didn’t look panicked. She didn’t look angry. She just looked at Mikasa calmly, and even though she knew her mother was right there watching her, she couldn’t stop her hands from pushing, even when Annie’s skull was starting to leave a crack in the wall. 

She lay limply with the wood of the stairs digging into her back as she stared up at the ceiling. She didn’t even have it in her to whimper. She contemplated sleeping through the rest of the night there on the stairs, but she knew that it would be Eren’s mom who found her, and no matter how tired she was she couldn’t trouble the woman. She didn’t want to let on any more than she already _frequently_ did that they had taken a nuisance into their home. A nuisance that was clearly crazy, pitifully maladjusted, potentially dangerous, and maybe a fucking monster. Crawling up to the landing, she almost wished she could dive back into her dream, and try again to pry her hands away from Annie. 

She was still half delusional with sleep, and her emotions were still so raw from the experience that for a moment she thought she should reach for her phone, call Annie up, and cry out an apology for her murder. She passed out in her bed before she could figure out how to explain why she simply couldn’t stop herself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short short SHORT update! 
> 
> And yeah, I'm including more characters, but if you guys want I could bring the focus back to being solely on Annie and Mikasa, just let me know! 
> 
> (On that not, this entire time I've been thinking of their coach as Kieth Shadis, but I didn't wanna put it in there cause I thought it might be tacky.)
> 
> As always, I really appreciate your thoughts, so feel free to drop a line and tell me if it starts getting less entertaining or if there's something you want to see.


	11. Seeing Green

“Hey, look at this.” Reiner’s backpack was suddenly under her nose, and she peered down to find a few shiny bags at the bottom. 

“Got a few G’s to share with you guys. In honor of Annie’s maybe passing.” 

“Shouldn’t we wait until I’m in the clear?” 

“No.” Reiner looked appalled by the idea. 

“Annie, all you have to do is _pass,”_ Bertholdt smiled down at her. “You can scrape up enough points for that. Just buckle down.” 

“Yeah, and spend like _no_ time with us for weeks on end. _Reading,”_ Reiner griped. 

“What horrors.” Bertholdt grabbed the bag and zipped it up. “And we shouldn’t get caught with this, either.” 

The first bell sounded off inside the building, and Annie let out a wail. “School’s a lot worse when you actually _do_ it.” 

“What!? No spoilers!” To Mikasa’s left, Armin covered his ears and scowled. To her right, Eren leaned over her desk and tried to shove a comic book into his friend’s face. To _Eren’s_ right, Connie yanked at Eren’s pants, desperate to have the story spoiled. It was on days like this that she wished Jean was in their year. 

All went quiet as the teacher stepped to the front. Bullet points, bullet points, bullet points. Could she make it any harder for Mikasa to keep her eyes open? All she could do in a lull like this was wish her plague of night terrors would disappear, and wish that Annie’s unsubtle staring _hadn’t_ disappeared. _Do you hate me? I can’t tell._

A pencil flew in from the right and smacked the side of her face. Glaring swiftly, she found only an innocent looking Eren pretending to take notes and the back of Connie’s cue ball head. At least it woke her up. 

“…team projects.” _What was that?_

She looked over to see Eren and Connie puzzling over a handout as they passed the pile to her. Apparently she hadn’t been the only one not paying attention. She passed them over to Armin absentmindedly, skimming the assignment. Teams of two? Armin stood abruptly and she looked up at him, taking in his rigid posture and frightened expression. 

_What’s gotten into him?_ He strode down his aisle, stopping almost at the front of the room… and tapping on Mina’s shoulder? _No way!_ She nudged Eren, who was already gaping. 

“Wait!” Connie whispered. “Armin’s into Mina? Since when?” 

“Dunno,” Eren muttered, shuffling through his papers and watching Armin out of the corner of his eye. “He didn’t tell me anything about it…” 

Armin knelt down next to her desk, and the two were smiling… whatever his plan was, it seemed to be going smoothly. 

“Who still needs a partner?” Their teacher called from her desk. 

Mikasa looked over at Eren expectantly, only to find him consulting with Connie. She looked to Armin’s empty desk. _Hey wait a second._ She pouted a bit as her hand extended into the air. _Group of three?_

And then there was movement by the window, as Annie raised her hand lazily into the air. Curiously, the blonde glanced around the room, finally spotting Mikasa. Her eyebrows rose a bit, and she waved. 

_How the hell is she doing that? When she looks at me it’s like we’ve barely even met…_ Mikasa couldn’t keep from wondering if Annie was doing it on purpose. After hearing the way she spoke during their fight, Mikasa had serious doubts about being forgiven so easily. 

“Well, there you are,” their teacher called. “Good luck, Ackerman.” 

“What do you mean?” Distracted by her own thoughts, Mikasa didn’t realize what she had asked until an uncomfortable silence descended on the room. It was well known that the teachers looked on Annie with a sense of disdain, the same way they looked down on Reiner and Bertholdt. They frequently threw snide comments at the trio, mild enough that they could be written off as harmless teasing if it were ever brought up. But they never bothered acting like they didn’t mean every word. 

Mikasa watched as their teacher looked down awkwardly at the papers she was stacking. She had been perhaps the first person to call her out on it. And publicly. Across the room, she saw that Annie was back to openly staring at her, if only for the moment. 

Neglecting to answer Mikasa’s question entirely, class was dismissed, and she and her friends joined in the bustle to get out the door. Only once they were down the hall did she realize she should have spoken to Annie about their work, but when she glanced around for the little blonde her eyes only mistakenly caught on Christa. _Where did she go?_

Mikasa didn’t really want to spend any more time with Annie. She was nervous about what the girl might say, and she was uncomfortable with the idea of being alone with her again. That’s what she told herself, as she battled the feeling of disappointment at missing a chance to speak with her. 

Across the school, the doors to the theatre crashed open. Annie stepped in, eyeing the empty seats surrounding the stage. “Hello?” she mumbled. 

A few rows away, two heads popped up over the backs of chairs. “Oh, hi!” said Reiner. “You don’t usually… hey, don’t you have class right now?” 

“It’s a class I’m already passing. And I needed a break. Don’t look at me that way,” she added, noticing Bertholdt’s nervous eyes. “You guys eat all your lunch already?” 

“Yeah, why, you want some?” asked Reiner as he crumpled a brown paper bag in his hand. 

“It’s ok, I can wait.” She sat down on the floor next to Reiner, not even needing to hunch to remain hidden. 

“So what’s wrong?” asked Bertholdt. 

“Ugh. I just. Needed a quiet place for a little while. I forgot how much my teachers this year don’t like me. Even though it shouldn’t, I know it’s gonna make it harder to raise my grades.” 

“Ain’t that the truth,” Reiner grumbled, stuffing his trash into his pack. 

The door swung open again, and on reflex Annie nearly slammed her head into the ground trying to duck as quickly as Reiner and Bertholdt. 

The three of them remained bowed, listening to the quiet footsteps pacing around near the stage. To their dismay, the anonymous shoes began clicking up the aisle. Reiner was frozen, with his hand still jammed in his backpack, trying to keep the rumpled wrappers inside from crinkling. If he moved they would all be caught. Bertholdt was stuck between Reiner and the aisle. Annie was the only one who could crawl backwards and sneak out, and despite the looks her friends were shooting her, urging her to flee, she didn’t have the heart, and sat right where she was. 

“Well, well.” The shoes clicked to a halt, and they winced at the sound of Mr. Levi’s calm, cold tone. “Eating lunch in here, are we? You know any crumbs you leave behind will attract pests.” 

_Of course._

Reiner’s bag was snatched out of his hand. “Let’s have a look.” After rifling through it, the man paused, and withdrew his pale hand holding a small bag of weed. 

Mikasa sat in the cafeteria, not even bothering to hide that she was looking for someone, despite the fact that she was seated with all of her friends. Though everyone tried to carry on their own conversations, they became aware that Mikasa was barely touching her lunch. 

“So…” Jean started, but was unsure how to proceed when Mikasa wouldn’t even look at him. “What’s wrong with you?” 

“Oh, I’m just looking for Annie,” she said. 

“Oh!” Sasha chirped from where she sat, eating the rejected parts of Connie’s lunch. “I think she’s still in the principal’s office. Her and her friends are in trouble again.” 

Mikasa frowned, finally turning to the food in front of her. 

“You think they got detention? ‘Cause Rainer said I could hang out with them after school.” Eren asked. 

“No clue,” Sasha said. “But apparently it was serious this time. Mr. Levi took them in, and they actually looked kind of scared.” 

Principal Smith sat across from them at his desk. Two bags of weed. Silence. 

They had been sitting there for what felt like much too long broiling under his intense gaze, the only occasional sound coming from Annie’s stomach as she sat quietly through her lunch period, feeling both hungry and nauseous at the prospect of flunking out, her life being ruined, and her subsequent poverty stripping her of many more meals to come. 

Finally, unable to take the pressure, and fearing for his friends, Reiner spoke up. “Excuse me, sir, but it was really my fault.” 

“Oh?” His eyes were quick to train themselves on Reiner. “And how’s that?” 

“The hash, I mean. They didn’t even know I had it, it was just for me… I know what Mr. Levi said but we were really only in there eating lunch. And I know we’re not supposed to… but please don’t take the drugs out on them. It really was only me. It was just my fault. 

Despite his hard voice and crisp attitude, Annie could always swear she saw a glow of compassion behind Mr. Smith’s eyes. She could see it then, too, just the slightest flicker of appreciation for what Reiner was trying to do for them. Her eyes moved around the pictures on the wall. Their principal had been, in another life, a soldier. Scattered around the room were memories of that. Medals, photographs… she wondered if that didn’t mean he was left with a different sense of the world. If maybe, just maybe, the atrocities that they committed with spray paint were excusable. He had seen much worse splattered on a wall, she was sure. Where all the other teachers saw criminals, Maybe Mr. Smith saw kids. Really kids. Sure, worse behaved than others, but how could they compare to real criminals? War criminals? She wondered if Mr. Smith might have it in him to see them as people instead of rule breakers, and to see Reiner as someone willing to stick his neck out for his friends instead of as just a piece of shit. 

“You three have been in here an awful lot over the years. But it’s been a while. Any reason for that?” His eyes landed on Reiner. 

“Uh… no?” He was clearly puzzled by the question, though trying to outwit it. Was it a trap? Was there a right answer or a password he was supposed to be giving?” 

“Could you make one?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Like maybe… you’ve been trying to improve your behavior lately? Better yourselves?” 

“O-oh. Yes. We have.” 

The man nodded at that, but picked up one of the bags, turning it over in his hand and still clearly preoccupied with what to do. 

“You’re the Hoover boy, correct?” He glanced at Bertholdt and was met with a quiet nod. “And you…” He turned to Annie. “You’re Miss Leonhardt. Right?” 

He was looking at her quite gently, as if he knew some secret. As if he pitied her. It made her throat tighten. “Yeah,” she said softly. 

Again, he looked deeply troubled. “There are firm rules in place at this school. Three strikes policy for drugs. For anyone involved.” 

Reiner looked like he might actually cry. Annie knew it was for her, though, and not for himself. 

“But you’re saying these two _weren’t_ involved?” 

“Yes! Yes, that’s what I’m saying.” 

“Eating in the theatre is still worth a detention. But I suppose there would be no reason to call your parents, Mister Hoover, Miss Leonhardt. As for you, Mister Braun… detention as well, and… this _is_ your third strike. 

He didn’t want to do it. He didn’t want to expel Reiner, Annie could see it. They all waited patiently as Mr. Smith mulled things over again. 

“Technically the wording is ambiguous, isn’t it?” He asked them. When they didn’t answer right away, he went on. “Three strikes. Is it… you lose after you make three mistakes? Or is it… you get three freebies and if you mess up again, you lose? I was never any good at baseball, you see.” 

Reiner actually teared up. “I think, sir… you get three freebies.” 

“And then if you mess up after that, you lose?” 

“…Yeah.” 

“Very well. Detention for all three of you. I will have to call home, however, Mister Braun.” 

“Yes sir, I understand… thank you.” 

They made their way shakily to the door. Annie chanced a look back on her way out, and almost made out the ghost of a smile on Principal Smith’s lips. 

“Reiner…” Bertholdt murmured when they were further down the hall. “I noticed he only has two bags…?” 

“There’s one in my pocket. Shut up.” 

Mikasa went through the last two classes of the day seeing no trace of Annie in the halls. Surrendering, she leaned next to Eren’s locker as he shoveled his things into his pack. 

“You know, I really wanted to hang out with Reiner’s crowd today… you don’t have to come with me if you don’t want. But I’m gonna wait here until detentions over. I’m sure they wouldn’t mind if you stayed too, though. 

Before Mikasa could answer, Jean piped up from across the hall. “Eren, what’s up with you? Why the sudden interest in hanging out with those guys?” 

“They’re nice,” he defended. 

“Sure, they’re nice enough, but they’re Juvie bait. And if you spend too much time with them, you’re probably gonna be too. 

“I can have friends without copying everything they do, Jean, I’m not an idiot.” 

“Whatever. Armin, you coming home now?” 

They all knew Jean actually cared. That this was probably coming from a place of concern for Eren rather than a dislike of the detentioned trio. But Mikasa couldn’t stop herself from feeling a little defensive about them too. 

“Yeah…” Armin looked a bit torn. “What about you, Mikasa?” 

If she had been torn between avoiding Annie and seeing her before, Jean’s attitude had made up her mind. “I’ll hang around too.” 

Eren grinned at his locker as he closed it. Constantly feeling as though he and Jean were somehow competing, having Mikasa on his side felt like a victory. 

Armin smiled softly at the two of them. “Ok, well, I’ll see you guys later. Try not to wind up behind bars!” He teased. 

Waiting for detention to let out was a quiet affair. Eren danced around the deserted hallway they had chosen, listening to his iPod, and making his way back and forth and up and down the expanse of tiled floor repeatedly, failing miserably to cover up what he was doing the few times a group of friends passed by their hall and giggled at him. He didn’t stop though, and Mikasa loved him for it. 

She took the time to get a better look at what she would be working on with Annie, trying to divide up the work and come up with a format, all the while feeling it slowly sink in that they would be together again. Alone. Probably in someone’s bedroom. Just like the first time… 

For every few lines she read, and image popped into her head of all the things that could happen. Annie could yell at her again. Say she’s not forgiven. She could still tell everyone about what happened between them. She might want more. Maybe she would test Mikasa’s claim that their last time was truly their last time. Maybe she wouldn’t do anything at all. Maybe they would just do school work. Scribbling a few notes in the margin Mikasa realized that she couldn’t decide which outcome was the worst. But she still… wanted to see Annie. She could admit that much to herself at least. 

After a little while they saw Mr. Levi pass quickly by their hallway, the last teacher to leave the building, stuck forever with detention duty. Eren didn’t even have time to stop dancing before the man was out of sight. After a few more minutes, Mikasa looked up from her spot on the floor to see Bertholdt round the corner, and creep up on an unaware Eren. To her amazement, the tall boy began to dance along with no music of his own. Eren jumped when he finally realized, and he tried to share his earbuds as Reiner and Annie approached. 

“Ah, your too tall!” He laughed, and let Reiner reach over and swipe the buds out of their jack. To Mikasa’s further amazement, Reiner and Bertholdt then instigated a small dance party at the other end of the hall. She had never pegged the delinquents to be the type to… well, to do that. Thinking on it though, she realized that not caring what anyone thought was part of their charm. 

But Annie wasn’t dancing. She was walking right down the hall, toward Mikasa. Catching her eye, she nodded a bit, jutting her chin out in a way that Mikasa associated with a rougher, less polite crowd. But in ragged jeans and worn boots, it suited Annie, a girl who wore hair ties instead of bracelets, and colored her nails with sharpie out of boredom instead of polish out of an effort to be desirable. Thinking on it even further… there was a charm to that, too. 

_Well_ Mikasa braced herself. _If she can be casual, then so can I._ She gave the girl a small wave, and held up the sheet she had marked up, letting Annie know what she had been working on. 

Silently, the blonde ran her eyes over the paper from where she stood, recognizing it and giving her another small nod of understanding. She then turned and huffed at the boys, telling them to hurry up. _It really is like we’ve never met._ Mikasa thought, standing to walk out as the boys caught up. 

“So what are we doing today,” Eren asked. 

“Well, we were gonna go hang out with a friend of ours, Ymir,” said Reiner. 

That caught Mikasa’s attention. 

“And we were gonna smoke some joints.” 

And, if possible, that caught even more of her attention. 

“Don’t worry,” Bertholdt smiled, seeing the anxious look cross her face. “Of course you guys don’t have to do it.” 

“What if I want to?” Eren asked, tilting his head and taking on a philosophical tone. 

_“Eren!”_

“Hah, just kidding.” 

As they rounded a corner, Reiner made a beeline for his locker, and the other boys hurried to keep up. Mikasa hung back, and to her surprise so did Annie. 

“Thanks, by the way,” the blonde said, keeping her eyes ahead of her, on the boys. 

“For what?” 

“For freaking our teacher out. Even if you didn’t mean to, it was pretty funny.” Annie graced her with a small smile. 

“She really shouldn’t treat you that way.” 

Annie shrugged it off, and leaned on the wall next to Eren as they watched Reiner spin his padlock. Going by the looks of him, Mikasa expected a cartoonish mountain of trash to fall out, complete with apple cores and last year’s books. Instead she was greeted with a wall of gleaming aluminum, in silvers, purples, and yellows. 

“Woah! That’s great!” Eren said, as he realized he was looking at stacks of soda cans. 

Perhaps, Mikasa thought, this was actually more Reiner’s style. Nothing academic to speak of… and he was passing them out to share. She felt her lips tug into a smile even before she was given one. It was getting harder and harder to deny it; these kids definitely had a charm to them. Disheveled, motley, loud, lazy… generous… friendly. Class skipping, practical joking, brazenly lying. _Motherfucker._ Mikasa thought, hating to admit it. They were cool. 

“Where’s your locker, Annie?” Eren asked. 

When it looked like she couldn’t quite remember, Reiner grinned, kicking one on the row below his. “It’s right here!” He said. “But she never uses it. What’s the combo, anyway?” 

She crouched down and examined the padlock for a minute before peeling something off the back. 

“Are you serious?” Reiner laughed. “You’re not supposed to leave the combo attached, you loser.” When it popped open they found it completely barren. 

“Maybe you could fill it with chips,” Eren said. 

“Hey! Now you’re gettin’ it, little guy,” Reiner teased, slamming his hand against Eren’s shoulder.” 

“I have to be ‘little guy?’ But Annie’s smaller.” 

“Yeah,” she said. “But I’m the little lady.” And to Mikasa’s astonishment, she _winked_ at her brother. 

“You’re no lady,” he accused, smiling. As the group headed out to the busses, he threw his arm around Annie’s shoulder. She didn’t say anything about it. 

Mikasa watched from a few steps back, not sure what to make of it. This wasn’t Annie messing with her. It was Eren… did he like her? 

As they clambered onto the bus, Bertholdt and Reiner each took one of the back seats. _Where the cool kids sit._ She mused, remembering sitting up front before Jean got his car. Annie sat down a row in front of them, and… Eren slid in next to her. Mikasa sat gingerly across from them, trying to catch Annie’s expression. She didn’t seem to mind at all. 

Mikasa was making too much of it. She had to be. He wasn’t doing anything crazy, he was just being friendly. But as the ride into town progressed and she chatted idly with Bertholdt and Reiner, Eren slowly monopolized Annie’s attention, turning her way and not bothering with the rest of them. And he kept… nudging her arm, and… _Oh my god, did he just ruffle her hair?_

It was only when they stepped off in town that Mikasa saw it. That smile. That was the smile he wore when he liked a girl. To Mikasa, it was as easy to see as the sun, but as she looked frantically to Bertholdt and Reiner, she realized she was the only one who noticed. Bewildered, she trailed behind the group, watching as Eren _flirted_ with Annie. Though admittedly, the only technique he had was paying extra attention to her. 

_What does he see in her? That hoodie covers most of her assets. That’s a terrible way of looking at things though, isn’t it? Eren wouldn’t think like that. She’s so rough though, punching her friends in the arm, getting competitive at sports. Ugh, Eren would actually appreciate that. But she’s so rude, telling filthy jokes, and…_ From in front of her, Eren laughed at something Annie said. _And he thinks it’s funny…_

Finally they came to a more worn looking street with only a few quiet shops, and barely any pedestrian traffic. Cutting between two abandoned stores, they found themselves in a somewhat spacious alley way. And there, at the end of it, in a freaking lawn chair, sat a woman who could only be Ymir. 

“My underage bros!” She hooted, and swung her arms around Bertholdt’s neck, fist bumping Reiner, and finally _picking Annie up_ in a hug that lasted just a hint longer than the one she gave Bertholdt. 

_That’s right. Underage. Put her down._ Mikasa thought, trying not to glare. 

“And who’d you bring me? New customers?” She grinned broadly at Eren and Mikasa, seemingly not ashamed at all to be breaking the law. 

“Nah, just some kids we’re hanging out with. Unless the little guy here is feeling daring.” Reiner grinned down at Eren. 

“I’m not ‘the little guy,” he clarified, straightening his posture. 

“What can I call you then?” Ymir asked, sitting back on her rusty chair like it was a throne. The look in her eye, Mikasa noticed, was actually kind and seemed… respectful. 

“Eren Jäger.” 

“Oh! The Doc’s kid, no kidding? You know, you’re dad’s pretty cool. He never busts me for fighting.” 

“You fight?” 

“Yeah! She’s in fight club, that’s where she advertises her little “business,” said Reiner. 

“This guy’s _in_?” Ymir asked, looking Eren over. 

“Nah, but he hangs. This one here probably wouldn’t let him fight,” Reiner gestured to Mikasa and for the first time all eyes were on her. 

“You the girlfriend?” Ymir asked. 

Mikasa scoffed, blushing. “I’m his _sister._ ” 

“His s—oh. So you’re _that_ girl?” Ymir asked, trying to be delicate. 

“Yes. I’m ‘that girl,” she said, before anyone had a chance to feel uncomfortable. _Really? People I haven’t even met know who I am?_ Annie was looking at her again from over by Ymir, and actually seemed concerned. 

“Well. Now that introductions are out of the way,” Reiner began, hoisting himself up onto a dumpster. “I’ve got an unfortunately small number of joints to roll. Who am I sharing with, by the way?” 

Ymir raised her hand. “If you don’t have that much, I’ll trade you beer to make up for it.” 

“Deal.” 

Bertholdt raised his hand too, and was passed the first. “None for the new kids?” Ymir asked. 

Reiner glanced back at them, and they shook their heads. “Nah, their innocent,” he said, smiling. 

“And this one? Is she “innocent” today too?” And just like that, Ymir grabbed Annie around the hips and yanked her into her lap. “You’re _real_ innocent, huh?” 

_Ugh. Let go of her._

“Sure she is, look at those big blue eyes,” Eren teased. 

_What the fuck is happening!?_

And as the rest of the group had a good time and shared some laughs, Mikasa spent the afternoon watching both Ymir and Eren flirt with Annie. Ymir, to her credit, seemed to know exactly what Eren was doing, and seemed to think it was _funny,_ but her brother was left oblivious to the occasional lesbian innuendo. 

Annie didn’t seem to mind the teasing, nudging, poking, ruffling, pinching, joking, and overall attention. In fact, she almost didn’t seem to notice, and got comfortable perching on Ymir’s knees, humoring Eren, and even patting him on the head where he sat next to Ymir’s chair. 

_This isn’t real._ Mikasa didn’t know who to be more frustrated with. Annie, for potentially leading her brother on, Eren, for somehow not noticing how freaking _gay_ Annie was sitting there on that lanky butch, or Ymir, for having the nerve to slide her hands into the pockets of Annie’s hoodie. _She’s in fucking high school you slut go make some friends your own age!_

And then Ymir tilted her head – so suddenly, so slightly, it was as if she heard Mikasa’s thoughts, and in the midst of chatter and plumes of smoke those dark eyes flickered over to hers. The noise of the group faded away for a moment as she looked back at Ymir. Her eyes were sharp, as if she could tap right into Mikasa’s head, and for some reason they were warm, as if she found something in there that she appreciated. But a second later the woman looked away, focusing on no one in particular and letting a smile spread across her face. 

_Uhh…_ Even her mind was sputtering. _What the hell was that? Does she… does she know?_ Mikasa tried to regroup, focusing back on Bertholdt as he said… something… _Wait! What’s there for her to know? There’s nothing to know… goddamnit, what? What the hell was that!_ She was left completely flustered, and felt somehow left out, and once again had the strange urge to get Annie’s attention. But the only thing they had to talk about was their stupid group project. She couldn’t possibly think of anything _lamer_ to talk about in front of these guys. _School work would have been fine to bring up in front of Jean and Armin._

Finally their time had to come to an end. Eren got up when Annie did, and in Mikasa’s opinion, he stood a little too close to her. Ymir stretched languidly, and reached behind her chair into a bag that clinked as she shifted it. She pulled out a few beers and passed them to Reiner, and Mikasa wondered dully where the hell her principals went and how exactly could she stand there casually watching laws be broken. 

Ymir walked them out of their alley, needing to go home herself, and there the group parted ways. As Eren and Mikasa walked toward their own home, Mikasa turned back once, only to catch the sight of Ymir with her arm around Annie’s shoulders, as they and Reiner headed off to the poorer section of town. She turned back around abruptly and scowled down at her feet. 

Dinner was peaceful, and her homework got done, and by the end of the night she was calmly back with her brother playing video games in his room. Calmly, that is, for a little while. 

“So d’you have fun today? You don’t think those guys are bad, do you?” 

She sighed a little, feeling the pricks of her earlier discontent returning. “No, I don’t think they’re bad,” She said quietly, “They’re nice.” 

“Even Annie? For a while there it seemed like you might hate her…” 

_God you’re so unsubtle._ “Yeah, Annie’s… nice…” They glanced at each other as a cut scene loaded on the television screen. “I don’t hate her. I didn’t hate her.” 

“Oh. That’s good.” An uncomfortable pause ensued, as Eren appeared to be gathering some of his thoughts together. “So that thing with Armin and Mina, huh? Kind of sudden. Did he tell you anything about it?” 

“No, I didn’t know until he went over to her looking like he was gonna faint.” 

“Hah, yeah…” He said, unconvincingly. “So I was thinking… I should probably… you know, try something like that.”

“Oh?” 

“Yeah. I mean if Armin can do it… I can too, right? I can… do that.” 

They paused again, as Eren learned a set of new commands for his character. Mikasa hoped that meant he was done talking about it. But she never counted herself lucky. 

“So. You don’t think… you wouldn’t be mad if I asked Annie out? Maybe not even like a date!” His ears turned red. “Maybe just, if I could hang out with her more. But if I did ask her on a date, like… yeah?” 

_No I wouldn’t be mad. She wouldn’t say yes._ “Uh… no, you can try doing that. But are you sure she’s really a good choice?” 

“Well, yeah. She’s nice, right? Like you said. And she’s… I know she doesn’t make it obvious but she’s really pretty, isn’t she? And I kinda like how low key she is. You know what I mean?” 

“Yeah…” _Damnit. What? What!?_ “But, she… are you sure she’d say yes? You only just started spending time with her, maybe you don’t know her… as well as you should.” 

“But I wanna get to know her _better ,_ that’s kind of the point. I’m gonna be trying to date, you know, not just sleeping around like you.” He stuck his tongue out at her like he was the most clever clevering boy. 

_I hate you what are you doing._ “Eren…” 

“Sorry, just kidding. Well I’m not, I totally do wanna see if she’d like me. She’s so cool, you know?” 

“Yeah, I know… Eren, look, I don’t think it’s a good idea.” 

“Oh, come on! She’s so funny, and she’s smart—” 

“Eren…” 

“And she even said she’d try some comic books—” 

“Eren.” 

“And… well, I don’t know if you’ve seen it but she does this cute thing where she twirls her hair—” 

“Eren…!” _No this can’t be happening._

“And you know, I don’t think she’s ever dated anybody else, so she’s kind of in the same boat as me. I mean, I’ve never even kissed anyone, and I’ll bet she’s just as inexperienced—” 

“Eren!” 

“What?” 

“She’s _gay.”_

They stared at each other. And stared. How could Mikasa know that? She watched the cogs spinning behind Eren’s eyes, waiting for him to realize. There was no way the truth of her situation wasn’t written plainly all over her face. 

“Oh my god!” He yelled, pointing at her accusingly. “Oh my _god_!” he said again, realizing the context of their conversation. “Why didn’t you just _tell_ me?” 

“I didn’t want you to know…” 

“You _did_ Annie.” He hissed it like a secret. “And you outed her!” 

“I didn’t out her! She’s not in the closet, she doesn’t care. I asked her about it once, when… uh. Look. Just. Oh god. Can we just drop it?” 

They went back to playing their game, and slowly Mikasa relaxed again. And quickly, Eren ruined it. Again. "She’s not even bi?” 

“No… ugh! What are you asking for? I don’t wanna have sex with the same girl as my brother.” 

“I just wanted to know! I mean, I feel kind of silly now… here I was getting ready to ask her, and she didn’t even like guys. Besides, I’m not gonna have sex. I’m sticking to the plan. No sex until I fall in love.” He glared at her. “But apparently I’m the only loser doing that.” 

“Believe me, I wish I stuck to the plan,” she huffed. “I don’t get this game at all,” she pointed to the screen. _Let’s talk about something else._

“Somebody was murdered, Mikasa, we have to save the next victim before it’s too late. It’s important. I’m a detective.” 

“Yeah, fine.” 

“So…” 

_No, no more. Let’s just solve crime._

“Any advice? I mean… how did you two get things started?” 

“I hit her in the face.” 

“That’s not going to work for me.” 

“No. It isn’t.” 

“So… what happened after that?” 

Mikasa could feel her face heating up. “I don’t—this is the kind of thing boys talk about.” 

“Psh. I wish I had rescued a boy. Then I’d have a brother.” 

_Don’t you do that to me!_ “I _fucked_ her, that’s what happened!” She smiled to herself as Eren’s jaw dropped. It was actually a little fun talking about it. 

“You had sex before you even kissed?” 

“Um. Yeah.” 

“Well, when did you kiss? That’s where I’ve gotta figure out how to get.” 

“I…” _Oh dear lord. I’m such a slut…_

“Did… you’ve kissed, haven’t you?” 

“No…” 

“Hah! Oh my god. No way.” Mikasa narrowed her eyes at him. “I’m totally gonna get to kiss a girl before you.” 

“Whatever. I got oral first.” And then she watched her brother _die._ Maybe opening up to Eren was the best thing she could have done. As much as she hated herself for what she’d been doing, talking about it made it feel more normal. Made her feel more like herself, though she was sure she’d never been further away from who she used to be. 

When Eren finally calmed down enough to look for clues, she scooted closer to him and put her head on his shoulder, the way she used to do when she was younger, and the exaughstion from her sleepless nights was unrelenting. But that night it was just to be back with her brother, and somehow back in her own skin. 

“I’m on the wrestling team now,” he said. “You know those girls pretty well, right? You think any of them would like me?” 

“Well,” she began ticking them off on her fingers. “Sasha might, but Connie would hate you. Hannah’s with Franz. Armin’s got Mina… Annie doesn’t want your D…” Above her, Eren sniggered. “And… Rico. Rico’s made of ice.” 

“You know, that’s what they say about Annie.” Eren watched curiously as a soft look came over his sister’s face. 

“She’s not, though…” 

“Tch. You should just kiss her.” He laughed as she sputtered against his shoulder. 

“Mind your damn business. Look. Go get that blood spatter, hit X.” 

“You know what an X stands for?” Mikasa looked up at him warily. “A kiss!” And he proceeded to make kissing noises into the air. “You know, I bet her lips are nice and soft, she uses chap stick.” His eyes widened. “Oh my god, chap stick! You get it?” 

She wanted to be grumpy. Really she did. But her stupid face was smiling, and inside an excited nervousness had crept up on her at the thought of Annie’s lips. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know Levi's last name isn't Levi, but calling him "Mr. Ackerman" would raise oh so many questions.


	12. At a Crossroads

If Annie wasn’t sure about the extra attention Eren was giving her before, she was almost positive now that he had some sort of crush on her. 

All day, any chance he got, he had tried to strike up conversation with her, and kept looking at her like… like he was trying to figure something out. She couldn’t say she really minded. After hearing several locker room chats about some of the ways the boys at their school tried to hit on girls, Eren’s method was proving to be quite comfortable. 

First, they had made fun of their teachers through a series of paper footballs flicked in class. His aim seemed to be to get her to smile, which she did and, to her amusement, it made Eren grin twice as wide. Then, they had cheated off of each other’s homework… with Eren complimenting her handwriting and intelligence, and now they walked together to wrestling, with Eren’s arm slung over her shoulder. At the touch of his arm though, she figured it was probably time to let him in on the truth, and so she threw her own arm loosely over his to reciprocate the gesture before, as she figured, she would start disappointing him. 

“Hey look, Eren.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Hmm. I think here I’m supposed to tell you that I really appreciate your friendship.” They glanced at each other before Annie went on. “And that I think you’re really fun and I like hanging out with you?” Eren smiled. “Or some stuff like that, whatever.” And Eren _frowned_ a little. “But mostly I just wanna say that I’m a lesbian.” 

Eren squinted thoughtfully. “But _do_ you like hanging out with me, right?” 

“Yes… but that doesn’t mean I’m… like into you, you know?” 

“Yeah. I know. I only wanna be your friend, Annie.” 

“Psh, nice save. Well I don’t see you wrapping your arms all over Reiner.” 

“I can’t reach.” 

She had to laugh at that, but once again her smile seemed to bring out an even bigger smile on Eren. “I’m serious, you know,” she said. 

“Me too.” He gave her a brief, but meaningful look. “I already knew you were gay.” 

That gave her reason to pause. “You mean…” _He found about me and Mikasa?_

Eren looked at her steadily. 

“She told you…?” 

“Well.” He looked a little sheepish. “Only because I… _was_ thinking about maybe asking you out or something. I guess she wanted to save me some embarrassment.” 

“Wow. So she came out to you. I was starting to think she was gonna take that secret to the grave.” 

“Yeah.” He looked downright guilty now. “She probably wanted to. I found out by accident.” 

“How the hell did that happen?” 

“Well, I kinda went snooping through her room, and found— ” Eren realized belatedly who he was talking to. This was the girl who Mikasa used her… _toys_ with, so in a way, it was like he had stumbled upon the more intimate details of Annie’s life too. 

The blonde’s eyes widened, but to Eren’s relief she slapped him across the chest with a genuine laugh. “No way!” 

Eren was glad to know that things weren’t about to get awkward, and to know that he wasn’t going to have to put up with another round of choke holds and nuggies for his nosiness. 

“So… it doesn’t bother you, does it?” Annie asked. 

“That you’re gay?” He puffed out his chest, somewhat offended. 

“No, doofus, that I slept with your sister.” 

“Oh. Well, it's kind of weird, but… no. I was actually trying to figure you out today. I was wondering what it is she doesn’t like about you.” 

“She doesn’t like me?” 

“Well, she said… when she was trying to keep it a secret, who she was sleeping with, she said it wasn’t even a friend of hers. I was just wondering why you _aren’t_ friends. I get along with you just fine. And it’s just strange… she was always the type to want to be in a romantic relationship before she ever did any of that stuff, and now she’s gone and done it with someone she’s not even close to.” 

“She wanted... really? I never took her for a romantic type.” 

“Well, what type did you take her for?” 

“Huh. I don’t know, I guess we never really knew each other.” 

“You’re not even getting to know each other now? With all the sex?” 

“What, you don’t know? It’s over. She called it off.” 

“Oh, no I didn’t know. Why?" 

“Ah, who knows?” _The fact that I’m trash, and the fact that I wanted her to melt my skin while she fucked me._

Wrestling was a straight forward affair, and Annie allowed the constant state of combat to wipe out her thoughts. The burn in her muscles, and the thumping of her opponents being slammed into the mat made for a cathartic experience. The anxieties of her schoolwork and her father melted away, until of course it was time to hop on Eren’s bus. This was the day a school project would land her alone with Mikasa again. 

Walking through the Jäger’s front door, Annie was immediately struck with the sense that she was in a home. It was warm, and well lit, and something that smelled an awful lot like dinner was coming from the kitchen she could just make out on the other side of the staircase. 

“I’m home! My friend is here to do homework with Mikasa!” 

An absentminded, melodic humming came to a stop, and a shadow swept along the far wall as someone came to greet them. But Eren had already grabbed her by the wrist and was dragging her up the stairs. 

Just before she made it to the second floor, Annie caught a glimpse of a light dress, and gentle amber eyes. She wasn’t sure if she had seen disappointment in them, as Eren dragged her upstairs without saying a proper 'hello,' or if she herself was disappointed. A mom was like a mythical creature to her, and here she had barely gotten to see one. 

Eren led her to a closed door, before he slammed his fist into it a few times. “Hey. Annie’s here,” he yelled at the wood. “You can just go in,” he nodded to the still closed door, before walking a few steps over and entering his own room. 

For a brief moment she wished she had come to hang out with Eren instead. His general boyness was something she was familiar with. But this? She looked at the door. Who knew what this was going to be. 

Opening the door, she saw a very delicate room, creamy in color with sheer, lacey curtains around the window. Jewelry dangled from several stands on the dresser, and glimmered along with a small display of perfume bottles. How… delicate. Finally her eyes landed who sideways at her desk, head turned to look at Annie. 

“Hey,” she said, scooping up the papers she had been writing on. “There aren’t many places to sit… wanna just use the floor?” 

_Yeah, you know. Like that first time you fucked me. That’s fine._ Annie nodded, and folded her legs underneath herself, dragging her backpack. “Cute room.” 

“Thanks.” 

Annie was passed Mikasa’s handful of notes, and flipped through them in silence, not sure what to say to the girl who maybe hated her but definitely came in her mouth. Had they ever actually had a real conversation? 

“I know it says we can be as creative as we want…” Mikasa said. “But… PowerPoint?” 

“Yeah, I think so.” 

Their work progressed slowly, with minimal conversation, and though both had their attention on books and notecards, Mikasa found it increasingly difficult to focus on academia. What exactly was she supposed to do with herself? Sure, Annie seemed to have forgiven her. She wasn’t yelling, anyway. But she was barely speaking to her at _all_ and last she checked, she was a real chatter box with Eren. And Reiner, and Bertholdt. And _Ymir._ So that just meant… Annie didn’t like her? She remembered Eren wondering why she couldn’t get along with her mystery girl. Why couldn’t she? She looked over at Annie, scribbling something and biting her thumb. Then she remembered Eren telling her to kiss her. Disgruntled, she glared into her textbook. 

Annie was simply glad to be getting work done, but when Mr. Jäger came home her focus was drawn to the sounds downstairs. Turning her eyes to the door, she could make out the voices of a pleasant conversation in the kitchen, and by now she could practically taste the dinner that was cooking. Eren’s door creaked open and his footsteps thumped past them and down the stairs, his own voice mingling with his parents. Next to her Mikasa was drafting out a PowerPoint, and Annie wondered if she knew how warm her home was, or even how nice it smelled and sounded. 

After another few minutes those footsteps came back again, and Annie jumped at the sound of a rough kicking against the door to Mikasa’s room. Mikasa looked calm as ever standing to open it, and Annie couldn’t help but compare that door to her own, battered and broken down so many times it sat at an odd angle in its frame. 

Both girls were a little surprised when Eren stood holding two plates of food on the other side. 

“Here. Mom said I could bring these up to you guys, since you’re working.” 

“Oh, thanks.” Mikasa took them, obviously struggling not to burn herself or let the forks slip onto the floor as Eren slammed her door shut again and tromped back down to the kitchen. She set one on the floor next to Annie and got back to work. 

“Thanks.” 

“Mhm.” 

Whipped potatoes, homemade biscuits, was that fucking duck or just amazing chicken? Annie swallowed harshly in an effort to keep from drooling. What a far cry from easy mac. She was almost afraid to start eating it. But after waiting a few moments for Mikasa to start, and finding the girl was ignoring her food completely, she threw her papers aside and dug in. And ate like a wild animal. 

“Woah. Isn’t it too hot?” Mikasa asked, the first non-work related question.” 

“No.” Annie mumbled over a mouthful of food. “It’s perfect. It’s delicious.” She was finally able to swallow. “You’re mom’s a great cook.” 

“She’s not my mom.” The words fell out of Mikasa’s mouth without her really meaning to say them. It sounded so harsh, sounded so ungrateful to her own ears. She knew she must seem like a bitch… 

“Oh, right. Sorry.” 

“It’s just… I already have a mom. Is what I mean.” 

“Oh… I thought… you do?” 

“Well. She’s dead. I just mean… you know. I can’t… replace her.” 

“No. No, of course not. I just figured since you were adopted, you would just call them… your parents?” 

“No, I never managed to.” Mikasa wouldn’t look up from the floor. This was always so uncomfortable to talk about. She normally just conceded and called them “mom” and “dad” in front of her classmates but this time she had forgotten. 

“Well… alright. But Eren’s your brother, right?” 

“Of course. Of course. You can have any number of siblings. But… my mom’s my mom. And my dad’s my dad. 

“Ok.” 

Annie’s voice was so soft. Almost reassuring.

Eren’s footsteps came charging back up the stairs. A muffled “There’s no more cupcakes” floated through the door as he passed. 

Annie couldn’t explain why but she smiled, even as Mikasa looked up with furrowed brows and gave the door a slight snarl. “It must be nice though, huh?” Annie asked. 

Mikasa caught the faraway look in Annie’s eyes. “Yeah. It is. I’m still so thankful for what they’ve given me. Especially Eren, believe it or not. 

Annie considered teasing the other girl about losing her dessert, but the joke got stuck to her tongue at the serious look on Mikasa’s face, and she wondered if that gratitude really did come from Eren murdering some number of men. But it was only a rumor… 

Running out of things to talk about, the two turned back to their work. But once again Mikasa was distracted by thoughts of Annie. She could easily recall every rude and disruptive thing the other girl had done at school, and every offensive thing she had said to their peers. She shouldn’t expect to get along with her. But for some reason she felt like she should try. She felt like somehow she could talk to this girl even though she had nothing to say. 

The blonde sat pensively, tugging on the shoelace strings of her hoodie. Aside from being a regular in detention… the girl was smart. And as lazy as she was, she was a good athlete. And as vulgar as she was she definitely had a gentle look to her when Mikasa tried to convey the most awkward aspect of her life— having a family, but not. And she _was_ pretty. 

Mikasa took in the prominent ridge of her nose, which was often a source of jokes at school. Maybe it was just because of how intimate they had been, but Mikasa felt a sort of affection for it. And an affection for her messy hair. And an admiration for those thick eyelashes. _Oh, god. Suddenly I’m just the gayest. When did this happen?_

Annie felt the other girl’s eyes on her, but refused to look up from her book. She tried to guess at the reasons Mikasa would stare at her, and to her pure amusement she could think of nothing other than the heated relationship the two used to share. Annie idly toyed with the idea that Mikasa was missing their habitual fucking. _Hah hah. Miss me?_ She didn’t let her mirth show.

Annie really had been right about her the whole time, hadn’t she? _Flaming dyke_ Mikasa thought. And all Mikasa had done was deny it, and insult Annie. And insult her savagely. And, now that Mikasa thought about it, she had also berated the girl for something she couldn’t help. For her odd masochism. She felt the guilt that had been swimming around in her stomach for months start to settle into something solid. 

This girl was… nice. She was friends with Eren, and she was always at least polite to her. And she was so so right and Mikasa was so so gay, and Annie had let her use her own body to figure it out. Had shown Mikasa her most vulnerable secret, and sure, it was basically a mutual blackmail, but at least Annie was _polite_ about it. And here they were, back on a bedroom floor surrounded by books and papers, the same way it had been the first time. The same way it had been when Mikasa cracked her across the face, and took her virginity. 

She remembered the way that Annie screamed at her in the locker room. The way her voice broke. There was pain in her eyes then too, and though she looked peaceful now Mikasa knew damn well she had hurt this girl. She should really… she should… 

Annie couldn’t take it anymore. The staring was getting intense, and she was starting to get curious. She finally caved in and looked up at Mikasa, just as the girl blurted out— 

“I’m sorry.” 

_Oh. Oh? That’s what it was about?_ “For?” 

“For how I treated you when we, you know, did stuff.” 

“You already apologized. Remember? When I had my way with you?” 

Annie was smirking at her and she had to blush. “Yeah, I know, but it wasn’t a very good apology. When we were… doing all of that, I was dealing with a few things and I took it out on you. And you didn’t deserve it at all, you were…very patient with me. Mikasa waited a moment while Annie took her words in, unsure of what was supposed to happen next. She was surprised to see a smile spread across Annie’s lips. 

“Its ok, you were nice enough. You could have been a lot worse—at least you never told anyone about what a freak I am.” 

That was Annie’s idea of nice? Not being as cruel as possible? “Uh. Alright, I just wanted to make sure, because you just seemed so upset last time, and now we’re gonna be working together…” 

“Yeah, I’m sure. Besides, you even let me settle the score. So no hard feelings, we can put it all behind us.” Annie reveled in the slight look of disappointment that crossed over the other girl’s face. _Unless of course you… miss it. Hmm? Hmmmm?_

“Right. Ok. Really? ‘Cause at one point I spit on you.” _And I gave you that nosebleed once too, and honestly you could have had me arrested._

“Really. We can let it go.” _But I told you so, didn’t I? And now you don’t wanna let it go._ Just then Annie’s phone went off. 

Mikasa watched her answer a text, still unsure about her apology. Had it gotten through to her? She felt like there was still some sort of disconnect between them, and now… now she was less sure than ever of what she wanted. Annie was pretty, but did she want to go back to that dark, repulsive relationship they had? They weren’t really friends, but… did she want to be? Or was it that she really was starting to want to kiss her? 

“My ride’s here.” Annie said, slipping her phone back into her pocket and gathering up her things. When she finally looked back to Mikasa she saw how conflicted the other girl looked. _Ah, shoot. I don’t actually want her to feel that bad. Maybe this really isn’t because she wants to get back to hooking up_ She licked her lips nervously, and Mikasa’s eyes followed her tongue. _Or maybe she does. Well if you want me back, you’re gonna have to ask nicely._ “Well, I’d better head out.” 

Mikasa watched as this time, Annie was the one to make her way over to the window, and she imagined all those nights Annie saw her disappear. Did Annie ever feel left behind, or like they had left something unfinished? “Annie, wait!” 

“Yes…?” _Wow, you cracked already?_

“Uhm. You can use the front door you know, there’s no need to sneak.” 

“Oh. Right.”

When Annie was finally out of her doorway, Mikasa walked over to her window, expecting to see Bertholdt. But instead she saw saw Ymir. _Oh… are they back together?_ She watched the woman in her car, headbanging ever so slightly to whatever was playing. _She’s actually really pretty too…_ Mikasa sighed, walking over to flop on her bed. 

If Annie was back with Ymir, it was a good thing, wasn’t it? Because with Mikasa not even sure what she wanted from the little blonde, this would only help to narrow it down. No sex. And no kissing, if that was ever an option. And actually, why even bother being friends? They didn’t really get along, didn’t really know each other very well. Why bother trying? Mikasa imagined trying to strike up a friendship with Annie. _I would probably just look needy and weird._

When Annie got to the bottom of the stairs, she came across Mr. and Mrs. Jäger in the living room. 

“Thanks for dinner, it was great,” she said quietly to Eren’s mom, and realized with a mild shock that she felt quite shy around them. Wracking her brain she realized she had zero experience with good parents. It was actually a miracle she remembered to say ‘thank you.’ 

She was rewarded however with a very warm smile, but noticed the doc looking her over somewhat suspiciously. _He definitely recognizes me. From the ER. As a repeat visitor and as garbage._

She escaped as quickly as she could, and rushed across the lawn to the safety of Ymir’s car. “Oh god, parents are so scary.” She said as she bustled in. 

Ymir rolled her eyes. “I’m positive you’ve been through worse.” 

It felt good to be back in Ymir’s company, and even back in her shitty little apartment, where at least she felt at ease. When Ymir stripped down to nothing but a bra and boxers, and sprawled out on her couch, Annie couldn’t resist crawling between her legs and nuzzling at her neck. 

“Hey, girlie.” Ymir ran her fingers through Annie’s hair and felt the blonde settle on top of her. 

“Thank you for letting me hide out here,” Annie said, kissing her on the cheek and fumbling out of her hoodie. 

Ymir watched the garment hit the ground, and then a shirt, a pair of socks, a pair of pants. And then Annie’s skin was warm and soft against her own again, and she puffed out a sigh of content, reaching up to pull a blanket around them. 

“Will you sleep here tonight?” Annie asked, voice tiny with hope. 

Before Ymir could answer she felt small, tentative kisses trail up her neck. “Annie…” she scolded, and ran her hands along the girls back. “I’ll keep you company, but I can’t do more than that.” 

“I know you can’t hurt me. But I could make you feel real good…” She was practically purring. 

“What has gotten into you?” Ymir couldn’t hide the huskiness in her voice. 

“I just want to be close to you, what’s so wrong with that?” 

“Annie.” Ymir said firmly, closing her hands around the girl’s hips. “No…” 

Annie pouted for a good, long time against Ymir’s shoulder before she finally spoke up. “You should have seen it. They had pictures on the walls in little silver frames. And the mom was actually humming while she cooked; it was like a freaking fairytale.” 

Ymir kissed the top of her head. “I could hum.” 

“It’s not the same in front of a microwave.” 

“I’m sorry, Annie,” she whispered. 

The next day at school, Eren was disappointed when he couldn’t find Annie. And secretly, Mikasa was too, trailing behind him as he went on his search.

“Oh… Annie?” Reiner asked, when they managed to find him in gym. “She, uh, went home early. Her dad picked her up.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol does anyone here use fanfiction net? I just had to email them about how they had "Shingeki no Kyojin" and "Attack on Titan" listed as two different series- am I really the only one who noticed that?
> 
> And sorry for the delay, I've been dealing with severe writer's block- but only for this story, it seems. On the other hand I've started a Fangrai fic for any FF13 fans out there. But it isn't smutty. Yet.


	13. Monsters

Annie sat with her back to the wall. Her head was tilted back and her palm cupped her lip in an effort to keep the blood off her clothes. Absentmindedly she nudged a piece of the broken chair with her foot, feeling the pervasive awareness of her open door. 

What a waste. She had finally been trying to fix her grades, and here she was stuck at home. She was gonna be on time, too. She didn’t even hang out with Reiner and Bertholdt that morning, she went straight inside, straight through the halls to chemistry. But Mr. Levi intercepted her. 

Glancing up from the white and green tiles passing under her feet, she caught Mr. Levi’s eyes. They looked hesitant, as though he wasn’t sure what to say. But Annie took it to mean he didn’t expect to be caught staring. So she kept on toward her class room. 

“Ms. Leonhardt.” 

No. That wasn’t right. What could it possibly be? She hadn’t done anything wrong, what could they pin on her? She stood stock still, watching Mr. Levi out of the corner of her eye. 

“You’re required in the main office.” He paused again, still looking uncertain. “Your father is here.” 

Numbly, she followed him through the halls. There was no point in resisting. 

When they opened the door to Mr. Smith’s office, Annie got the feeling she and Mr. Levi were interrupting something. A forced quiet hung in the room, and the look Mr. Smith was giving her made her feel once again like he was on her side. But when her father turned to her, straightening out his coat, she knew that the benevolence of her principal wasn’t enough to stop a father from taking his daughter home. 

“Ms. Leonhardt, is it true that you haven’t been returning home after school?” 

She looked back to Mr. Smith, and as he stood behind his rather regal desk, posture sturdy and assured in the way that can only be achieved after hundreds of salutes, she wondered idly if even missing an arm he could take on her father. “Yes, that’s true.” A soldier against a champion. 

“Young lady, running away from home is serious. It’s not unheard of for the police to be called…” An honorable discharge against a hard earned retirement. 

“I don’t think it would be necessary,” her father chimed in, “to combine her abysmal grades and reputation with police attention. Especially when colleges are looking for potential students.” A cripple against an alcoholic. 

They stared at each other hard. The most powerful forces in her life, clashing over neon flyers for after school clubs. Foster care, a bludgeoning, a police visit, graduation, expulsion, a chat with the school counselor; whatever happened between these two men, she did not define her own fate that day. Or any day. Because in the end, she could get thrown down by either of them, and anyway that wasn’t how real people solved their real problems. 

“College admissions aside, this type of behavior is a serious issue. Illegal in fact, in this state.” Sure, sure. But his eyes said _I want the cops at your house._

“Surely as our school’s principal you care more about her future than that. A one-time offense, and she even managed to stay in school. I think we can handle this at home.” And his said _Erwin Smith, this is none of your business._

“Surely as her father, you would care to know where she’s been?” 

“Well, I’m sure it was nowhere dangerous. She came back in one piece, after all.” It took her a moment to catch up with the insult. _Dad, no._ But when she looked to Mr. Smith, his chin was still squared, his demeanor still dignified. She suddenly wished that he was her father instead. 

“Would you care to tell us Annie? After all, I _am_ concerned about my students.” 

Well, here was her chance. She could spite her father by admitting to a dire situation. “I was living in my ex’s apartment.” That covered it, right? No adult super vision, and not just for a little while but she was _living_ there, like a proper runaway. Next she could mention the absence of food, and the seedy neighborhood. 

“And who is your ex, Annie?” Mr. Smith asked, brows furrowing. 

_Ymir._ Oh, shit. Because of course no one her own age would have an apartment. But now her father was looking at her, and he knew who Ymir was, but he never knew… never knew how old she was. Never bothered to check. And she had promised, swore up and down that she would never get Ymir in trouble. 

But now her father was staring at her, because of course it was strange for her not to answer such a simple question, and Mr. Smith was looking more and more suspicious and her father might just tell him in order to wipe the look of his face, because how dare he be concerned, Frank Leonhardt could do his job. Oh. God. 

“Ymir.” Maybe just the name. Maybe he wouldn’t ask any more questions. But he had recognition all over his face and suddenly Annie was ready to start weeping right there in the office because she promised, she _promised,_ and Ymir could go to jail, Ymir could fucking get labeled as a sex offender for her whole god forsaken life all because of stupid, _stupid_ Annie. 

The look he gave her was not one of warning. It wasn’t one of punishment. Not even judgement. Plain as the sun, was a dark, deep concern. She could see him tallying her deeds. Violent outbursts, graffiti, broken school property, drugs, alcohol, profanities yelled at teachers, skipping, ditching, running away from home, and a relationship with a trashy woman in her twenties. 

“Well if that will be _all._ ” Her father moved away. “Let’s go, Annie.” 

To Mr. Smith it didn’t add up to a criminal. That was what she sensed from him, and her tears were almost spilling as she stared back at him. To that man, it added up to a girl who needed help. A lot of help. She could see that he wanted to do something about it. Probably call the cops. On her father _and_ Ymir. But she could also see the slightest hesitation. All she could do was hope that he never decided to go through with it, and so she left, dazedly moving through the doorway after her father, unable to look away from the soldier behind his desk full of colorful paper. 

She hoped that maybe he really did care about his students. Maybe even the ones who had grown up, and the ones who were still lost somewhere outside the walls of his school. 

“Don’t you ever do that again,” was what her father said once they reached the privacy of the empty parking lot. And that was all that he said until they were back at home, and Annie entered her home through the front door for the first time in years. 

“Do you know how stupid you made me look?” He moved through a few rooms, clearly not knowing what to do with his body, and coming back toward her when he ran out of places to go. 

“I had to go to your school just to find you.” Wondering how long he looked for her, she watched him pace into another room and took the opportunity to climb the stairs. 

“Where the fuck are you going?” 

“I’m gonna put my stuff down,” she said quietly, trying not to meet his eyes and look at him respectfully at the same time. _Oh, fuck it all._

He began to climb up after her, but he didn’t seem hurried. He followed her right to her room, where the door was still swung open, the shattered chair in its same heap. 

“Annie, you can’t do it again,” he said flatly from her doorway. She didn’t answer. 

“You wanna get thrown into a house of strangers? You wanna be little fucking Orphan Annie?” 

She shook her head. 

“Believe it or not, you’ve got a pretty sweet deal here. You think other parents would be alright letting their little brats completely off their leashes? You get away with whatever you want. You know that, right?” 

She nodded. 

“I know your little friend Bert. I know the Hoovers. I know what that family’s all about.” He leaned his arms heavily on either side of the door frame. “Would you wanna live there? You wanna be a Hoover? That kid’s probably on all kinds of meds to deal with jumping through those lunatics’ hoops. If he doesn’t get into an ivy league, I’ll bet he puts a bullet in his brain.” 

She swallowed. 

“And do you think if those other kids tried to pull the crap that you pull, that they wouldn’t get their asses kicked? You think you’re some special case? I let you make your own choices, and what you choose to do is be a little hoodlum. Trying to look tough for your little friends.” He stepped in toward her. “If any other kid… gee, I dunno, got in a screaming match with a teacher, you think they wouldn’t get it when they got home? The only difference between you and them is that you choose again and again to act like… this!” 

She stayed quiet. 

“So then, what the hell Annie? Why can’t you just get your act together? The only thing I’ve ever asked you to do is get good grades, and get into college.” 

Well, that was true. Her father had always been rough. Tough. Rugged. He had always been loose with her, and when it came down to it, what he did concern himself with summed up to boxing, and her grades. She remembered being small and handing him her report card, and the time he took behind his reading glasses, combing through the information. 

That was long before hitting her was a regular thing. She could almost see echoes of that man now, standing in front of her. Nostalgia churning in her stomach, she thought about that man eating breakfast with her before school. Mowing the lawn while she watched cartoons. He bought her a kite, one time. They were a family once, and she had a mother, and they used to do things like celebrate her birthday. And now, all she wanted… was that man back. She wanted to speak to _him._ She wanted to open her mouth and have her real father hear her, and come out to save her. 

“I’m trying… it’s working, I’ve pulled up a bunch of my scores to passing…” 

“Why were you ever failing to begin with?” He stepped closer. “It’s not like I bog you down with chores. Not like I make you do anything extracurricular. It’s not like you’re a Hoover!” 

“I know. I know. I— I’m fixing it.” 

“Why was it ever _broke_ Annie?” Closer. 

“I’m sorry. I just messed up. I was spending too much time goofing off.” 

“You think that’s an excuse?” He grabbed the scruff of her hoodie. No, this wasn’t that same man. Or it was him, and maybe that was the point. He hadn’t hidden her father, he hadn’t locked him away. This _was_ her father, and they were alone together, and her memory wasn’t going to come alive and put an end to it. 

He shook her. “What makes you feel so fucking entitled? That you think you can do zero work, follow zero rules, and act like this without any repercussions?” 

“Why do the repercussions have to be… this?” She tried her puppy eyes, her pleading voice. “Daddy…” Hell, she would try that too. She would expose as much weakness as possible if it could just get him to see… 

She was cracked across the face. “Don’t pretend like anything else would get through to you, you stubborn girl!” 

“It would!” 

Smacked again. Hard. “I tried with you! Your teachers tried with you! Even other fucking parents tried with you, made me look like a joke! And even before anyone bothered you knew damn well what you were doing!” He grabbed her by the hair and swung his fist, jerking her sideways in a small arc, her feet scuffling to keep under her. 

“I know you know right from wrong, Annie, and everything you’ve done has been _your_ choice.” He shook her by the hair, and she felt the tickle of her bun beginning to slide out of place. 

“What words could possibly get through to you!? To someone who’s already chosen to do the wrong thing!?” 

She couldn’t think of an answer, so instead she let the tears roll down her cheeks as a response. 

“All I ask of you is that you do well enough! Not even well, just well _enough_!” 

“I don’t know…!” Her voice had risen at least an octave, straining not to sob while she spoke. 

“You don’t know _what?_ It’s so simple! Just basic requirements, The bare essentials!” 

“If I’m such a burden to you then why don’t you just let me stay away?!” 

Her lip split against her tooth and splattered before she ever saw his fist. He looked at her hard, still holding her by the hair, now completely loose. As the seconds ticked by she could feel her cheek beginning to swell. 

Finally, still glaring and face tinged pink with frustration, he turned and left the room. 

Annie walked over to the wall and slid down it, and there she sat still, prodding the legs of the chair as the sun changed the shadows in her room. 

Eren didn’t seem bothered. Reiner tried to change the subject. And Mikasa wasn’t having it. 

“But why did Annie need to be picked up so early? Couldn’t she have just stayed home?” Seeing how tense Reiner was, she wished she could let on that she already knew about Annie’s situation. 

“I dunno. We didn’t talk this morning, she just went right inside… and I saw them leaving before the second bell even rang.” 

And then Mikasa wished she could just tell the boy that she really fucking needed to know more. Because that wasn’t normal. She had been under the impression that Mr. Leonhardt was just some house dwelling beast to be evaded, or some landmine to step around. But this… “Was she sick?” 

She and Eren glanced at each other, and… “Yeah, Reiner, you look all secretive.” He gave the blonde boy the stink eye. “Whatcha hidin’?” …and he thought she had a crush on Annie, and he was gonna interrogate poor Reiner for her. 

“Ah… you caught me.” Reiner held up his hands in defeat, chuckling sheepishly. Mikasa looked at him carefully. How was he gonna fake his way out of this one? “I don’t know if she was keeping it a secret or not, but she’s been crashing at Ymir’s place.” 

Eren looked surprised, but not nearly as surprised as Mikasa felt. “Really? Why?” he asked. 

“Well, I would imagine it would be a lot more fun to live with Ymir, right?” He shot Eren a smile, which her brother returned. “But I guess she’s finally in trouble. You know Annie.” 

_Is that true? Ymir did pick Annie up from our house… maybe they really did get back together._ Reiner and Eren broke into their own conversation as their team took the field for soccer, and left Mikasa to take her position still lost in thought. 

Relief was what she felt first, as she imagined that Annie had another place to go, away from her father. But as time passed, Mikasa became livid. Yeah, Annie had another place to go. Right into the arms of that fucking creep. Fucking Ymir, that old hag, probably pulling Annie right into her bed, promising to protect her, shelter her… and while she was at it she would fuck the poor girl too. 

The ball Mikasa kicked slammed hard into someone’s chest. But she wasn’t really paying attention. 

She imagined Annie, scared and alone and… and beaten. Of course she turned to alcohol, and who else was waiting for her but that pervert, ready to sell her the beers and then take advantage. What a sick, heartless fuck. A highschooler from a broken home, that’s who she was gonna sink her claws into? Someone trying to escape abuse? 

Another kick sent the ball slamming into some kid’s ankles, and they toppled over on the spot. Whatever. 

Images started flashing behind Mikasa’s eyes, of a battered Annie sprawled out naked underneath her predator, Ymir kissing at all of her bruises, promising to take care of her. And what if she was pressured the whole time she was there? What if she felt like she had to have sex to stay safe? 

Her next kick snagged someone in the face, and the whistle blew, ending their class early. Staring at the ground, she felt Eren come up alongside her. 

“Are you… jealous?” 

_Jealous?_ She felt like she was going to throw up. But it was decided. For the first time, she would go to Annie’s house for something other than sex. 

Annie’s head had never quite stopped spinning, though whether it was because she had gotten her bell rung or because her emotions were swirling around in there as a wordless fog she didn’t know. But a dull tone echoing through her house slowly pulled her out of it. 

Once she finally focused, she couldn’t believe it. It was the doorbell. She hadn’t heard that sound in almost ten years. Someone, a living human being, was on their stoop and trying to communicate. 

She listened as the floor creaked under her father’s heavy steps, and the front door was jerked open on its rusty hinges. 

“Can I see Annie?” Ymir stood, arms crossed and scowling at the grizzled man well past his prime. 

Before the door could swing shut in her face, she stomped her foot down, the sole of her boot catching under the wood and stopping it with ease. “Get lost,” he grumbled. 

“Where is she? What the shit did you do to her?” She stepped closer with her free foot, coming nose to nose with the heavy scent of booze. 

Annie’s heart leapt into her throat at the sound of Ymir’s voice. Ymir had always avoided her father, paranoid that he might question her age or how she knew his daughter. And Annie had already put her at risk that day. But there she was, down in the foyer, raising her voice at the man she used to hide from. Annie could hear the panic beginning to practically crawl up the woman’s throat. 

“I don’t answer to you! Now get off my property.” With both hands he gripped the door, pushing it slowly closed as Ymir’s foot lost its ground. 

Her hand slammed solidly against the inside of the frame, and she pulled herself partially in. “I’ll bet you answer to the cops, right?” 

His face hardened. There it was again, the threat of the police. But who said she wouldn’t call them anyway? The school was suspicious, her friends must know the truth… something had to give, but his whiskey shot mind couldn’t quite place the answer. Reluctantly understanding that the look in this girl’s eyes meant that letting her in might keep the cops away, he flung the door open so hard that the knob left a crack in the wall, and stalked away, out of sight. 

“Annie?” she called, running up the stairs. She didn’t get an answer, but turning the corner she saw light pouring out of the blonde’s doorway into the hall. Thoughts of the small girl unconscious, bloody, dead, weren’t enough to quell her defiant edge, and she made a point of snagging a chair out of the study on her way. Still, it was a huge relief when she slammed the wooden legs onto the floor and saw Annie’s big blue eyes lift to look at her. 

“Baby,” she said softly, turning to re-barricade the room. 

“Hi,” Annie croaked, as Ymir knelt down in front of her, brushing her mottled hair away from her face. 

“Hi,” she whispered, leaning forward to wrap herself gently around the girl, too scared to tug her roughly into a hug the way she normally would. 

Ymir always smelt a little smoky, like the incense she burned, and when Annie nuzzled into her, the skin of her neck was warm and her heartbeat thrummed steadily between them both. It was such a comfort, and Annie wrapped her arms tight around her waist. 

Despite the anxiety and borderline rage chewing away at Mikasa’s insides, she knew she couldn’t just dart over to Annie’s house as soon as school let out. What about Mr. Leonhardt? He was an unknown element. Besides… 

“…So he says he’s going over to her house _again_ and he wants to see the movie with _her_ now, so I guess it’s just you, me, and Jean; but he’s a moron if he doesn’t think I’m gonna try and tell him the ending.” Eren yammered on next to her as they rode the bus, now seated in the back, no doubt due to Reiner’s influence. 

“Maybe Connie wants to go with us.” 

“Oh, yeah! Especially since Jean’s coming.” He whipped out his phone and started texting, and it gave Mikasa the chance to turn away and let out a shaky breath. When should she go? As soon as it got dark? At the usual time? Maybe she could just walk past the house, and see if she heard anything from inside… _Yeah, like a stalker._ Could she just knock on the door? That would be pretty bold. But Maybe if she feigned ignorance. _Hey, child beater, remember me? The only Asian in the county? Got another school project here, so I’ll just…_

“Yup, he’s in. Oh wait… augh he wants to bring Sasha.” He looked up at her with pleading eyes. “Why is everyone hooking up but me?” 

“I highly doubt any of them are ‘hooking up.’ Besides, Connie and Sasha say they’re just friends.” 

He looked down at his phone, as if it would give him a better answer. 

“At least Jean’s still alone.” 

Eren sniggered. 

She managed to wait until after dinner, and got up to her room without looking too rushed or blindly desperate. And then, she sat with her ear to her door, tracking the other occupants of the house by sound, like a madwoman. When finally everyone was away from the front and side windows, she hopped out into the dark and started running. 

She should go slow, the sun wasn’t even quite down. But her heart was beating too hard and it hurt not to move quickly. He might catch her on his lawn in the dusky light. But her feet kept pounding against the sidewalk. 

“Ymir…” Annie murmured into Ymir’s shoulder, as long, tan fingers wove through her hair. 

“Hmm?” Ymir still knelt between Annie’s legs, now spread to accommodate her. She had her arms wrapped around the girl’s shoulders, and was content to sit there in silence, assuring herself that the little blonde was alright. 

“I’ve improved my grades…” 

“Good.” She glanced down as Annie pressed her palms against her stomach, inching them upward slowly. 

“You promised me a lap dance, didn’t you?” 

Ymir scowled down at her disapprovingly, but didn’t protest when Annie’s fingertips skimmed along the undersides of her breasts. 

“No bra?” 

“It was a comfort day.” 

Annie’s laugh was breathy against her neck. “Ymir…? Please? I’ll take anything.” 

She allowed Annie’s fingers to twine in her hair, and pull her down close. 

To Mikasa’s relief, the sun was basically sunk by the time she got to the Leonhardt’s. But the windows were all pretty dark too, and with clammy, shaking hands, she vaulted up onto the shed and crawled to Annie’s window. But she didn’t find her hurt. 

Through the dimness of the room she found Annie, safe and sound, and lips locked with Ymir’s. She could do little more than gape, having never before in her small town witnessed two women actually kissing. For all the filthy things she had done with Annie, the loose way they held each other, the almost sloppy way Ymir’s tongue flicked into Annie’s mouth as they panted against each other’s lips, was the most intimate thing she had ever seen. And she hated herself for it, but for all the ways she painted Ymir a monster in her head, this image of her now didn’t quite add up. 

But then a slender hand was skimming up the inside of Annie’s thigh, and she scoffed, her flushed surprise melting away as something sharper took its place. But the sound caught Annie’s attention. 

The blonde’s head snapped to the side, catching sight of the figure perched on the other side of her window. Mikasa looked back at her briefly like a stunned rabbit, before turning away to scramble back the way she came. 

“Mikasa?” Annie’s feet thumped hurriedly across her room and she flung her window open almost violently. “Wait! Whatareyoudoing?” 

Mikasa paused, looking passed Annie to see Ymir now standing, looking on with a casual curiosity. “I was just… I wasn’t here for _that._ I was just worried. I heard about your dad.” 

“Oh. Thanks, it’s… just a bit swollen.” She raised her fingers to her cheek. “I’ll be ok.” 

From where she stood, Ymir could tell both girls, who had now fallen silent, weren’t quite ready to part ways. “Hey!” she said, waving at Mikasa. “You’re the doc’s kid, right?” 

“Uh… right.” 

“You wanna come in? It’s fine, really, no need to feel awkward.” And then she was reaching through the window to tug at Mikasa’s sleeve, saying “Right, Annie?” And then Annie, looking absolutely lost, had her fingers wrapped around her other sleeve, and there she was stumbling inside. 

“Oh, my _god…_ ” she said, finally seeing the broken chair and its slimmer replacement jammed under the doorknob. “He got through…?” Then she turned her eyes to Annie, stepping closer and taking in the gash in her lip. 

Without meaning for it to happen, her fingertips came to rest under Annie’s jaw, and she lightly tilted the girls face up towards her own. Her thumb brushed over her lower lip, parting it from the injured one. 

“Yeah…” Annie was practically whispering. 

Ymir let out a gasp, eyeing them with a gleeful curiosity. “Annie!” She chirped. “Is _this_ the girl?” 

Annie jerked away from Mikasa’s fingers. “No!” 

“What girl…?” 

“The _cute_ girl.” Ymir looked at Annie meaningfully. 

There was a cute girl? Mikasa examined Annie, wondering exactly how many were vying for her attention. Though Mikasa wasn’t sure if she should count herself among them. 

Annie, unnerved by the attention let out an indignant huff. _“What?”_ she shot at Ymir, who was still grinning playfully. 

Mikasa wondered if the woman shouldn’t be just a touch jealous. 

“Really? But she _is_ cute…” Ymir smirked at her, oblivious to Mikasa’s fluctuating contempt for her. Or maybe well aware. “You got a boyfriend?” 

“I… no, I’m… gay.” She had never actually said it out loud. Annie looked at her, surprised, and Mikasa wondered if the other girl ever wanted to say ‘I told you so.’ 

“Well! What kind of luck is that, huh?” Ymir grinned broadly. “You know, you could always join us if you wanted.” Mikasa and Annie were both glaring at her then uncomfortably, now too embarrassed to look at one another. 

“I’m serious. Live life while you can, right? And Annie… could use some life.” Her voice took on a softer lilt, and Mikasa was nearly floored by her sincerity, as well as her boldness in proposing some sort of three way to a complete stranger. To a… to a fucking _high schooler._

“I think I’m a bit too young for you,” Mikasa bit out. “And so is Annie, wouldn’t you say?” 

“Ouch—” Ymir tried to laugh it off, but Mikasa cut in. 

“Oh, I’m dead fucking serious. You think it’s funny trolling around a high school, you sick bitch?” She might have seemed kind, with her doe eyes, and she might have seemed friendly, chatting with her brother in the alley, but Mikasa couldn’t let herself forget this beast’s true colors. 

“Don’t you say shit about Ymir.” 

_Woah._ Annie had gone from hot with embarrassment to stone cold in seconds, and was stepping between the two of them, moving in on Mikasa menacingly. 

Her principal, her father, now Mikasa. Suddenly everyone was crawling out of the woodwork wanting to separate her from one of her closest friends. “You don’t know shit, Mikasa. Alright?” She grabbed the girl by the collar of her jacket. 

“Easy, easy…” Ymir said quietly, coming up behind Annie and rubbing her back. “She’s had a long day…” She looked to Mikasa. 

“Don’t you fucking apologize for me. I know what I’m saying.” Her grip tightened and she pulled Mikasa in closer. 

_Almost as close as she was to Ymir when they were… _She gulped. Now was not the time for that.__

“You just live in your stupid little world with your stupid little family, and your home cooked meals, and your perfect grades, and your pretty little dresses; and your stuck-up, straight-laced judgement doesn’t mean shit to me, ok?” 

“Annie…” Mikasa said, but couldn’t think of anything to follow it. All day she had been worried sick for the girl, had only meant to protect her. But it seemed she had offended Annie _deeply._

“Just don’t talk about Ymir.” _Don’t tell anyone._

“Ok… I’m sorry.” 

Ymir’s arms coiled around the blonde’s neck from behind, and the small girl was pulled backward, still looking hard at Mikasa even as the back of her head was assaulted with kisses. 

“Don’t be so crabby.” Ymir chided. “She came all this way to check on you, didn’t she?” Realization seemed to dawn on Annie, and suddenly she was back to awkward and looking lost. “Atta girl.” Ymir patted her on the back, stepping away and over to Mikasa. 

“So. You think I’m gross, huh? No hard feelings. We can just say I was kidding about the threesome, right?” When Mikasa eyed her suspiciously, she turned to Annie. 

But Annie was looking at the floor deep in thought. 

“Annie…?” Ymir asked. 

“I finally convinced you…” She sighed deeply, and sounded wistful. 

“Yeah, well, only to make out.” 

“You were right though. It’s been a long day. And…” She pulled off her hoodie and her shirt in one go. “And I’ve been lonely.” 

The way she said it made Mikasa’s heart ache, and for a moment she forgot Ymir was there, and that she had sworn their last time was their last time. 

What would it be like, Annie wondered, to have two warm bodies against hers? To have all the heat, all the comfort, and the intimate attention doubled. Would she feel better _then?_

She stepped to Mikasa, leaning in to kiss slowly up the side of her neck. 

_“Annie!”_ the girl jolted against her. But didn’t pull away… 

“We should do it.” she said, hands curling in the material of Mikasa’s coat. 

And then suddenly there was a heat at Mikasa’s back, and Ymir stood close behind her, resting her hands heavily on her shoulders. “What d’you say?” she leaned over the girl’s shoulders to look her in the eye. “I’m not gonna do anything you don’t want, you know. But you _are_ cute.” She flashed her a teasing grin.

And there she stood, completely beside herself, with Annie’s hands stroking up her sides, trying to push her coat off, and Ymir’s on her shoulders, actually holding her coat _on._ And she had forgotten, if she was honest with herself, how nice it felt to have Annie touch her. And if she was even more honest with herself, which usually got her in trouble, Ymir smelled kind of nice, and… felt kind of good, brushing against her. 

Never in her life had she ever thought… she had only just come out to herself recently, so _certainly_ she had never thought she would ever be anywhere like this. 

“Ymir…” Annie whined, realizing why she wasn’t successfully undressing Mikasa. 

“Tsk.” 

“I know her weakness…” Annie purred against the shell of her ear. Mikasa stiffened as Annie’s hand slipped up the front of her shirt, getting right to her breasts and kneading gently through her bra. 

She held her breath at the sensation, stopping herself from making any sound, but unable to help the way her hips pressed into Annie’s when the blonde moved into her. It was then she noticed Ymir was watching Annie’s hands as they worked against her, and once again this thing she had with Annie had left her lost without a guide. When Ymir pressed into her back, her hips practically jumped to send her ass grinding into the older woman, and she whimpered in embarrassment. 

She had to remember. She had to remember what she came here for, to look out for Annie. She had to remember that Ymir was… 

Ymir was stroking along the side of her face, now tinged scarlet. “Oooh, she’s _pretty,”_ she cooed. 

“I know.” 

Annie’s husky response had her glancing down nervously, and she felt a little faint when she found Annie’s heavy lidded eyes gazing up at her unabashed. 

And then she felt like she might _actually_ faint, because Annie’s fingertips were stroking circles over her nipples through her silky bra, and Ymir had dared to reach down and squeeze her hips, which were still arched to press the two of them rather firmly together. 

Maybe… maybe Annie didn’t need as much protection from Ymir as she had initially thought… or maybe this was part of the trick. Was she just as weak and vulnerable for this sort of affection as Annie? Was she prey now too? She had to remember… 

_“God.”_ Ymir grunted, palms sliding over the fronts of her thighs. She’s… _toned._

“I know.” Annie panted as she worked at the spot below her ear. “’s nice, right?” 

“Yeah…” And Annie grabbed Ymir’s hands, bringing them up to Mikasa’s stomach, where the both of them started rubbing at her abs through her shirt. 

Mikasa felt like she was being appraised, but somehow in the best possible way. Her muscles, usually a source of topical conversation at school and a constant embarrassment, were now… she shivered as Annie started pushing her shirt up… now they were being praised by two admittedly beautiful… lesbians… and she found herself smiling. 

Did she really have to remember? Did she really have to be a warrior here, and mourn Annie for the monster her father was, and chase Ymir away for the monster that _she_ was? Did she really have to remember the monster in her own skin? 

“You only live once, right?” She asked Ymir hazily. 

The woman chuckled throatily against her, scratching lightly along her hipbone. “And you’ve gotta live for yourself. ‘Cause no one else will…” 

The words were comforting. She had never lived like that. She had never been anything but rigidly cautious, and yeah, even stuck up. Maybe just this once, she should forget… 

Ymir and Annie froze, and Mikasa, in her haze, realized that they were looking at the door and had dropped their hands from her body. But there was only silence. 

After a moment, Ymir let out a breath behind her, and slid her hands around her waist. A savage slamming at the door, however, sent Mikasa’s arms flying around Annie, one tucking behind her back and the other wrapping around the girls head as she pulled the blonde tightly to her chest. 

“Ymir! What the fuck are you doing with my daughter?” The wood of the chair creaked as the door was tackled. 

_Forget?_ Mikasa asked herself incredulously. _How fucking selfish can I get?_ How could she? How could she will herself to put out of mind what Annie was going through? The monster on the other side of her door, and the two right in her bedroom. 

How could she be so selfish? 

Ymir saw the way Mikasa had pulled Annie protectively against her chest, and the withering, unblinking glare she had trained on the door. There was no way this wasn’t the cute girl. Because there was no way these two didn’t have some sort of history. 

Walking briskly across the room, Ymir punched at the door where she imagined the man’s face to be. 

“What am I doing with your daughter, Frank? What the fuck did _you_ do with her, huh? Why does her face look like this!? _Huh!?”_

“Get out of my fucking house!” The slamming fists started up again. 

“Fuck you, buddy, I’ll leave when I goddamn please! And what about it?” She gave the door one last hit, before walking back over, ruffling what she could reach of Annie’s hair with the girl still clutched in Mikasa’s grip. 

“The moment’s ruined, huh? I know I talk big but I should probably get out of here.” 

Annie nodded against Mikasa’s chest, eyes wide. 

“Try not to be too lonely, ok? I’ll see you soon.” And with that she bent down and swiftly kissed her on the top of her blonde head. As she walked away, she gave Mikasa a hearty pat on the shoulder, and once again Mikasa found it hard to match the woman up to the criminal image she had of her in her head. But she didn’t dwell on it, because Mr. Leonhardt’s footsteps were headed back downstairs, and the tanned woman was disappearing out the window. 

Mikasa stood frozen, arms locked around Annie. They heard an engine rev up from around the side of the house, and the headlights flashed through Annie’s window as Ymir drove past. But as they did, bottle shattered in the street, and Annie wiggled away from Mikasa to peer out the window. 

She caught a glimpse of her father coming back inside, leaving behind a nest of broken glass. She sighed heavily, and rested her forehead against the window frame. 

“Well that was… not what I expected,” Mikasa said from behind her, the events of the night finally clicking into place in her mind. 

“Me either, I guess. I didn’t expect to see you like this again.” 

“Yeah, I… me neither.” She turned her eyes away as Annie faced her, still almost half naked. 

Annie looked back at her, and this time they were left in silence without Ymir to jump in and fill it. Until her father came back, beating along her wall as he approached the door. 

“Move this damn chair, you stupid cunt!” He tackled it again, the wood of the legs creaking, threatening to give out, but never quite snapping. 

“It should hold…” Annie whispered, but Mikasa eyed the remains of the much thicker, sturdier piece of work warily. 

“Annie, you slut, I can’t believe you’ve been up here doing god knows what with that trash! After everything we talked about!” 

Mikasa watched Annie touch at her swollen cheek, and she felt herself compelled to move to the door, closer to the raving man. 

“Don’t!” Annie hissed. 

Mikasa shook her head. She wasn’t going to say a word. But she reached out and pressed her palm against the door, right where her father’s blows were connecting. She felt them pulse through her palm, and all the way up her arm. Heard the chair creak and bow below her. Felt Annie’s panic from the other end of the room, and thought she finally might have a glimpse into the truth of the girl. 

She imagined waking up in this mess, coming home to this mess, trying to eat and bathe and work ducking around this mad man. She imagined breaking rules, and the fun it must be with a couple of knuckle headed friends. What the hell would the judgement of her teachers mean? She imagined sneaking out to deck strangers in a parking lot to blow off steam. She imagined wearing ratty clothes and slouching. She imagined taking spray paint and making plain walls beautiful. 

Annie’s bed creaked as the girl sat down, and Mikasa pulled herself away from the door, stepping over to look at the little blonde. She imagined wrapping herself up in someone like Ymir. 

“We’re not having sex tonight, are we?” Annie whispered. 

Mikasa shook her head. 

“I understand.” 

“And I have to go home…” 

“I understand.” 

“I don’t want to leave you here with…” she gestured to the angry footsteps pacing in the hall, and the muttered curses. 

“It’s ok, I understand. Really…” 

“It’s just…” 

“Mikasa.” 

Even whispering, Annie sounded exasperated.

“Annie…” 

_“Mikasa.”_

“Do you wanna be friends?” 

Annie’s expression was mostly unreadable, but Mikasa thought she saw something warm cross her features. 

“Yeah. Ok. What does that mean?” 

“I don’t know…” 

“Alright.” Annie paused. “I’m in.” 

Mikasa smiled a little, and looked down at the floor. The house had gone quiet, and now was as good a time as any to make her retreat. “You should um… come over after school tomorrow. We can work on the project and…” She looked around, fidgeting. 

“And I won’t have to come right back here.” 

“Right.” 

“Ok.” 

“Connie’s coming over too.” 

“Sounds good.” 

Mikasa got the distinct feeling she was somehow amusing Annie, and refusing to be flustered anymore that night, she made her way to the window. “Are you sure it’s gonna hold?” 

Annie looked at the chair. “Yeah.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took a risk with this one, I think.


	14. Talk of the Town

So far, friends didn’t mean much. It had been a few days, and aside from Annie being inducted into their lunch table and hanging around Mikasa and her friends in class, nothing had really changed. In fact, Eren was the one doing most of the talking. In _fact_ it seemed like Connie had more to say to Annie than she did. _In fact_ Jean even seemed to have a sense of humor closer to Annie’s, and they had a rapport of mean spirited one liners already. 

Sure, they passed one another kind looks, and and could make it through small talk, but they couldn’t figure out how to stop hovering awkwardly around the edge of the group, throwing in their two cents and feeling more like they should be talking to each other instead. Mikasa was starting to feel stupid for even suggesting they try this. 

But finally they had one good moment. In gym they discovered what great teamwork they had, when they were finally working together and not trying to kill each other with sporting goods. They had dominated, and at the end of it all they had clapped their hands down on one another’s shoulders and laughed, heading into the locker room together. 

One good moment. One. Which was why Mikasa could barely believe it when she walked in with her friends the next morning, and already everyone whispering about her sexuality. 

All the way to class they were stared at, but it only served to irritate her. It wasn’t until she heard _gay_ in the midst of the crowds that her heart started pounding, and it wasn’t until she heard _and that little blonde_ that panic set in. 

No one had forgotten the flaming dyke incident after all, and now Annie was dragged into it too. And the fact that the student body had gotten suddenly so close to the truth made her palms sweat, and her tongue feel thick and heavy so that she couldn’t quite speak. She could only make her way to class, where at least things were quiet. 

Eren was the only one who knew that the rumors were true, and as they sat down at their desks he was fuming, and glaring back at anyone he could make eye contact with. Armin was left looking frightened by all the attention directed their way, but across the room Annie had her headphones on and seemed like she hadn’t even noticed what was happening. When Connie came crashing into his seat, he was looking at the three of them with wide, fascinated eyes. 

“Is it true?” he asked in a voice that was a little too loud for the classroom. 

Eren slammed his fists into his desk and turned to look at him sharply. It wasn’t a yes or a no, but it made the scrawny boy flinch and turn to the blackboard. 

When lunch finally rolled around, the group ate in an uncomfortable silence. Anyone trying to broach the subject of what was going on was quickly thwarted by Eren. But no one could think of anything else to talk about. Mikasa was actually glad that Annie had skipped eating with them to spend some time with Reiner and Bertholdt. She wasn’t sure if she could handle anymore discomfort around her. And she really couldn’t bear the rumors seeming true. All this effort trying to make a friendship work, and now she might be too embarrassed to be seen with the girl. Fantastic. 

She was sulking now, heavily, and in response Eren was seething. He reached his boiling point when the period was almost up and the cafeteria had begun to empty, yet _still_ everyone was staring. Rather than getting used to it, Mikasa was starting to feel the situation weighing on her, and by now she couldn’t look up from the table, and had hid most of her face in her hand. 

_“What!?”_ Eren finally yelled, slamming down his hands and addressing the room. The answer he got was a handful of jeers. 

She wore dresses. Skirts. She wore jewelry, and even perfume when the mood struck her. She was tidy, and prim, and her voice was light and gentle. How the hell did they figure it out? Was it the company she kept? Her friends were exclusively boys, barring her occasional chats with Sasha. Was it her fucking physique? She hated to think that everyone could have known the truth about her before she even knew it about herself. 

Pushing her food away, she wondered how Annie would feel. If she had even noticed what was happening. If she ever compared herself to “girl” or “boy.” Probably not. She would be ok, wouldn’t she? But thinking about it made Mikasa miss the little blonde. Her friend. Now she had a right to miss her, and acknowledging that felt good, even in the mess of bad that was suffocating her. 

As they packed up to leave, Eren bit out one last spiteful “What!” 

_“What?”_ a boy moved to stand in front of their table now, mocking her brother. “Why don’t you ask your little faggot friend?” 

Eren shot up, staring the boy down. 

“Isn’t that right? Or is he your boyfriend?” The kid sneered down at Armin. 

_…What?_ Mikasa and Eren looked to each other before turning to Armin, who was staring up at the boy defiantly from under his bangs. 

“Yeah, I heard about what you do in the locker room, you little sick fuck.” 

“We don’t even have gym together! Everything you think is true just came from a rumor; it’s not my fault if you’re gullible!” 

Mikasa’s mind was slowly coming around. It wasn’t her. She was in the clear. And so was Annie. 

The boy reached for the collar of Armin’s shirt, jerking him up out of his seat. Yes, Mikasa was in the clear, and Armin was very much out of it. In an instant she and Eren vaulted over the table, hearing a chant of _fight fight fight_ rise up in the room and echo down the hall. Soon the boy’s friends were on them, and Jean had his arm around Armin’s shoulders and was pulling him away from the growing crowd, elbowing other students harshly to clear a path. 

At least there was a sense of familiarity here. Though Armin hadn’t been picked on like this since middle school, she and Eren still had a good sense of being in a scrap together. But this time was a bit different. They were sorely outnumbered, and though she knew they wouldn’t lose, she wasn’t sure they would win. And after the morning she just had, she wanted to _win._

Out of the corner of her eye, she caught a glimpse of Eren being shoved backward and his lower back slamming into a table. As he slumped down to the floor she found that she couldn’t get to him, and was now boxed in. She swung a punch, intending to break the nose of the one in front of her, but connected with empty space. 

For a second she was stunned by his dodging speed, but then she realized he had been yanked backwards and was now dropping to the ground in a heap. 

And then everything went quiet. The spectators were still slipping in, lining the walls and not so accidentally clogging the hall and doorway so that teachers would have trouble getting through. But now there was a pause in the battle royal developing by the vending machines, because surrounding her were five brutish assholes and a sixth on the floor, Eren, and now Reiner Braun. 

When she woke up that morning she felt like herself. She was Mikasa. She was a little girly, and a star student, and she had a new friend who she didn’t savagely fuck in the dark. Perfect. But now she was a Mikasa who had spent the entire day second guessing her appearance, and was in the middle of a beat down which, with the addition of Bertholdt making sure Eren’s back was ok and Annie coming to stand next to her, totaled to the biggest fight the school had ever seen. 

Six against five was a riot. The three worst students, ranked at borderline criminal, were silently offering her backup. She could get detention, suspension, expelled. Who knew? She had never been in trouble before. But if she accepted their help, no matter how it ended, by the time she went to bed tonight she would _definitely_ be a different girl than the one she was when she woke up. In the eyes of her peers, in the eyes of her teachers, to the Jägers, and to herself. 

But because of the look on Armin’s face when he sat, trying to reason with someone who had already decided to hate him, she didn’t care. She reached out and pulled one of them toward her, decking him cleanly in the jaw. She nodded to Reiner, her consent to fight alongside him. 

It was almost her. It was almost Annie. And that was because she already _was_ different from what everyone else saw. Up until recently, she was even different from how she saw herself. 

She swept the boy’s feet, sending him down, and turnned to pry off one of the two trying to get a hold of Annie. She was already different, and she was sick of it. Armin wasn’t gay, but she was, and Annie was, and whatever these shits were saying to Armin they were saying to her— even if they didn’t know it. 

Annie had to listen to it even longer than she did, and so what if the blonde didn’t care? They were friends now, and no matter how Mikasa changed, or how anyone looked at her, this was always true: she knocked people out on behalf of her friends. No matter what she was wearing, and no matter where she was. 

By now she could hear teachers trying to get through the hall. It must have been pretty suspicious when half of every class was missing. Over the roar she could hear Principal Smith, and she knew it was only a moment before it was over. No one ever stood in his way. But looking around she saw that she had won. With the help of her friends. 

Detention wasn’t so bad. It was terrible sitting in a chair for over an hour, sure, but at least whoever arranged it had the good sense to put them all in a different room from the kids they fought with. 

They weren’t allowed to do anything though, but sit and stare at something. No speaking. No working. So Mikasa chose to stare at Mr. Levi, while he gently poked stacks of posits into perfect order, nudged pencils into parallel lines, and rubbed smudges off of the surface of the desk he sat at with a little handkerchief. When Eren raised his hand for the third time asking if he could get a drink, he replied with a curt 'no,' not even lifting his eyes from his meticulous work. What a cunt. 

He had also been the first to bring up to Mr. Smith that just recently Reiner had been caught with drugs. He even had the nerve to suggest their bags and pockets be searched- even Eren’s and hers. Fortunately Mr. Smith had been more interested in the reason for the fight, and after hearing both sides of the story, he dismissed them with a single detention. His way of keeping order and sympathizing at the same time, perhaps, or perhaps he was, just like Mikasa, worried he might _actually_ find drugs if they looked. 

“Your time is almost up.” Mr. Levi said, glancing at the clock. No one answered. 

The last line of busses was slowly filling up the driveway in front of the school. But Mikasa and Eren would not be getting on them. Mr. Smith had done them the courtesy of calling their parents to pick them up—a measure taken to prevent another fight breaking out on a moving bus. While aggravating, she supposed it was reasonable, given Eren’s temper. And her own. Out the window she could see her other friends sitting on the steps, waiting for her and Eren. In front of her, Annie had taken to repeatedly shoving her hair in front of her face before blowing it back out of the way in little huffs. Mikasa had to smile. She was so cute… scolding herself internally, Mikasa went back to staring at Levi. Five more minutes. 

“But Mina’s been avoiding me all day,” Armin said dismally, resting his chin on his hand. “Do you think she believes the rumors?” 

“She might. I kind of did.” Connie said, sitting next to him. “I still liked you, though.” 

“Well, thanks. I think.” 

“I knew it was a lie,” Sasha said from his other side. “And I can try and tell Mina, if you want.” 

“No, that’s ok. I’d rather talk to her myself.” He let out a frustrated sigh. “We went to the movies together and everything. It was such a nice time, how could she just believe it…?” 

“Maybe she’s just embarrassed.” Jean said, standing in front of them with his arms crossed. “Maybe she’s an idiot.” 

“Hey!” 

“What? I have no problem calling her an idiot, if she’s cutting you out for whatever stupid reason.” 

“…Thanks? I think…” 

The doors swung open behind them and out strode the five kids who had shouldered the weight of the day’s gossip with him. 

“So you monsters joined the fight, huh?” Jean asked, looking over at Reiner. 

“Sure did! You alright there, Armin?” 

“Yes! Thank you.” He stood, extending his hand for Reiner to shake. 

“Wow, you sure are formal!” Reiner swung his hand out and gave the kid a high five instead. 

Armin finally had a reason to smile that day. 

“Is it true though?” Annie asked. 

_“Annie!”_ Mikasa scolded. She was still worried about the delicate balance her shifting friendships hung in. She and Eren were bringing together two very different groups. 

“No, it’s not. I got into a disagreement with a boy in gym. It was just over a lousy score, but… when we got into the locker rooms he just started screaming out of nowhere that I was staring at him while he changed. All the guys freaked out, and he just kept making it worse…” 

“Where the hell was I?” Eren asked, already getting worked up again. 

“You had already left with Bertholdt and Reiner.” 

Eren faltered. He hoped it didn’t look like he was ditching Armin for his new friends. 

“It’s ok, there’s no rule that says we have to be joined at the hip. And actually…” He glanced at the line of busses filled with kids, just starting to pull away from the curb. “If you’re not careful they’re gonna start thinking you really are my boyfriend.” 

Well that was unacceptable. Eren, glancing at the dozens of faces passing them slowly by, stepped right up to Armin and pulled him into a hug, ruffling the other boy’s blonde hair roughly. 

“Hah, look at those pussies, they don’t know what to do with themselves.” Annie nudged Mikasa’s arm, nodding her head to the shocked faces rolling away. “Shock value's way cooler than a fight, huh?” 

Mikasa wasn’t sure. It felt a little uncomfortable, being under the heat of all those stares. It was a different pain than violence, one far less straight forward, and she wasn’t sure if she could tolerate it. But looking down and seeing the proud, defiant look on Annie’s face she felt like maybe someday she should try. She wanted to be impressive to Annie. 

The Jägers pulled up to the curb then, and it didn’t escape her how Eren’s father was eyeing Reiner and Bertholdt and Annie. The horn honked twice when Eren took too long saying his goodbyes, and Mikasa took the chance to give Armin her own hug and brush his hair back into place. Reiner gave her a fist bump when she stepped back, and for a split second she felt like a total rebel badass. And then Annie gave her one too, and she practically choked on her tongue at her body's reaction to the press of Annie’s knuckles against her own. Her skin was always so smooth, and at the feel of it Mikasa remembered vividly all the ways she had touched the smaller girl. And her stomach flipped. 

Sliding into the backseat, she resigned herself not to dwell on whatever new, weird thing was happening with Annie. Business as usual. 

The entire ride home was quiet, but she and Eren kept looking at each other, both aware of the tension coming from the front seats. Once they got home, they stood cautiously in the foyer, still not being spoken to. 

When the family moved to sit down for dinner, Mikasa and Eren waited still, eating quietly, not looking at either parent, and barely tasting the food they shoveled into their mouths. 

Finally Grisha spoke. Quietly, calmly, and with a clear authority. “I don’t think you two should be spending time with those other kids.” 

“Dad, you don’t understand...” 

“I do, Eren. When your principal called he informed me of what happened to Armin. Of course I don’t disagree with you standing up for your friend; but I know those kids. They’re trouble, and you haven’t gotten a detention in years. And now all of a sudden you’re in a huge fight, right alongside them?” 

“I didn’t fight because of them. They came to help us out!” 

“That may be true, but Eren I’ve seen them in the hospital enough times to know the kinds of trouble they get into. I don’t want you to be any part of it.” 

“No way.” 

“Honey, we’re only trying to keep you out of trouble.” Carla gave it a try. “The records those kids have—” 

“No. I can make my own decisions without them, and I can make them without you.” He dropped his fork and crossed his arms with a scowl. 

Mikasa sat, quiet as ever. By all appearances, she looked calm and accepting of the new rule, the same as always. But once again she was different from how they saw her. 

She thought of Bertholdt helping Eren up in the cafeteria. Of him carrying Annie out of the gym when she had gotten knocked in the head with the volleyball. She thought of Reiner, and his laugh, and his fist bump. She thought of Annie. Everything about Annie. And she was finally her friend. As awkward as it was, she was waiting for the time when they could speak to each other comfortably. When she could actually learn more about the girl. Learn the difference between what she saw when she looked at Annie and what was actually there, under all that coolness and edge. Maybe Annie was just even cooler and edgier underneath. Whatever she was, she wanted to see it for herself. 

“The decisions you make can have long term consequences," She tried again. “You know how people talk. That day… that day we took in Mikasa stirred up a _lot_ of talk that lasted for a very long time. And we don’t want any more negativity surrounding you two. These kids are…” 

“These kids are really nice,” Mikasa cut in, for the first time since they took her in. And then she had the whole family's attention. “And anyway, that talk never went away. The stories have only gotten more ridiculous, and everyone knows I’m ‘that girl.' So since I already have a reputation, I might as well be their friend." 

“I never said they weren’t nice. But there’s no need to go around giving yourselves even more of a reputation. What happened that day… was very serious.” 

“I know it was, I was actually there.” 

Mrs. Jäger looked as though Mikasa had slapped her. Ouch. The first time she had ever mouthed off, and boy was it sharp. Eren had his eyebrows raised, but he sure didn’t seem to mind that she was giving him a hand in the argument. So she went on. 

“I don’t like that the story’s going to stick with me, I don’t want people talking about me like that. But it doesn’t sound right, you telling us to cut friends out of our lives just to appease everyone that thinks poorly of us.” 

“No one thinks poorly of you…” Her tone was so soft and reproachful. So fucking maternal, and Mikasa was never sure how to handle it. 

“Well I wouldn’t care if they did. We didn’t do anything wrong today. We just stood up for Armin. _They_ came at _us_ and I’m glad our friends helped.” 

“Me too!” Eren stood, picking up his plate. “And I’m not hungry anymore.” Mikasa followed his example and they cleared their spots at the table. 

“You two.” Mr. Jäger finally spoke up. “These kids are involved in a lot of violence. Sometimes even crime. I know they drink, and I know they do drugs, and that’s why there’s more at stake than just people’s disapproval of you—there’s your safety. 

“Tch,” Eren scoffed as they passed him. “Yeah right.” 

When they got upstairs, he said nothing as Mikasa followed him into his room, and they sat brooding on his bed as the night dragged on, watching shitty cartoons and barely hearing a word. 

After a while Eren’s phone vibrated. “Armin’s still upset,” he said. “He wants to know if we can sneak him in so he can spend the night.” 

“You know what? You go ahead. You can come back in through my room. But I’m gonna go blow off some steam.” 

“You are? Where?” 

“I really wanted to win that fight at school today. But I don’t feel like I’ve won anything.” 

“So you’re… you’re gonna go fight?” 

“Yeah. And if I get caught? I don’t care.” _I hope they fucking do catch me._

“The cops? Or mom and dad?” 

“Doesn’t matter.” She slid open the window and they hopped down to the ground. They jogged across the lawn, but at the driveway Eren went right and Mikasa went left. 

When she got there a match was already in progress, so she sat down at the curb in the dewy grass and waited. In the midst of the hushed whoops and cheers she was a little surprised to start feeling lonely. Sure these people were shady, and were partaking in some questionable substances, but the atmosphere was one of comradery. Music was shared, pictures were taken, bottles were passed around. She hadn’t expected to see Bertholdt’s truck in the lot, and in fact had been hoping she wouldn’t. She needed some time alone in a crowd. Or at least she thought she did. Now, she was wishing there was at least someone sitting next to her. 

She nearly jumped out of her skin when her wish started to come true. 

“Hey there.” A pair of legs stepped passed her shoulders, and before she knew it a body was dropping next to her in the grass. For a moment in the dark, the figure was all shadow, with a golden bottle of beer gleaming in the light from the streetlamp nearby. And then it was Ymir. 

“Oh. Hi.” Well this was awkward. 

“Haven’t seen you around before. You gonna fight tonight?” 

“Yes.” How was she supposed to talk to this woman? Who basically had Mikasa’s ass grinding into her hips less than a week ago. 

“Wow, you don’t have to look so nervous around me. You think I’m a creep; I know, I’ll be good. You want a beer?” She tugged a bottle out from her bag and held it out like a peace offering. “It’s freeeeee…” she shook it gently in the air between them. 

“You think that makes you any less creepy?” 

“Ah… I see.” She slid the bottle back in the bag, and Mikasa stood, seeing her chance to enter the ring and grateful to take it 

She didn’t get any recognition from the crowd the way Annie had. She could feel curious eyes tracking her across the pavement, and she didn’t really mind. These eyes weren’t wondering about her personal life, they were wondering about her fists. And that was perfect. 

The poor guy she faced off against first was already tired from his recent winning streak. He moved almost playfully, and his stance seemed casual. But a kick to the head brought him down, because she was serious. She didn’t know the etiquette here, but she hoped mercilessness was acceptable. When a fresh opponent stood before her only a moment later she supposed it was alright. 

This time it was a woman, and while she had some fancy footwork Mikasa was _not_ impressed. She was slippery and dodged everything Mikasa threw at her. For a moment while they were twisting and turning around each other, Mikasa caught sight of Ymir watching her closely, and made a bit of a show out of closing in on the woman’s space and busting both of her lips with a single uppercut. 

Seeing the blood drip to the ground calmed her down a bit. The woman forfeit and Mikasa stepped away from the ring, suddenly tired. Maybe she felt a little better, but she still didn’t feel like she had truly won anything, and she was starting to doubt a literal victory was going to help. Too many things in her life were left unsettled, and she was restless. 

“Was that a threat or something?” Ymir grinned up at her as she settled back down. 

“Maybe. I hadn’t really thought about it.” 

“Fair enough. You look a little worn out. Sure you don’t want anything to drink?” 

“I’m sure.” 

“You know, you don’t have to threaten me. You’ve already got my nuts in a vice grip.” She took a swig, looking out at the new fight rather than at Mikasa. 

“How so?” 

“Are you kidding? You know what I do. What I did. Even if you didn’t sic the cops on me, you could still spread my name around town.” Ymir’s smile was grey, but genuine. “’Preciate that you didn’t, though.” 

“Are you really so worried about what people think of you? You don’t seem like it.” 

“It’s not like that. I don’t care if they think I’m an underachiever or a thug. ‘Cause in a way I kind of am, and I can see why they’d think it.” She tucked her knees up under her chin, watching the bottle as she swirled around what was left of her beer. “What would bother me is if people started thinking of me… as some kind of monster. Because it doesn’t feel right to me. I don’t _feel_ like I am… but I think of myself that way all the time. 

Mikasa tucked her own knees up and mirrored Ymir’s posture. She watched the woman carefully, suddenly intent on hearing every word. 

“Maybe it doesn’t make any sense. But I’m scared of hearing the worst things I think about myself echoed back at me. And it doesn’t sit right, the thought of people judging me when I still haven’t figured out how to judge myself.” 

“I guess it makes sense…” 

Ymir sent a smile her way before knocking back the last of her drink. “With Annie… things weren’t supposed to go the way they did. I wasn’t really sure what we were starting, but I… I never thought I’d be the kind of person to get so serious with someone… you know. So young.” 

Mikasa looked down at the pavement, not sure what to say. Did everyone get lost when they got involved with Annie? Ymir was a creep, but… _Creep. And a monster. That’s exactly what she thinks of herself… like me._

“You know, if you wanna be with Annie I’m not standing in your way.” 

“W-what? No. We’re just friends.” 

Ymir looked her up and down, taking in what she wore, how she held herself. “That’s good. Annie needs friends… life’s been pretty rough with her. And she might not seem like it, but she’s a little needy.” 

Mikasa thought back on the moments when Annie would be panting and whining, rolling her hips against the air when Mikasa would hold off. “Uh… yeah.” And days ago, when she was begging for a threesome. Mikasa shifted uncomfortably, remembering her time between Annie… and Ymir. 

“Psh. She’s tough as nails, she really is. But you know, when you hold her it feels like she might just shatter on the spot.” 

“Oh… well, I’ve… never held her.” 

“Well, I could stick around to hold her if you really don’t want to.” Ymir watched her for a response, but Mikasa sat quietly, looking a bit uncertain. “What exactly do you want, though? Because you _are_ the cute girl, aren’t you? Whose been having sex with her? ” 

“Oh. Yeah, that is me, then. But we called it off. We just wanna be friends now.” 

“Alright. I just wouldn’t wanna step on anyone’s toes. ‘Cause if you really were trying to get with her, having the ex around would be kinda shitty, right?” 

“I… don’t know. I’ve never dated anyone.” She looked away then, somewhat bashfully. She could still see Ymir smiling at her. 

“Jeez. You know, I think you’ll be good for Annie. She’s got plenty of friends like me, but I think she needs someone like you to balance it out.” 

“Like me?” Her mind was pulled again to Annie’s bedroom. To that brief encounter with Ymir. It had felt so good to abandon herself in that moment. Around Annie, she always lost all semblance of self-control, and while she certainly didn’t like everything she found… _You’ve gotta live for yourself._ she couldn’t deny that sometimes… the things she found felt right. “Unfortunately, I don’t think we’re all that different.” 

Ymir laughed at that, but it sounded to Mikasa like it was tinged with a sort of sympathy. 

After watching one last fight together in a thoughtful quiet, Mikasa left for home with a quick wave goodbye to Ymir. 

Oddly, she felt like something had been settled after all, though she couldn’t put her finger on what. 

The lights were off, and she snuck back in easily, finding her way through her room in the dark. Her parents… _Eren’s_ parents might think they were about to turn into rampaging rule breakers, but Mikasa supposed they weren’t nervous enough to keep a closer watch on them. How ironic. The two of them had been sneaking in and out for years—though it was just to go to Armin’s house. Fuck, maybe they already knew. 

When she crept into Eren’s room, she was puzzled by the sight of Armin, sitting alone on the floor. His face was a little red, as if he had only just stopped crying a few minutes ago. “Where’s Eren?” 

“You didn’t see him? He said he was going into your room.” 

“What? No, I didn’t—” 

The door swung open, and in strode Eren, chest puffed out, fists on his hips, and hairy legs exposed as he posed like a superhero wearing one of Mikasa’s dresses. 

“I have an idea,” he said with a grave seriousness. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that took so long, my gosh. Real life issues took over- hope I didn't lose you guys!
> 
> Also there's a prequel to this story up, which I hope to be updating as frequently as this. It's beginning with Ymir and Annie's relationship, but will include Mikasa.


End file.
